so i guess i did a bad thing. : (
i didn't really get into the creative side, or make nasty conjecture. i just told her what i think, as i see it, looking back now, what is true:
"you are an emotionally vampiric, basketcase phony with hateful and enabling friends, and you should have stayed the fuck out of my sad and damaged life."
it's hateful, yeah. and it doesn't really make me feel better. but some sort of snapping was going to snicker-snack. some sort of vorpal-shaped sword was going to come down. if that's the worst of it, then maybe today is the last day. maybe tomorrow it really is NEW GAME.
or maybe she'll be real offended and send her male friends after me and i'll get to knock in some fucking teeth like i want to right now. but fighting for me is kind of like fucking. i will not go to great lengths to seek it out. it just finds me. well plus when i fight i won't stop until one of us is not moving anymore, which is why i do my best to avoid confrontation at all costs, and will only act in a situation where someone i care about is being threatened or i personally have no other option.
but this wasn't about that. this was about me coming into acceptance that i had a fantasy about this girl (i mean, don't we all, but you know what i mean) that she wasn't just this broken empty thing who i never could have done anything for. fuck it. whatever. why don't i go cry a little, huh. life sucks, get over it, blah blah blah, i gotta go buy some more weed and play go. (my opponent is starting to get better again, after a long lull in his game started to make our matches boring)
anyway, being some sort of messed up gentleman at heart, i will always forgive a woman in the end (and hope some might forgive me), for a man forgives a woman's lies. but for right now, i must love this girl more than i ever have, because hate and love are on the same part of the helix, and from one angle look the same, and i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you and i hate what i almost let you do to me.
feel better, jon?
not really, jon.
i didn't really get into the creative side, or make nasty conjecture. i just told her what i think, as i see it, looking back now, what is true:
"you are an emotionally vampiric, basketcase phony with hateful and enabling friends, and you should have stayed the fuck out of my sad and damaged life."
it's hateful, yeah. and it doesn't really make me feel better. but some sort of snapping was going to snicker-snack. some sort of vorpal-shaped sword was going to come down. if that's the worst of it, then maybe today is the last day. maybe tomorrow it really is NEW GAME.
or maybe she'll be real offended and send her male friends after me and i'll get to knock in some fucking teeth like i want to right now. but fighting for me is kind of like fucking. i will not go to great lengths to seek it out. it just finds me. well plus when i fight i won't stop until one of us is not moving anymore, which is why i do my best to avoid confrontation at all costs, and will only act in a situation where someone i care about is being threatened or i personally have no other option.
but this wasn't about that. this was about me coming into acceptance that i had a fantasy about this girl (i mean, don't we all, but you know what i mean) that she wasn't just this broken empty thing who i never could have done anything for. fuck it. whatever. why don't i go cry a little, huh. life sucks, get over it, blah blah blah, i gotta go buy some more weed and play go. (my opponent is starting to get better again, after a long lull in his game started to make our matches boring)
anyway, being some sort of messed up gentleman at heart, i will always forgive a woman in the end (and hope some might forgive me), for a man forgives a woman's lies. but for right now, i must love this girl more than i ever have, because hate and love are on the same part of the helix, and from one angle look the same, and i hate you. i hate you i hate you i hate you and i hate what i almost let you do to me.
feel better, jon?
not really, jon.