Set of the day

Chantal Claret is a very satisfied pleasure seeker. The Morningwood front lady, who admits she was once “a very naughty girl,” has just released the album she's always wanted to make – The One, The Only… her solo debut – and is currently being gratified by a residency at the Hard Rock’s... more

Chantal Claret is a very satisfied pleasure seeker. The Morningwood front lady, who admits she was once “a very naughty girl,” has just released the album she's always wanted to make – The One, The Only… her solo debut – and is currently being gratified by a residency at the Hard Rock’s swanky Vinyl club in Las Vegas and by a husband (Jimmy Urine of Mndless Self Indulgence) whom she tells us is “one of the good ones.”

Her freshly minted music – which might come as quite a surprise to those used to the pop-infused rock of Morningwood – is perfect for Sin City, being a glamorous and gutsy mix of ‘60s inspired retro rock & soul.

A longtime friend of SuicideGirls, we thought is was about time we caught up with the sexy chanteuse and kick-ass woman’s woman. During the course of our conversation she shared her recipe for finding love, and spoke about the wonders of real women (with real asses) and the joy of making out.

Nicole Powers: I’m just turning the tape recorder on so everything you say can be taken down as evidence and used against you.

Chantal Claret: Although I have a fear that that’s what happens with every phone call I’m on...I have to tell you though, I met one of my best friends ever, who is still one of my best friends to this day, she used to work for SuicideGirls, and we met via phone when she interviewed me about six years ago.

NP: Oh, very cool. Who would that be?

CC: Lauren Clark [a.k.a. Auren Suicide].

NP: Oh, oh my gosh, Lauren is amazing. I love her.

CC: She’s going to be there this weekend in Las Vegas too…We actually met for the first time at a SuicideGirls event on New Year’s and she’s still one of my BFFs.

NP: Oh, I love that. SuicideGirls is awesome for bringing like-minded folks together.

CC: Yeah.

NP: So that was in the days when you were Ms. Morningwood. This album is quite the departure, but it’s a glorious departure too.

CC: Thank you so much.

NP: I’ve just been rocking out all morning to “Real Girls” – that’s everything that SuicideGirls is about in one badass phat track.

CC: I wanted to write a song for girls. There’s a lot of songs – like by Beyoncé and “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly” – all that stuff is talking to guys, telling them about how a big girl is all right. But I wanted to write a song from a girl with a big fat ass to another girl with a big fat ass. You know, girl to girl, let’s be proud of ourselves. It’s not only for girls with big fat asses. I don’t want to exclude girls if they don’t have the natural goods, but, you know, be proud of yourself and shake your shit.

NP: But, as you say in the song, do you think “real girls get the boys”?

CC: I do. You know what, my husband loves some “tig ol’ bitties” as I call them. Even though men think they want like supermodels, that shit doesn’t keep you warm at night. I’m telling you, secretly, guys like a little bit of stuff. The good ones like that. I mean, I’ve never had a problem getting dudes and I’ve always had a little meat on the bones. So if I can do it anybody can do it.

NP: Good to know. So where did the inspiration for this album come from? Because it’s complete left of field for people that are used to hearing you as Ms. Morningwood.

CC: This is me. Morningwood was actually hard for me. That was sort of out of my comfort zone. I love rock & roll but I always say what you sing in the shower is really what you love to sing, and this is the stuff that I sing in the shower – upbeat ‘60s music, I grew up [listening to that]. Everybody gravitates towards one type of music when they’re young and they’re discovering music on their own, and the music of the ‘60s – be it girl groups or soul or British invasion or garage – that was the stuff that really I ate up. I couldn’t get enough of it. That was what I always wanted to make. Finally it got to the point where I was just like, I better shit or get off the pot, because if I don’t do exactly what I want to do somebody else is going to do it and I’m going to sit there kicking myself. Plus, you know, you have to do what you believe in whole-heartedly otherwise what the fuck is the point?

NP: You’ve got such an authentic retro vibe on this album. As a shower singer, what’s on your Top 10 list of tracks to let rip to?

CC: My go-to shower songs would probably be “A Fool In Love” by Ike and Tina, The Exciters’ “He’s Got The Power,” “A-Tisket, A-Tasket” by Ella Fitzgerald, Nina Simone’s “Wild Is The Wind” – there’s a lot of soulful stuff in there. “Why Keep On Breaking My Heart” by Nina Simone. I like to fancy myself as a strong black woman when I’m in the shower.

NP: Your neighbors must have a great front row seat to your shower covers concerts.

CC: I’m always so curious if they hear me, and then I’m like, they must be impressed because it sounds good. The acoustics in the shower are awesome. That’s the best place to sing. I want to record a whole record in the shower with water running and everything. That’s also where I write a lot too. Stuff comes to you in the shower and then you have to keep singing it over and over and over again while you dry yourself off so you can go record it.

NP: That’s why I loved being in London because the acoustics in the Underground are like that too, and when you were coming back from a club at stupid o’clock in the morning, you could just let it rip in those long tunnels.

CC: Are you in London?

NP: No, but I spent my college years there.

CC: Oh, I love it there. I want to sing in the tube. I love London. I miss it there. I want to go back.

NP: Well, you’re going to be in Vegas. I understand you did your first show already.

CC: Yeah, I did it in June at the Troubadour, and now I’m going to start a residency at the Hard Rock Casino in Las Vegas, which is mind-blowing. It’s a three-month residency for ten dates and it’s all ages and free. It’s at this new club they have called Vinyl, which is a 650 person venue that they just opened. I’m their first residency and it’s pretty fucking amazing that they took a chance on me.

NP: This album, with its 60s swagger, was built for Vegas.

CC: Yeah, it feels like old Vegas. It feels like we’re bringing back the Rat Pack and all that stuff. It feels classic. It’s such an amazing concept to do. I mean, every musician’s dream is to be in one place and have people come to see you, and what better place than in Las Vegas? That’s so fucking cool. And the Hard Rock, which is the only hotel there that’s based on the idea of music….I’ve always been a Vegas-y performer in that regard. I like to entertain people. I consider myself more of an entertainer than I do necessarily a musician, and I think that’s what Vegas loves.

NP: I was chatting to Dita Von Tease about Vegas, and, you’ll appreciate this, she was mourning the loss of the Liberace Museum.

CC: Oh, yeah. I tried to go to it last time I was in Vegas. I was so beyond excited, and we got there and it was shut down. I couldn’t believe it! So I’ve never gotten to see it.

NP: What do you like to do in Vegas?

CC: I do Vegas like an 80-year old. There’s different kinds of Vegas for different people. There’s the Ghostbar and crazy Vegas, and then there’s grandma Vegas, which is the way that I usually do it. We go play 5 cent Keno, go eat an $11 buffet, and then [go to] a discount show. We do old people Vegas.

NP: That’s hilarious.

CC: I’m a mega-great Bingo player. I’m a huge fan of Bingo. I’ll go play Bingo for a couple of hours. I won like $152 at 5 cent Keno…Like 5 cents into $152 is mind-blowing. If I had been playing with dollars I’d be talking to you from my private plane that never lands. That’s the only kind of gambling I can allow, Bingo and Keno, in my mind, because otherwise I’d just lose all my money.

NP: Talking of potentially destructive but enjoyable pastimes, you have a really interesting track on the album about your father, “Pleasure Seeker.” It’s a very complex track. I’m guessing that you had quite a complex relationship with your dad.

CC: Not only did, still do. We have an interesting relationship. I’m a momma’s girl I guess you could say, so I definitely have a hard time with him. I didn’t realize how therapeutic that song was until even after I played it for him. I think the first time I really realized how intense it was was at the first show when he was there and I sang it to him. I brought him up to the front and I was like holding on to him and singing it. It felt so cathartic. It really was. Because I just heard the bad things that I was saying about him, even though I wrote what I ultimately felt, that I still do love him.

NP: Right, because you’re calling him "a lying, stealing cheater...[I’m just like him, I’m a pleasure seeker]."

CC: Yeah, I mean, the whole thing is really not very becoming. When I first played it for him, I was sick to my stomach. Honestly, I was going to poop my pants. I was so nervous. I thought this could end my relationship with my dad. I honestly did. I said, this could go either way. This could either open a dialogue or I could never talk to my dad again, I have no idea how this is going to go. I sat him down and was like, “Hey, want to hear some new music I’m writing?” He said, “Yeah,” and I was like, “I wrote this song about you” [and pressed] play. And then I just watched him listening to it and I was shaking. Afterwards he was ecstatic. He was like, “I love it! It’s amazing.” He plays it for all of his friends. He’s like, “I want to be in the video.” He loves it. Where I was seeing only that I wrote the bad stuff, he really saw the bigger picture from the first moment he heard it – that, regardless of everything, I love him. It’s a love letter. No relationship is easy, so I still do.

NP: I think that you’ve got to love someone in spite of their faults. If you’re in love with someone and in denial of them, then you’re not really in love with that person, you’re in love with your idea of them.

CC: Totally. And believe me, I see all of my dad’s faults, as are listed variously in the song. I see a tremendous amount of faults, and he saw past that, and I’m so grateful for that because honestly, this song really did make us closer which is incredible.

NP: The song also brings up that dichotomy that women have; we do love the bad boys but then there’s the reality of that too.

CC: Well, fortunately I am lucky, because I had my father as an example, I do not love bad boys. I only love nice guys. If somebody is bad to me or something, I’m out the door. I, luckily, was not blessed with that bad boy gene of going after guys who are not nice.

NP: You’ve seen the reality of it.

CC: I’ve seen what it can do to a woman and I never want that in my entire life. I was lucky enough to find one of the good ones and married that mo-fo.

NP: Awe. He sounds like an awesome dude.

CC: He’s a sweetheart and an incredible performer as well. He’s the singer of this band, Mindless Self Indulgence. He’ll be my hype man for the shows that he’s in [town for].

NP: Ah, so he’s going to be involved”

CC: Yeah, he’s does the intro on the record….so he’s going to be doing my intro in Las Vegas.

NP: That’s awesome, you get to like hang out in Las Vegas together.

CC: Yeah, but then he has to go to Europe to go on tour for a little while.

NP: You also have a couple of tracks on the album about the flip side of love, “Black Widow” and “Can’t Save Her.” Talk a bit about those.

CC: “Black Widow” is about a bitch who’s looking for money. I am not a gold digger by any means, but while I was writing it I was like, the only way I’m going to remember these details – 5’9” and five inch heels, red hair, big brown eyes – is if I make it about me. So I had to make all the details about me. That’s just about a gold digging woman, which I am not by any means. That’s the only song where I tweaked it to make it easier, honestly, to remember.

“Can’t Save Her” – that’s pretty self-referential. I write a lot about myself, I guess I’m a super narcissist. I apologize. That one is about a girl who has sowed her wild oats there and back again, and has been around the block, and is afraid of not being able to come out of that dark, dark shit. I’ve definitely been there before. I’m a happy go lucky person, but I’ve done a lot of dark, dirty shit in my life.

NP: Are you on the other side of the dark and dirty shit now?

CC: Oh, yeah. I’m the most well trained house cat in the entire world. I’m so domesticated. I just like to cook and watch TV. That was a long time ago, when I was young.

NP: Are you the total Suzy Homemaker then?

CC: Oh, it’s ridiculous. Yeah. Yesterday I made brownies and bacon and cookies and stuff like that. I’m like the Paula Dean of Los Angeles. But when everybody’s young, you go through it. You do all of your stuff. I was a naughty girl. A very naughty girl.

NP: I think that you have to get that out of your system so you can settle down and have some sort of peace of mind.

CC: Exactly. I got that all out of my system. If I hadn’t, I bet you at some point in my life I would freak out and want to do all that stuff. That’s when all of that stuff happens to people where they have their midlife crisis and they go buck wild. I’ve gone buck wild, there and back again, so I’m good. I don’t miss it, I just like to write about it.

NP: What did your buck wild days entail?

CC: Oooh! [laughs]

NP: Dare I ask?

CC: You know, hard partying ways in New York City, and lots, and lots, and lots, and lots of boys. I was a player. I was really a conquistadora as I like to say. If I had a bedpost and I put notches in, it would’ve been broken off because I would’ve whittled it to the bone.

NP: How did your man capture your heart?

CC: He’s incredible. I met him on tour when my band was opening for his band. I thought he was weird. I thought he was super nice. Then we ended up on a drunken evening making out in Philadelphia on a pier and then in a stairwell for about 8 hours and we talked. I honestly think the trick in finding love and somebody that you love, is somebody who makes you laugh and makes you cum. That’s my love recipe.

NP: I love that you said that you made out for 8 hours. I think making out is so underrated.

CC: It is. The other secret is not having sex on the first date. Honestly. Some people wait months, some people wait days, but as long as you don’t do it on the first date, then you have a chance to talk. That took me a long time to learn. Like a long time to learn. I was just like, “Want to have sex? Okay, let’s have sex. I want it, you want it, why wait?” But, honestly, you need to wait a little bit. We happened to have to wait for a month, just because of circumstances, but we made out all over the place, all over the country, and then when we finally got together, it was on.

NP: That’s awesome. Because you never get the making out bit of life back if you jump straight in the sack. Making out in itself is so awesome, and then you have all of the anticipation of more.

CC: That feeling, that tingly feeling when somebody touches you and kisses you is the most incredible feeling you can ever get. And it’s fleeting, so you really have to make it last as long as you can.

NP: It really, really is, that make-out moment is fleeting. I always think it’s like watching one of those TV shows like Moonlighting, where once Bruce Willis and Cybill Sheppard got together it kind of jumped the shark.

CC: I love your Moonlighting reference. 100% yes. Once you have sex you jump the shark.

NP: You either jump the shark or you get married.

CC: Yeah and then you get married. I mean, we still got the goods going on in our house but it’s definitely different. The lucky part is he goes on tour for a little while and so you get a little bit of it back because you don’t see him for three weeks etc.

NP: Right. You get the anticipation of seeing him all over again.

CC: Mmmm.

NP: So, we have actually some questions from the internets because the internets were very excited when they heard that we were going to be chatting to you today.

CC: Awesome.

NP: I know you’ve kind of answered this, but for the benefit of @CrashDiamond_23 and @Kiri_Kutthroat, who both had similar questions, do you prefer the rock stuff from Morningwood or the retro solo stuff?

CC: I prefer this stuff. I mean, it’s different singing-wise. I like to sing this more. I can’t forget everything I learned; I performed for 10 years with my old band so I grew up as a rock performer, so to me this is sort of rock & soul. I want to bring the energy and excitement of a rock show to a retro-soul show. I think a lot of those old performers that you love, like Tina Turner and James Brown, had this guttural thing that you didn’t know what was going to happen and it was very rock & roll. Tina Turner could sing rock and soul and anything she wanted, but it still always had that grit to it. So I think I’ll always have that rock in me, my voice is a very rock voice, and when you bring that to classic music, it always gets a little bit of that rock tinge.

NP: The second question is from @ToBeQuiteFrank who wants to know what advice you would give to girls/teenagers about fame and the pressure to be famous in today's society?

CC: Oh, I don’t know, I’m not famous.

NP: But you’ve had hit songs.

CC: Mild success, but I don’t think I’m in the place where I have to really worry about the pressures of fame. I worry about the pressures of paying my mortgage and things like that. I have very everyday problems. I’m not a person who’s out to chase the dragon of fame. I don’t want to be famous. Unfortunately I’ve chosen a profession where fame is a measure of your career success. I’m not in it for fame. I’m in it to support myself and do what I love…I have been fortunate enough where I don’t have to really check myself all the time. I always say as long as I can still go get my eyebrows waxed at the outdoor kiosk in the mall and sometimes pick my nose in my car, then I know that I’m not at [an uncomfortable] level of fame. I don’t want to get above that level of fame where I can’t do those things….I know people who are really famous who have to go places with body guards and hide where they live and things like that and protect their kids. That’s sad. I feel bad. They can’t post pictures of stuff and that’s really scary. I hope I never get to that point. But I know they’re also at that point because there’s a flip side – it’s really a double-edged sword. They also have huge houses and can afford cars and do whatever they want. They pay for the other side of that…I don’t get all those perks. There’s perks and downsides to it.

NP: Last question from the internet: If you had a child, what would you name it?

CC: That is a secret. I know it. If it’s a boy or a girl, we know our names, our friends know the answer to that because we just had to put dibs on them, but that’s not for the internet to know. Dammit you saucy little internet, you’re not going to get that answer.

NP: That would be @Noelle_Horn who’s going to be very unhappy with that answer.

CC: Oh no @Noelle_Horn, you’re just going to have to wait until James puts a baby in me at some point down the line when I’m good and ready, and then you’ll find out.

NP: So, that’s already in the plans and on the cards.

CC: We plan on having kids, but not any time in the very near future. I’ve got to go to Vegas. I’ve got shit to do.

off of school and in 6 more hours ill be off of work on vacation for two weeks, I am so fucking happy right now.