back like a god straight out of nirvana, enlightenment's a burden no one should bare. dunno why i'm here, but here i am. promise not to post in the feminism forum, even though i've been thinking a lot about it and i have a lot of questions for the post-fem crowd. not very good ones, i'm afraid. basically a series of questions about how they feel about customer service at their local TJ Maxx's.

this place sucks dick for me. the sooner i get outta here, the better. anyone got 2500 they can loan me, or am i just going to have to get better at online poker?

yeah... thought so...

why is it such a pain in the ass to log on to the site locally? Oh yeah, because my computer's buested. this is turning out to be a really interesting blog. i kinda thought i had more to say, but that's really just it. need. leave

hahahaha i just realized that in over half the pictures on here, i'm on stage with a mic. hahahaha it only now occurs to me that this may seem llke i REALLY WANT people to know that i'm a ROCKER man (hahaha if you know me, you know why i'm laughing.)

so i'm definitely concieted, (name me one of your friends who isn't) but not in that way, and i realised that it was because i hate posing for pictures so god damn much that there only exist candid shots of me and since i don't really love going out if i don't have to play a show or there isn't any goddamn pinball (i mean, seriously.) then the only candid shots of me are what you see; me being a douchebag, not really playing an instrument, just sorta hollerin' away, 'cause that's what you do. or what i do, anyway. on the inside, the hollerin' never stops. ; D

sure don't feel like writing anything. i mean, i do feel like it, but.

having a really nice vacation with bean and shalome, so maybe it's that i'm not miserable enough to produce.

maybe what i'll do is ("what i thought i'd do was, i'd pretend i was one of those deaf-mutes...") i'll do more scribbling when i get too worn out to go on.

hey i'm in a new place and the long drive let me figure something out for some dumb thing to type out to waste the time until i die. hurray! i actually haven't gone anywhere, see... look, the guy said it in a modest mouse song, so it must be true.

two weeks. i only have two weeks to take out all the other families and run the city. i'm assuming this place plays like san andreas, right? i can knock a brother off a bike and do other cool shit you couldn't do in 4? yeah, i know, beta-as-retail is the new model, well, that and bleeding addicts dry. whatever. i'm all for junkies doing their junkie things.

oh shit, zenigata just showed up. : D anyway, *huggles* LA i hope yer as nice as all the movies make your town out to be HA HA IRONY and i think that actually was irony. look it up, pawn.

lol, maybe my sleeping schedule is getting better or not. i have a show tonight, and i'm supposed to go to a ccg tourney with a friend at 9 in the morning. HAHAHAHAHAHAH how is that for awesome incongruence? pathetic nerd in the morning, rockstar at night, and yet there's no difference except i might enjoy being a pathetic nerd more. but he always pays for it, so don't think that i'd like go spending precious weed money on that.

i think i just discovered i have a prosthetics fetish. i bet this is pretty common. i should watch cronenberg's "Crash" again now that i'm not 17 and oblivious.

i bought my first pair of jeans in over a decade yesterday. it was pretty painless. i will still only wear them when it seems necessary.

i should probably go back to bed for a few hours. that would be a really great idea.

the yellow smoke that rubs it's back against the window panes

like the patience

etherized up on a

tableaux.

do i dare disturb the universe (eat a peach)

waking is always like drowning.

sometimes you have the urge to struggle against

the hiacynth girl. drip, drop.

interesting facts: ts eliot and hp lovecraft both deeply bigoted against both jews and blacks at points in their lives, but lovecraft died hating only blacks with ferocity (might have been the jewish wife) whilst with eliot it was the other way around.

those may be lies. perhaps both men never overcame their bigotry. perhaps none of us do. maybe buddha, but some strange fellow told me the other day that buddha was only level 4. i didn't ask about level 5. he's one of the nicest white supremacists i've ever met. and so clever... it is amazing what environment does to us. it is remarkable how utterly squeezed between all these pressures. if is pressure, says a man under a tree who sits at level 4. LRH comes out to tell him he still has two thetans left, and for the low low price of eight slave tokens, he can audit either your taxes or meter your e's. i am very tired.

should it be a crime to still be afraid of virginia woolf? to still love her, to dare help keep her alive even after she insisted it wasn't her bag. to dare to keep myself alive, to keep alive us both. i am very tired.

i didn't do it even though it took doses and doses but i didn't do it and even though it is barely an abuse, it is definitely barely an abuse, as we ape overlords have defined it. the war. goddamn. the war. the eternal war. the knives of sex. dualists, so afraid to disspell the illusion. words wrapped around words, i drop bombs like mummies into metaphorical niles. now i feel like listening to lauryn hill, jesus even the video for this song is decent. I WROTE THESE WORDS FOR EVERYONE WHO SRUGGLES IN THEIR YOUTH... lol i think she's probably talking about jesus or something there, but she's more right than she maybe knows. or maybe lauryn hill is a supergenius. i can tell you one thing, if they really did just release a new fugees album, they sure did bury the fuck out of it. oh, what i wanted to say was "my shrink told me you let me because you want to have children" which, if you know her, would be pretty insulting, but i didn't, so do i win a medal? NOW EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING WHAT IS MEANT TO BE