age: 36 (Nov 06, 1976)

MEMBER SINCE: February 2005

occupation: Retired. I do some volunteering but it's more fun than work. Past jobs have included stripper, waitress, teacher, bouncer, bartender & landlord.

into: Teaching. Learning.

body mods: Pierced nipples and ears. Lots of scars & broken bones.

sign: Scorpio in search of Cancer BCB.

i lost my virginity: Far too young.

makes me sad: Cowardice. Lost love.

crush: Breaks my heart every time I see him. So why move back where he lives? Because never seeing him makes my heart ache. Being close to him, even if we never talk, feels right. Even if it makes me kind of a stalker.

heroes: Jean Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Voltaire, Nikolai Tesla, Yusuf Balasagun, Neil Gaimen, Robin Hobb & Jennifer Harmon.

most humbling moment: When I realized that the man I thought was my soul mate didn't love me enough to make it work. That he was just going to let me go away. ... Again ... Every time I go back to him hoping he has changed his mind. ..... Every time I realize that I will never get over him. ..... Knowing that I recently made another man feel exactly the way he made me feel. .... Wishing I could have found a way to change that and realizing it was impossible.

makes me happy: Teaching, training, sparring, dancing, painting, racquetball, sex, good food, books, gardening, poker, role playing games, movies, music & art.

fantasy: Being loved by the one I love. My fantasy is to be a home wrecker. That idea didn't used to bother me. It does now. And I still want it to happen. Knowing that about myself makes me feel bad but doesn't change how I feel.