So, my friend Joel and I paid a visit to the bustling metropolis of Los Angeles, during which we experienced and did the following things:

-Suffered through heat that was hotter than the exact opposite of a witch's teat


-Stayed at a very seedy motel that was so cheap they couldn’t even afford a name (it was simply called “Motel”.) They required all occupants to be 21+ because they had round-the-clock hardcore porn on their TVs.



-Ate at a truck stop in the trucker’s section, where I felt a bit out of place (i.e. I wasn’t fat and wearing a Bush/Cheney shirt or camouflage).



-Went shopping on Melrose, where Joel picked up enough things to clothe a small nation and where I found a rad pair of pink and black striped pants.



-Wore said pants to an indie/EBM nightclub that featured go-go dancers wearing Mexican wrestling masks, hot girls (and a couple guys) mud wrestling in one room and even hotter girls lube wrestling in another room. Oh yeah, and I got in for free!



-Found out that drinks were expensive as fuck. $5.00 for a Budweiser? $10 for a Long Island? Are we ALL supposedly rich?



-Went record shopping at Amoeba, Aron’s, and Vinyl Fetish and found several 80s synth and goth records I’d been searching for.



-Finally ate at Shakey’s Pizza.



-Saw a guy beat up his girlfriend on the street, only to be quickly swarmed by bicycle cops who threw him against a wall and gave him a good old-fashioned LAPD ass-whoopin’ as we casually strolled past.



-Got double-parked while inside a huge comic book store, wasting precious time. Although we got to watch a lot of actors rehearse lines with each other next to the parking lot.



-Heard Indie 103.1 play the world premiere of the new Depeche Mode song “Precious”, which sounded *almost* like it could have been taken off of Violator.



-Saw WAAAAAAYY too many posters for Deuce Bigalow 2 (ugh).



-Went to the Ripley’s Believe it Or Not...

So, my friend Joel and I paid a visit to the bustling metropolis of Los Angeles, during which we experienced and did the following things:

-Suffered through heat that was hotter than the exact opposite of a witch's teat


-Stayed at a very seedy motel that was so cheap they couldn’t even afford a name (it was simply called “Motel”.) They required all occupants to be 21+ because they had round-the-clock hardcore porn on their TVs.



-Ate at a truck stop in the trucker’s section, where I felt a bit out of place (i.e. I wasn’t fat and wearing a Bush/Cheney shirt or camouflage).



-Went shopping on Melrose, where Joel picked up enough things to clothe a small nation and where I found a rad pair of pink and black striped pants.



-Wore said pants to an indie/EBM nightclub that featured go-go dancers wearing Mexican wrestling masks, hot girls (and a couple guys) mud wrestling in one room and even hotter girls lube wrestling in another room. Oh yeah, and I got in for free!



-Found out that drinks were expensive as fuck. $5.00 for a Budweiser? $10 for a Long Island? Are we ALL supposedly rich?



-Went record shopping at Amoeba, Aron’s, and Vinyl Fetish and found several 80s synth and goth records I’d been searching for.



-Finally ate at Shakey’s Pizza.



-Saw a guy beat up his girlfriend on the street, only to be quickly swarmed by bicycle cops who threw him against a wall and gave him a good old-fashioned LAPD ass-whoopin’ as we casually strolled past.



-Got double-parked while inside a huge comic book store, wasting precious time. Although we got to watch a lot of actors rehearse lines with each other next to the parking lot.



-Heard Indie 103.1 play the world premiere of the new Depeche Mode song “Precious”, which sounded *almost* like it could have been taken off of Violator.



-Saw WAAAAAAYY too many posters for Deuce Bigalow 2 (ugh).



-Went to the Ripley’s Believe it Or Not Museum, which was fully of shrunken heads, two headed babies, a room with spinning walls, and other oddities. It made me nostalgic for the days of growing up with the show when Jack Palance hosted it.



-Went to another HUGE indie nightclub where I was surrounded by and grinded against by four random girls during a Faint song, who then left after the song finished. They were all cute, but they were total bro-hos so I was a bit weary.



Overall, LA is a shitty, hot, ugly, overpriced town that more than lives up to its stereotypes. Actors reciting lines, people peddling recording studio time, Scientologists handing out literature… Almost everyone was completely self-obsessed, and those who weren’t worshipped those who were. It made me happy to come back to laid back, level-headed, foggy San Francisco. However, I have never so thoroughly enjoyed a town that I despised so much.