Well. It seems I was busy on my 10 year anniversary of getting an SG membership. I was gonna blog about what all has happened to me on SG in that time and how it has affected my life. Perhaps next blog.
There is one other 10 year anniversary that I think is worth mentioning. 10 years ago, suicidegirls finally let an official chat room loose on their website.
This is a history of board posts in order of appearance that tackled chat and help to show why it is the way it is today. I have yet to finish the collection of posts that deal with webcams. This is just the threads that talk about the chat room.
There is one other 10 year anniversary that I think is worth mentioning. 10 years ago, suicidegirls finally let an official chat room loose on their website.
This is a history of board posts in order of appearance that tackled chat and help to show why it is the way it is today. I have yet to finish the collection of posts that deal with webcams. This is just the threads that talk about the chat room.
Here is a rant detailing how I saw it happen.
Tonight I'm going to go home to the most beautiful little girl on earth. Tomorrow I'm going to wake up to the most beautiful woman in existence. Tomorrow I'm going to go about my daily family activities and it probably wouldn't have happened had I not decided to be a part of this community. Sure my life would have gone on and I very well might have met someone else and lived my life with them, but knowing what I know because of this community, I really think it would not be the same. And I wouldn't change it for the world. 
Please do me a favor (In this order!)
FIRST Post your thoughts on the definition of 'friend' in a blog comment.
Do not edit it (well not after you've clicked the spoiler.)
Then, click the spoiler and let me know what differences you see as significant between your definition(s) and mine keeping it indifferent to our relationship, more being about your general view on friendships, be they romantic, platonic, whatever.
I'll reply to it in your blog with things I see as being different.
FIRST Post your thoughts on the definition of 'friend' in a blog comment.
Do not edit it (well not after you've clicked the spoiler.)
Then, click the spoiler and let me know what differences you see as significant between your definition(s) and mine keeping it indifferent to our relationship, more being about your general view on friendships, be they romantic, platonic, whatever.
I'll reply to it in your blog with things I see as being different.
<blog>
I'd put stuff here but I don't really have anything specific to blog about. Life's moving along. 2012 was one of the darkest years of my life. I don't want 2013 to be that dark. I'm not entirely sure how I can do that, but I'll tell you in 2014 if I was successful, what I could have done to be more successful, and why I didn't opt for that route.
</blog>
I'd put stuff here but I don't really have anything specific to blog about. Life's moving along. 2012 was one of the darkest years of my life. I don't want 2013 to be that dark. I'm not entirely sure how I can do that, but I'll tell you in 2014 if I was successful, what I could have done to be more successful, and why I didn't opt for that route.
</blog>
My dad, above everything else, was an aviator. His life's passion was flying. Until Danger girl was born, my life's passion was racing. A few days after my dad died back in 1998, I went to the Reno air races. While I do love aviation, I wouldn't say I have a life-obsessing passion for it. Certainly not like my dad did. And while he also enjoyed racing, he too didn't have the passion for it I had. Still, the Reno air races is a natural combination of the two passions.
While I'd been to them before, it was with someone else taking me who was just heading out there anyway. He was very annoying and ended up making the weekend an utter hell. After my dad died I went alone. In the wake of my experiencing such a tragedy, it was one of the greatest weekends of my life.
While I was there I promised myself that I'd go every year no matter what. Really I promised myself that I'd be able to do it every year and do it comfortably as an indication of whether if I'd allowed my life to get to a point where I'm a failure. I didn't make it out this year. In short, my not making it there means that major changes in the way I live my life are in order.
While I'd been to them before, it was with someone else taking me who was just heading out there anyway. He was very annoying and ended up making the weekend an utter hell. After my dad died I went alone. In the wake of my experiencing such a tragedy, it was one of the greatest weekends of my life.
While I was there I promised myself that I'd go every year no matter what. Really I promised myself that I'd be able to do it every year and do it comfortably as an indication of whether if I'd allowed my life to get to a point where I'm a failure. I didn't make it out this year. In short, my not making it there means that major changes in the way I live my life are in order.
A week er three ago I was leaving to go home and said my usual thing to whoever happened to be in chat at the time. It's usually something like "Have fun everyone. Enjoy your time in chat as if it's the last night you'll ever have to be here. You never know, you could die tomorrow. In fact you probably will. If you do, as long as you do everything here tonight that you want to do, you can die happy." elementalchick asked me why it is that every time I leave I always say that.
Some time ago I didn't really do anything but work. Like, I didn't have any serious objectives but my work. I'd wake up, go to work, go home, have a few drinks and spend like an hour er two in chat (it was IRC at the time, SG didn't exist) and go to sleep. I didn't really have anything else going on. Me and my friends would go out to the desert to ride dirt bikes, that's about it. I certainly didn't have all of the obligations to all the people mooching off me that I have now. The closest thing was that I lived in my sister's laundry room paying her a paltry $400 a month.
As a result I had a shit-ton more money with nothing to spend it on. One of the ways I loved spending money was at the strip club. Quite often there'd be these girls who'd show up with AMAZING features. Huge boobs, tiny boobs, perfect boobs, pregnant boobs, great ass, enormous ass, whatever. Always something to make them unique and notewrothy. A few of them really stand out in my mind. A lot of times I'd want to get a dance but just be like "eh, no rush. I'm sure they'll be there tomorrow.
Usually they wouldn't be there when I'd come back. It was always extremely depressing. I'd look around at all the other girls there and think about how inadequate they are compared to this recently departed goddess. Eventually it'd be years later and I'd still think the exact same thing. The other day I was like "fuck man, I can't believe I only got so few dances from Lexie (why all strippers are named Lexie or Alexis I have no idea,) this girl with an ass that was just like this. Of course I can say the same thing for countless girls that I wish I'd gotten dances from but never did.
In fact when I think back on my life I think of all of the decisions I made, it wasn't until recently that I've ever felt that I made bad choices and should have just shut up and stayed sitting down. Hundreds if not thousands of choices I made over the years were to sit down and do nothing. Sit down and stay quiet when there was something that could have been said. Never in all them years of going to strip clubs did I ever regret making a rash call. Anything from asking a girl for her number to grabbing her butt. But countless times I always regretted doing nothing.
Far too often I'd put off getting that dance, asking the girl for her number, or doing something rash. The next time I'd come in, the girl was gone. It really helped to bash the concept into me that you really only have one chance to live the moment you want to live. Occasionally you'll get to duplicate it, but the moment you're interested in you've really only got one shot at it and have to jump on it when it comes.
Eventually I just said "oh screw this" and figured I wouldn't hold back anymore. If there was something I wanted to do I'd just do it. It worked out smashingly. Eventually I started applying that methodology to every aspect of my life. If someone didn't like something I did, fuck them. Who cares what their opinion was? I mean it's something I wanted to do. It was me. Who I was. If they don't like me the way that I am, why would I try and put of a facade for them and deceive them into thinking I'm something different, only to let them down eventually once they see who I really am and that there's an incompatibility in our personalities? Kindo pointless I thought.
The end result of that was finding people who actually did like the kooky wild behavior that I did. Maybe not so much the grabbing strippers' butts, but in pretty much every other aspect of my life I made sure that I actually did live the life that I said I did. Where every single day was the last day I was going to be alive. My thinking was "if you don't do it today it will never happen. If you live again tomorrow, yesterday was the most epic day of your life. All you have to do is do the same thing you did yesterday and today will be the most epic day of your life too. Eventually your entire life will be epic. And if not, if you die, that's ok. You can die happy knowing that yesterday was the most epic day of your life."
Some time ago I didn't really do anything but work. Like, I didn't have any serious objectives but my work. I'd wake up, go to work, go home, have a few drinks and spend like an hour er two in chat (it was IRC at the time, SG didn't exist) and go to sleep. I didn't really have anything else going on. Me and my friends would go out to the desert to ride dirt bikes, that's about it. I certainly didn't have all of the obligations to all the people mooching off me that I have now. The closest thing was that I lived in my sister's laundry room paying her a paltry $400 a month.
As a result I had a shit-ton more money with nothing to spend it on. One of the ways I loved spending money was at the strip club. Quite often there'd be these girls who'd show up with AMAZING features. Huge boobs, tiny boobs, perfect boobs, pregnant boobs, great ass, enormous ass, whatever. Always something to make them unique and notewrothy. A few of them really stand out in my mind. A lot of times I'd want to get a dance but just be like "eh, no rush. I'm sure they'll be there tomorrow.
Usually they wouldn't be there when I'd come back. It was always extremely depressing. I'd look around at all the other girls there and think about how inadequate they are compared to this recently departed goddess. Eventually it'd be years later and I'd still think the exact same thing. The other day I was like "fuck man, I can't believe I only got so few dances from Lexie (why all strippers are named Lexie or Alexis I have no idea,) this girl with an ass that was just like this. Of course I can say the same thing for countless girls that I wish I'd gotten dances from but never did.
In fact when I think back on my life I think of all of the decisions I made, it wasn't until recently that I've ever felt that I made bad choices and should have just shut up and stayed sitting down. Hundreds if not thousands of choices I made over the years were to sit down and do nothing. Sit down and stay quiet when there was something that could have been said. Never in all them years of going to strip clubs did I ever regret making a rash call. Anything from asking a girl for her number to grabbing her butt. But countless times I always regretted doing nothing.
Far too often I'd put off getting that dance, asking the girl for her number, or doing something rash. The next time I'd come in, the girl was gone. It really helped to bash the concept into me that you really only have one chance to live the moment you want to live. Occasionally you'll get to duplicate it, but the moment you're interested in you've really only got one shot at it and have to jump on it when it comes.
Eventually I just said "oh screw this" and figured I wouldn't hold back anymore. If there was something I wanted to do I'd just do it. It worked out smashingly. Eventually I started applying that methodology to every aspect of my life. If someone didn't like something I did, fuck them. Who cares what their opinion was? I mean it's something I wanted to do. It was me. Who I was. If they don't like me the way that I am, why would I try and put of a facade for them and deceive them into thinking I'm something different, only to let them down eventually once they see who I really am and that there's an incompatibility in our personalities? Kindo pointless I thought.
The end result of that was finding people who actually did like the kooky wild behavior that I did. Maybe not so much the grabbing strippers' butts, but in pretty much every other aspect of my life I made sure that I actually did live the life that I said I did. Where every single day was the last day I was going to be alive. My thinking was "if you don't do it today it will never happen. If you live again tomorrow, yesterday was the most epic day of your life. All you have to do is do the same thing you did yesterday and today will be the most epic day of your life too. Eventually your entire life will be epic. And if not, if you die, that's ok. You can die happy knowing that yesterday was the most epic day of your life."
Man, April was quite a month. It started out with my thinking "Wow, look at this surplus of money I've got." That lasted about two weeks until I realized that I don't have a surplus, but I'm massively in the minus at a very critical time. Pardon me while I rant.
It all started Halloween 2008. I was living in my sister's laundry room, workin' all day, chattin' all night, drinkin myself to sleep every night. On Haloween, that changed. She finally decided that she was able to get everything together and move to another place, not having me there to provide a financial buffer. That meant it was time to get my own place. I got one right away and moved into it in an afternoon. I didn't have too much to move. I took a bed that she wasn't going to take, and a little love seat, my computer desk, and a few other things.
Not being in a side-room of someone else's house where they could come in at any time night or day to do their laundry, that meant that Angie felt it'd be nice enough for her to come down and live with me so, on November 7th (the night of the SG Disney meet) she did that. That was as good a time as any for her to come down. That way she could share what was pretty much my favorite day of the year with me. We had sex that night. Danger girl was conceived and, of course, born a tad under 9 months later.
Noteworthy, the primary product for the company I work for is water and holding tanks for RVs. In December 2008 that market crashed. The whole RV industry, with the exception of around two companies went belly up. Our company went from bringing in just under a million a month in net sales to $65,000. That's net sales and doesn't even cover our gas bill. Let alone electricity, shop payment, not to even mention payroll. Anyway, my checks got cut down to 1/10th what they were. It wasn't until just a few months ago (read three years later) that I was able to bring them back to where they should be. This culminated in the metaphoric crash I referred to in my February 10, 2009 blog. Then, of course there was the hospital bills from the physical crash that I referred to in the next blog that ended up (along with a few other incidents) destroying my credit.
The next Halloween was 12 months on the apartment's lease, meaning it was up, and it was time to make a decision as to what was going to happen with out living situation. Along with the financial crash, just having a newborn, finances were tight. Not the time to be coming up with a first, last, and deposit, plus take a week off of work and lose a grand in wages to move. Plus there was the credit issue making it difficult to get approved into another place. Getting a home loan, with the housing and credit situation being what it was in late 2009, was just completely out of the question. Resign we did.
Halloween 2010 came up and, while the financial situation had nearly turned around, ensuring that my account was $4k in the positive was proving to be pretty difficult. Still, the one bedroom apartment that was ideal two years earlier was no longer sufficient so we stayed in the same complex thereby keeping the deposit, but moved into a two bedroom unit.
Next Halloween, we were faced with the same situation. It was becoming repetitive and annoying. I opted to go with a 6 month lease which, while it was a few hundred more per month, would set the resign time to coincide with my getting a tax refund which gives me a short burst of funds. That'd allow for more options. Moving out of the unit we were in was important because, while it was the only one available at the time and didn't seem that bad an option (not that there was another option), it was right next to a busy street and we couldn't sleep with the windows open. Every few minutes a big truck would go by with it's engine brakes on or a Harley would go by with open headers waking everyone up. Moving into a different unit in the same complex just a few dozen feet away would make all the difference. It'd allow us to open up the windows at night, cooling the place down so we wouldn't need the AC on during the day. That'll account for a good $100 a month drop in the electric bill from May - September.
That brings us to the end of this past March. My refund was even bigger than I expected and I thought "Man, this is awesome. Now I can not only get a desperately needed second vehicle, but I'm gonna be able to pay off all the debt that we've accumulated over the past 3 years plus be able to finally get the dual purpose bike that I had been planning to get since 2007!" Well, reality kicked in and my primary car died. This happened right when a bunch of other stuff came in and what was supposed to be a massive surplus of funds quickly turned into a calamity where, not only was I not gonna be able to get the DP bike, I didn't even have enough to cover a move into a new place!
Having signed the shorter lease did two crucial things. First, it jumped the monthly rent up a sizeable chunk. That was expected of course and was a decision that I made figuring that I'd be able to just barely cover. However, once the credit company that sets the rental rates saw that I was able to cover the rent at the elevated rate, their renewal offer was the same as the 6 month rate. I thought "Uh, yea. That's not gonna happen." In all my scrambling to try and find another place, it ended up taking longer than I expected and for two months we went on a much higher month-to-month lease rate. That, combined with everything else, just obliterated all reserve finances. Even emergency reserve funds.
As I write this I still haven't been able to get the parts needed to fix the civic and I've still got tons of unpaid bills (as well as all the debt that I wasn't able to cover with my tax refund.) While I'll be able to pay most everyone back with my first check after the first, I'm still left dazed and confused as to how I could have let this happen. There's no way I'm letting May be anything like April. Hell, there's no way that I'm letting any month be like this last one.
I'm trying to think of a time when I went from such a relaxed situation to such a crisis situation in such a short period of time and I can't think of it. For the first time that I can recall, I actually turned to my friends here on SG asking for anyone who could to spot me some funds for a few weeks. This was successful. I can't even begin to say how gracious I am to those few who have helped out.
"Never, have the actions of so few, accounted for so much." No that's not the same words that Churchill said about the Battle of Britain but, to me at least, I think it's fitting.
It all started Halloween 2008. I was living in my sister's laundry room, workin' all day, chattin' all night, drinkin myself to sleep every night. On Haloween, that changed. She finally decided that she was able to get everything together and move to another place, not having me there to provide a financial buffer. That meant it was time to get my own place. I got one right away and moved into it in an afternoon. I didn't have too much to move. I took a bed that she wasn't going to take, and a little love seat, my computer desk, and a few other things.
Not being in a side-room of someone else's house where they could come in at any time night or day to do their laundry, that meant that Angie felt it'd be nice enough for her to come down and live with me so, on November 7th (the night of the SG Disney meet) she did that. That was as good a time as any for her to come down. That way she could share what was pretty much my favorite day of the year with me. We had sex that night. Danger girl was conceived and, of course, born a tad under 9 months later.
Noteworthy, the primary product for the company I work for is water and holding tanks for RVs. In December 2008 that market crashed. The whole RV industry, with the exception of around two companies went belly up. Our company went from bringing in just under a million a month in net sales to $65,000. That's net sales and doesn't even cover our gas bill. Let alone electricity, shop payment, not to even mention payroll. Anyway, my checks got cut down to 1/10th what they were. It wasn't until just a few months ago (read three years later) that I was able to bring them back to where they should be. This culminated in the metaphoric crash I referred to in my February 10, 2009 blog. Then, of course there was the hospital bills from the physical crash that I referred to in the next blog that ended up (along with a few other incidents) destroying my credit.
The next Halloween was 12 months on the apartment's lease, meaning it was up, and it was time to make a decision as to what was going to happen with out living situation. Along with the financial crash, just having a newborn, finances were tight. Not the time to be coming up with a first, last, and deposit, plus take a week off of work and lose a grand in wages to move. Plus there was the credit issue making it difficult to get approved into another place. Getting a home loan, with the housing and credit situation being what it was in late 2009, was just completely out of the question. Resign we did.
Halloween 2010 came up and, while the financial situation had nearly turned around, ensuring that my account was $4k in the positive was proving to be pretty difficult. Still, the one bedroom apartment that was ideal two years earlier was no longer sufficient so we stayed in the same complex thereby keeping the deposit, but moved into a two bedroom unit.
Next Halloween, we were faced with the same situation. It was becoming repetitive and annoying. I opted to go with a 6 month lease which, while it was a few hundred more per month, would set the resign time to coincide with my getting a tax refund which gives me a short burst of funds. That'd allow for more options. Moving out of the unit we were in was important because, while it was the only one available at the time and didn't seem that bad an option (not that there was another option), it was right next to a busy street and we couldn't sleep with the windows open. Every few minutes a big truck would go by with it's engine brakes on or a Harley would go by with open headers waking everyone up. Moving into a different unit in the same complex just a few dozen feet away would make all the difference. It'd allow us to open up the windows at night, cooling the place down so we wouldn't need the AC on during the day. That'll account for a good $100 a month drop in the electric bill from May - September.
That brings us to the end of this past March. My refund was even bigger than I expected and I thought "Man, this is awesome. Now I can not only get a desperately needed second vehicle, but I'm gonna be able to pay off all the debt that we've accumulated over the past 3 years plus be able to finally get the dual purpose bike that I had been planning to get since 2007!" Well, reality kicked in and my primary car died. This happened right when a bunch of other stuff came in and what was supposed to be a massive surplus of funds quickly turned into a calamity where, not only was I not gonna be able to get the DP bike, I didn't even have enough to cover a move into a new place!
Having signed the shorter lease did two crucial things. First, it jumped the monthly rent up a sizeable chunk. That was expected of course and was a decision that I made figuring that I'd be able to just barely cover. However, once the credit company that sets the rental rates saw that I was able to cover the rent at the elevated rate, their renewal offer was the same as the 6 month rate. I thought "Uh, yea. That's not gonna happen." In all my scrambling to try and find another place, it ended up taking longer than I expected and for two months we went on a much higher month-to-month lease rate. That, combined with everything else, just obliterated all reserve finances. Even emergency reserve funds.
As I write this I still haven't been able to get the parts needed to fix the civic and I've still got tons of unpaid bills (as well as all the debt that I wasn't able to cover with my tax refund.) While I'll be able to pay most everyone back with my first check after the first, I'm still left dazed and confused as to how I could have let this happen. There's no way I'm letting May be anything like April. Hell, there's no way that I'm letting any month be like this last one.
I'm trying to think of a time when I went from such a relaxed situation to such a crisis situation in such a short period of time and I can't think of it. For the first time that I can recall, I actually turned to my friends here on SG asking for anyone who could to spot me some funds for a few weeks. This was successful. I can't even begin to say how gracious I am to those few who have helped out.
"Never, have the actions of so few, accounted for so much." No that's not the same words that Churchill said about the Battle of Britain but, to me at least, I think it's fitting.
Thank god for global warming! That's the weather for the week surrounding New Years. It's kindo pretty gorgeous. Oh, and on the night of January 3rd, morning of the 4th, the Quadrantrid meteor shower, the biggest of the year, should be rockin' `n' rollin' with the moon on the opposite side of the planet in the morning time, so it should be pretty impressive. I'm thinking the best place to view it would be here. I don't even know how to get there, but it'd be nice to find out.
Summer ended abruptly last week. I didn't make it to Catalina once this season. While I did make it out to Reno for the air races, a plane crashed into the grandstands on Friday night and canceled the remainder of the racing weekend (for the first time in over 100 years of air racing.)
That's actually a big deal. Consider how many times a race car has crashed and flew into the stands, killing spectators. Same with motorcycle racing. While I don't think you really have that problem very often with sailboat racing, I'm sure it's happened a few times with powerboat racing. Yet, in 100 years of air racing, it's never happened. And that's with there being what I'd estimate to be about an average of 3 crashes per weekend of racing. There could be dozens of mayday's called over a racing season, and even a death every few years, but they all happen over the race course. History was actually made that day even though all you'll read about in the news was "Some dudes died a horrific explosive death."
At any rate, this was a pretty sucky summer. I did get to hang out with Greggster on the way back from Reno though. And I hung outwith a bunch of other cool people too. So it certainly wasn't completely devoid of enjoyable happenings. Plus I got to go out and do some cool stuff with Danger girl lots of times, but that's to be expected. I mean it's kindo mandatory and happens on virtually a daily basis. Not much sense writing about it, but then again it's plenty fun.
That's actually a big deal. Consider how many times a race car has crashed and flew into the stands, killing spectators. Same with motorcycle racing. While I don't think you really have that problem very often with sailboat racing, I'm sure it's happened a few times with powerboat racing. Yet, in 100 years of air racing, it's never happened. And that's with there being what I'd estimate to be about an average of 3 crashes per weekend of racing. There could be dozens of mayday's called over a racing season, and even a death every few years, but they all happen over the race course. History was actually made that day even though all you'll read about in the news was "Some dudes died a horrific explosive death."
At any rate, this was a pretty sucky summer. I did get to hang out with Greggster on the way back from Reno though. And I hung outwith a bunch of other cool people too. So it certainly wasn't completely devoid of enjoyable happenings. Plus I got to go out and do some cool stuff with Danger girl lots of times, but that's to be expected. I mean it's kindo mandatory and happens on virtually a daily basis. Not much sense writing about it, but then again it's plenty fun.
Chances are everyone who's going to read this knows that I go into SG chat a lot. For those who don't, I go into chat a whole lot.
One of the things that always gets me that you see in there is people will ask "Dude, who are you?!" to someone that other people might know. I mean, what the hell could someone asking that possibly be expecting for a response? Like, what the hell would anyone say to something like that? "I'm beppo, son of Gerald of Missouri." perhaps?
Tell me, who are you?
This is how I usually respond:
One of the things that always gets me that you see in there is people will ask "Dude, who are you?!" to someone that other people might know. I mean, what the hell could someone asking that possibly be expecting for a response? Like, what the hell would anyone say to something like that? "I'm beppo, son of Gerald of Missouri." perhaps?
Tell me, who are you?
This is how I usually respond:
Today, for the first time in just under 5 years I sailed a sailboat. `Twas a good day.
A few weeks back I decided that I'm going to make getting out on the water a priority for me this summer. I'm hoping to sail a boat from Long Beach to Catalina at least once this summer, hopefully at least once a month.
I don't know if I'll be able to get everything together by the end of summer, but ever since September of 2006 I've been planning on having a chatters meet / campout at one of the coves there.
In case you're sharp and got your math right, yes you're correct, that's before the chatters group ever existed. A little known fact is that the whole group's existence and early management was based specifically on planning for a Catalina campout being that group's annual meet. Unfortunately life got in the way and I wasn't able to finalize the logistics of it. But that's my (admittedly optimistic) goal, to have a campout there by the end of summer. Certainly by the summer next year.
A few weeks back I decided that I'm going to make getting out on the water a priority for me this summer. I'm hoping to sail a boat from Long Beach to Catalina at least once this summer, hopefully at least once a month.
I don't know if I'll be able to get everything together by the end of summer, but ever since September of 2006 I've been planning on having a chatters meet / campout at one of the coves there.
In case you're sharp and got your math right, yes you're correct, that's before the chatters group ever existed. A little known fact is that the whole group's existence and early management was based specifically on planning for a Catalina campout being that group's annual meet. Unfortunately life got in the way and I wasn't able to finalize the logistics of it. But that's my (admittedly optimistic) goal, to have a campout there by the end of summer. Certainly by the summer next year.
