Okay I'm gonna try something new and this could end up either horribly, or not suck at the very least. I'm going to try to write something, I'm not sure what to really call it even, a stream of thought extremely short piece of fiction. Fuck it, why not sounds interesting and possibly fun.
He stood on the balcony of their fourth floor apartment, that sat right outside of their bedroom. The door was still open and the blinds clattered together as the wind passed them to enter the super heated dwelling cooling the air to something closer to bearable. The lights in front of him stretch as far as his eyes could see after waking up due to the sweltering heat. The lights right now are nothing then large swatches of color that mean nothing to him beyound, "Blue, Yellow, Red, Brown." But he turns around, unable to for these colors into any picture that holds meaning to him, and there she is lying in their bed. Shes only covered by the thinnest of sheets that's more just to have the comfort of being covered while sleeping and nothing. But under that thin deep blue sheet she is lying on her stomach with arm jammed underneath herself and the other stretched out above her head. Her hair wavered gently as the fan in the corner of the room oscillated by every so often, and her back raised up and down with the shallow night breathes that begged for water. But none of that mattered to him, all he saw was that indentation in the bed next her, one that he normally filled, with one arm around her waist holding her close with her hand in his.
Normally he would kiss the back of her neck and tell her good night as his last thought of every night and kiss her every morning as his first thought. It was in that indentation that he would normally prop himself and watch her walk to the bathroom every morning wearing nothing more than lace underwear and and smile. He would stay there in that position until she turned on the shower at which point he usually got up and walked down the hallway to the kitchen and start to make breakfast for them. They would eat together and discuss their days and nights, there hopes and dream, what brought them the greatest joy and their deepest seeded fears that made them sweat dryly in the night with the nearest wanderance. All this as the sun raised up to greet them and sent its lights though the windows blinds and cast strips of bright against the dull illumination of the rest of the space.
Standing on that balcony, looking at that indentation and then to her back that was left open and exposed to the cool breeze that silently crept through the open doorway. When he looked at her he saw through time. He saw their past joys and sorrows. He saw her face flash before his eyes wearing all the different emotions that he had seen on it though their four years together. The tears, the grins, the scowls, the laughs, the little white lies, the sarcasm, but mostly the smiles. Those bright eyes that looked into his as those lips curled up on the ends and the dimples pulled in.There were many of these faces that passed in front of him. But then the faces became more current and the sea of smiles became increasingly a sea of scowls and faces of disappointment as he couldn't make it home for dinner more often as he began to work more at the office. The faces she wore grew distant as the hours seated at his desk at the office and not on the couch next to her grew more numerous. Then the faces became detached as if the mind behind them was not there but in a far distant land where he was no where to be seen.
Then to took a step in from the balcony and towards the bed and as he went to fill the indent his mind flashed to a new face. It was a man who she had met at work and had been going to lunch together. But then the face was gone for a while until on day it showed up to take her to the movies with some of their friends while he walked out of the door heading back to the office. He saw other man's face more often but it wasn't the thing that bothered him the most . It was the looks on her face when this man came around. Those beautiful eyes would light up and the edges of those lips started to curl up higher and faster as time went on. But then his mind snapped to the face that cut him deep into his soul as if it was a hot knife through warm butter. It was the face that he saw the night he was woken up by the shaking of the bed and the tears that fell like anvils of moisture on her pants beneath her sullen eyes. He asked what was wrong, and she looked at him and let him know she had done something bad. She was destroyed by this, he was destroyed by this. A nuclear bomb had been detonated between them and swept clean the records of smiley faces from his memory. He saw the faces of guilt and blame for a while after that. But he then started to see something that he hadn't seen in a while in the record. He saw her walking to the bathroom in the morning more, and he saw her sitting at the breakfast table more. He saw her come into the room from the bathroom having just brushed her teeth for the night. But the faces were blank, they didn't smile but after a while at least they weren't upset and hurt. But then the last face that he saw the record was from this morning, for the first time in a long time he saw the edge of those lips curl up if only the smallest measurable amount.
As he went to fill that indent, he put his arm around her waist and went to whisper in her ear, "Good night," then kissed the back of her neck and rolled over. This was his last thought of the night, and he went to sleep.
**********************
The kiss to the back of her neck had woken her up, and as she heard him start to breath heavily with the sounds of sleep she rolled over. Set one of her arms under her pillow and the other beneath her head that rested on that pillow. She looked at the back of his head and she felt the weight of history. She remembered the way that she had felt through out all of their days together. She went through the record, she found the way she felt and almost as if it was an outfit in her closet she put it on and knew how it felt to be on her. She remembered the excitement that when he first talked to her all those years ago, she felt warm on the inside and out of breath. She felt that she might have a heart attack as he held her hand through the movie as it refused to keep a regular beat. Then the next date flashed into the mental changing room for emotion and she tried it on. She felt the corners of her lips curl up as she just looked as him while she spoke and saw the way that his eyes looked into hers and not her bra line like all those other guys. She felt the hand that held onto hers as he walked her to the door of the bowling alley absorbing her thoughts into him and mentally recording them.
She now swapped to the night he asked her to be his girl, and if she would go steady with him. She felt as she giggled as the words from another life that neither of them had ever lived. She felt the fire inside her chest as she said yes and he picked her up and held her close across his chest. She felt the admiration as he carried all the heavy boxes laden with her possessions into their new house. She the joy as they built the first bed they would ever share as their own. They climbed into that bed that night and never even slept as they talked of all the possibilities for the future, where the world would go and how they would face it together. She felt the protection from the bad things in the world as he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed the back of her neck then whispering the words, "Good night," in his voice that was like good arm chair and relaxed her no matter what was going on in the rest of the world. She felt the pride as he got the call that he got the job. Then she remembered the feeling of being stuffed as they sat at the restaurant table having just celebrated the new employment.
She remembered the first day he went to the office and how when he came home she felt the joy in him as he recounted the moments of his day. She began to feel a lot of these days pass by, But those weeks were always book ended by those days together that she felt the warmth of his smile and the protection of his arms around her at every night no matter the contents of their days. But after a while those too began to fade and were replaced by more days when he would talk about nothing but work. She felt the warmth inside her chest to begin to die down as he spent more time surrounded by suits on ties like himself and not by her. She felt as the warmth left as they stood together at his Christmas party for work and he only introduced her, to the man he was discussing the the events of the the day before, after she made a cough of discomfort. She remembered as the hearth in her heart went cold as she only ever saw him going or coming from work. There weren't anymore arms around the waist at night as she went to bed before that indent next to her in bed was ever filled.
But, then she felt something familiar one day when one of the men she worked with asked if she would like to go to lunch with him one day during work. She felt unsure as she agreed but was glad that she had. They talked about everything over that lunch table. She felt ashamed as she told him about the man at home and how the warmth was no longer held within her chest. She felt better as he talked to her and reassured her that she would find that warmth again. She felt it for a moment as he said those words, and she felt even a little warmer at lunch the next day. Even though she felt cold when she passed the threshold of their home, she had found some comfort in the warmth she felt during her lunch hours. She felt warmer one day when he asked if she would like to the movies to see the movie the man at home didn't have the time to watch with her. She felt the way the hand slide around the back of her chair half way through the movie and place itself on her shoulder and at that moment for the briefest of moments she felt protected again for the first time in a long time.
She remembered how she started to feel the protected feeling more and more often until one night she felt the warmth within her chest erupt and she felt his lips on hers and before she knew it she was going home the next morning in the same cloths that she had been wearing the night before. She remembered the way that she felt the guilt of the world on her shoulders as she walked into the door of their home. She remembered the way she felt utterly destroyed and just wanted to tell him. She wanted to confess herself to him. She hated herself, and as she walked into their bedroom she saw him still laying in bed and climbed in next to him and sat with her back to the head board and sobbed. She felt the guilt and blame in his eyes as he woke up and she told him her crimes. She confessed everything to him from the lack of warmth to the return of the protective feeling. She told him of the night before when she had been to dinner with the other man and had been drinking her sorrows at home away. How she woke up in the other mans bed. She felt the way her heart broke apart as he just looked at her with fury and went to work.
She remembered the next day when he came home from work and told her that he had quit. That he would find a new job, that he would try. That he owed her that in the very least, that is if it was something she was willing to try again as well. She agreed and she felt as the work began. They had to repair everything they had destroyed in the emotional detonation. She felt nothing for a while, she found herself on an emotional wasteland where there was no good or bad. But then she noticed that she started to feel something she had not felt in a long time again. She felt the indent next to her filled when she went to bed. She smelled coffee when she got out of the shower again. She felt the warmth as he held her hand while they went where they had to go and she felt the protection when he put his arm around her at night and wished her a good night and expressed his hopes that she slept well. Then one day when exploring the remains of her emotional wasteland she found something growing. It was small flower that stood next to a house, inside there was a fireplace burning. It wasn't much but it was a foundation for great expansion.
She found herself back, laying in bed looking at his back as his chest rhythmically heaved with his deep night breaths. She kissed him on the next and said good night, then went back to bed.
*************
So there it is, it's really late I'll edit it in the morning or sometime tomorrow. I look so dead in tonights picture too.
He stood on the balcony of their fourth floor apartment, that sat right outside of their bedroom. The door was still open and the blinds clattered together as the wind passed them to enter the super heated dwelling cooling the air to something closer to bearable. The lights in front of him stretch as far as his eyes could see after waking up due to the sweltering heat. The lights right now are nothing then large swatches of color that mean nothing to him beyound, "Blue, Yellow, Red, Brown." But he turns around, unable to for these colors into any picture that holds meaning to him, and there she is lying in their bed. Shes only covered by the thinnest of sheets that's more just to have the comfort of being covered while sleeping and nothing. But under that thin deep blue sheet she is lying on her stomach with arm jammed underneath herself and the other stretched out above her head. Her hair wavered gently as the fan in the corner of the room oscillated by every so often, and her back raised up and down with the shallow night breathes that begged for water. But none of that mattered to him, all he saw was that indentation in the bed next her, one that he normally filled, with one arm around her waist holding her close with her hand in his.
Normally he would kiss the back of her neck and tell her good night as his last thought of every night and kiss her every morning as his first thought. It was in that indentation that he would normally prop himself and watch her walk to the bathroom every morning wearing nothing more than lace underwear and and smile. He would stay there in that position until she turned on the shower at which point he usually got up and walked down the hallway to the kitchen and start to make breakfast for them. They would eat together and discuss their days and nights, there hopes and dream, what brought them the greatest joy and their deepest seeded fears that made them sweat dryly in the night with the nearest wanderance. All this as the sun raised up to greet them and sent its lights though the windows blinds and cast strips of bright against the dull illumination of the rest of the space.
Standing on that balcony, looking at that indentation and then to her back that was left open and exposed to the cool breeze that silently crept through the open doorway. When he looked at her he saw through time. He saw their past joys and sorrows. He saw her face flash before his eyes wearing all the different emotions that he had seen on it though their four years together. The tears, the grins, the scowls, the laughs, the little white lies, the sarcasm, but mostly the smiles. Those bright eyes that looked into his as those lips curled up on the ends and the dimples pulled in.There were many of these faces that passed in front of him. But then the faces became more current and the sea of smiles became increasingly a sea of scowls and faces of disappointment as he couldn't make it home for dinner more often as he began to work more at the office. The faces she wore grew distant as the hours seated at his desk at the office and not on the couch next to her grew more numerous. Then the faces became detached as if the mind behind them was not there but in a far distant land where he was no where to be seen.
Then to took a step in from the balcony and towards the bed and as he went to fill the indent his mind flashed to a new face. It was a man who she had met at work and had been going to lunch together. But then the face was gone for a while until on day it showed up to take her to the movies with some of their friends while he walked out of the door heading back to the office. He saw other man's face more often but it wasn't the thing that bothered him the most . It was the looks on her face when this man came around. Those beautiful eyes would light up and the edges of those lips started to curl up higher and faster as time went on. But then his mind snapped to the face that cut him deep into his soul as if it was a hot knife through warm butter. It was the face that he saw the night he was woken up by the shaking of the bed and the tears that fell like anvils of moisture on her pants beneath her sullen eyes. He asked what was wrong, and she looked at him and let him know she had done something bad. She was destroyed by this, he was destroyed by this. A nuclear bomb had been detonated between them and swept clean the records of smiley faces from his memory. He saw the faces of guilt and blame for a while after that. But he then started to see something that he hadn't seen in a while in the record. He saw her walking to the bathroom in the morning more, and he saw her sitting at the breakfast table more. He saw her come into the room from the bathroom having just brushed her teeth for the night. But the faces were blank, they didn't smile but after a while at least they weren't upset and hurt. But then the last face that he saw the record was from this morning, for the first time in a long time he saw the edge of those lips curl up if only the smallest measurable amount.
As he went to fill that indent, he put his arm around her waist and went to whisper in her ear, "Good night," then kissed the back of her neck and rolled over. This was his last thought of the night, and he went to sleep.
**********************
The kiss to the back of her neck had woken her up, and as she heard him start to breath heavily with the sounds of sleep she rolled over. Set one of her arms under her pillow and the other beneath her head that rested on that pillow. She looked at the back of his head and she felt the weight of history. She remembered the way that she had felt through out all of their days together. She went through the record, she found the way she felt and almost as if it was an outfit in her closet she put it on and knew how it felt to be on her. She remembered the excitement that when he first talked to her all those years ago, she felt warm on the inside and out of breath. She felt that she might have a heart attack as he held her hand through the movie as it refused to keep a regular beat. Then the next date flashed into the mental changing room for emotion and she tried it on. She felt the corners of her lips curl up as she just looked as him while she spoke and saw the way that his eyes looked into hers and not her bra line like all those other guys. She felt the hand that held onto hers as he walked her to the door of the bowling alley absorbing her thoughts into him and mentally recording them.
She now swapped to the night he asked her to be his girl, and if she would go steady with him. She felt as she giggled as the words from another life that neither of them had ever lived. She felt the fire inside her chest as she said yes and he picked her up and held her close across his chest. She felt the admiration as he carried all the heavy boxes laden with her possessions into their new house. She the joy as they built the first bed they would ever share as their own. They climbed into that bed that night and never even slept as they talked of all the possibilities for the future, where the world would go and how they would face it together. She felt the protection from the bad things in the world as he wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed the back of her neck then whispering the words, "Good night," in his voice that was like good arm chair and relaxed her no matter what was going on in the rest of the world. She felt the pride as he got the call that he got the job. Then she remembered the feeling of being stuffed as they sat at the restaurant table having just celebrated the new employment.
She remembered the first day he went to the office and how when he came home she felt the joy in him as he recounted the moments of his day. She began to feel a lot of these days pass by, But those weeks were always book ended by those days together that she felt the warmth of his smile and the protection of his arms around her at every night no matter the contents of their days. But after a while those too began to fade and were replaced by more days when he would talk about nothing but work. She felt the warmth inside her chest to begin to die down as he spent more time surrounded by suits on ties like himself and not by her. She felt as the warmth left as they stood together at his Christmas party for work and he only introduced her, to the man he was discussing the the events of the the day before, after she made a cough of discomfort. She remembered as the hearth in her heart went cold as she only ever saw him going or coming from work. There weren't anymore arms around the waist at night as she went to bed before that indent next to her in bed was ever filled.
But, then she felt something familiar one day when one of the men she worked with asked if she would like to go to lunch with him one day during work. She felt unsure as she agreed but was glad that she had. They talked about everything over that lunch table. She felt ashamed as she told him about the man at home and how the warmth was no longer held within her chest. She felt better as he talked to her and reassured her that she would find that warmth again. She felt it for a moment as he said those words, and she felt even a little warmer at lunch the next day. Even though she felt cold when she passed the threshold of their home, she had found some comfort in the warmth she felt during her lunch hours. She felt warmer one day when he asked if she would like to the movies to see the movie the man at home didn't have the time to watch with her. She felt the way the hand slide around the back of her chair half way through the movie and place itself on her shoulder and at that moment for the briefest of moments she felt protected again for the first time in a long time.
She remembered how she started to feel the protected feeling more and more often until one night she felt the warmth within her chest erupt and she felt his lips on hers and before she knew it she was going home the next morning in the same cloths that she had been wearing the night before. She remembered the way that she felt the guilt of the world on her shoulders as she walked into the door of their home. She remembered the way she felt utterly destroyed and just wanted to tell him. She wanted to confess herself to him. She hated herself, and as she walked into their bedroom she saw him still laying in bed and climbed in next to him and sat with her back to the head board and sobbed. She felt the guilt and blame in his eyes as he woke up and she told him her crimes. She confessed everything to him from the lack of warmth to the return of the protective feeling. She told him of the night before when she had been to dinner with the other man and had been drinking her sorrows at home away. How she woke up in the other mans bed. She felt the way her heart broke apart as he just looked at her with fury and went to work.
She remembered the next day when he came home from work and told her that he had quit. That he would find a new job, that he would try. That he owed her that in the very least, that is if it was something she was willing to try again as well. She agreed and she felt as the work began. They had to repair everything they had destroyed in the emotional detonation. She felt nothing for a while, she found herself on an emotional wasteland where there was no good or bad. But then she noticed that she started to feel something she had not felt in a long time again. She felt the indent next to her filled when she went to bed. She smelled coffee when she got out of the shower again. She felt the warmth as he held her hand while they went where they had to go and she felt the protection when he put his arm around her at night and wished her a good night and expressed his hopes that she slept well. Then one day when exploring the remains of her emotional wasteland she found something growing. It was small flower that stood next to a house, inside there was a fireplace burning. It wasn't much but it was a foundation for great expansion.
She found herself back, laying in bed looking at his back as his chest rhythmically heaved with his deep night breaths. She kissed him on the next and said good night, then went back to bed.
*************
So there it is, it's really late I'll edit it in the morning or sometime tomorrow. I look so dead in tonights picture too.