August 2, 2010
I know it has been a while since my last post; however, it is with good reason that I have not posted anything recently. First; I have been extremely busy with work and trying to keep up with school. Second; my last post is one that I wanted everyone to read so that those mentioned would know how truly grateful I am for everything they did. Third; a new chapter in my life is opening up and I wanted some time for this blog to cool down so I can start fresh and new today. Fourth; I wanted to make sure that it was clear that I am not at all a part of the BS; as you can see, it goes on without me.
A fresh start is what I have been after for close to ten years, ever since I stopped doing stupid things and started being a part of life again. I have found that fresh start now; a fresh start in a new home and a new city. The weight and suffocation of things are gone; the fogginess and doubt have been replaced with confidence and clarity. Clarity has opened up a new outlook and vision and with those comes a new perspective of the future, the present and most of all, the past.
August 2, 2010
Day 1.
Well the actual day 1 was a while ago but today is the official day 1 for this record and timeline.
Question? Where to start? Start rebuilding the parts of a life that were removed by the problems and hard times that life can present. I have been preoccupied with thoughts of how to re-establish friendships, and how to re-emerge in places that I once frequented, especially the few places are off limits to me. I still think about why but know the surface reasons and understand that those reasons were for the good of the people there. People I love and admire to this day, so I will of course respect their wishes, and remain away. I am of course at their beck and call if they wish to change things; however, the rebuilding of ones life and relationships is not an easy task. There is still much opposition and many others who continue to impede efforts by me and others who I wish to be a part of my life.
Clarity has opened up a new outlook and vision and with those comes a new perspective of the future, the present and most of all, the past. THE PAST. These two words mean so much and carry with them a weight that can stop anything; if we let them.
I have asked for honesty, for those that wish to know something to simply ask me, and for those that I love to contact me so we can move forward with life. For the record; Whenever you are ready, I will be here.
Back to my question. Where does one begin when he wants to rebuild?
1st; He accepts the past, realizes the present and only looks towards the future.
I know that there are many regrets and I know there are many missed opportunities to try and correct. Setting things right has always been my intention and now is the time to try to do just that.
I have no idea what to do nor do I know how long it will take. The other thing I am not too clear about is what others think. The one thing I am sure of, is that the people I love, care for and want in my life, know how I feel.
Remembering who I am and knowing that I did not attack anyone is one of the many things I am proud of and also one of the things I can guarantee everyone. I always looked to the end and never wanted to look back and say that I was one of the cowards who attacked people in the way I was attacked. I will not apologize for the things I say in my sleep, and I will also tell you, like I have before, they cannot be relied on and are often not what you think.
This blog and the things I do when awake are the only really reliable tells that apply to me.
FYI; If you have blocked me, ask me not to come around, or just made it clear you would not want me in your life, I cannot change that without your help.
Day 2 starts early so good night and talk tomorrow.
I know it has been a while since my last post; however, it is with good reason that I have not posted anything recently. First; I have been extremely busy with work and trying to keep up with school. Second; my last post is one that I wanted everyone to read so that those mentioned would know how truly grateful I am for everything they did. Third; a new chapter in my life is opening up and I wanted some time for this blog to cool down so I can start fresh and new today. Fourth; I wanted to make sure that it was clear that I am not at all a part of the BS; as you can see, it goes on without me.
A fresh start is what I have been after for close to ten years, ever since I stopped doing stupid things and started being a part of life again. I have found that fresh start now; a fresh start in a new home and a new city. The weight and suffocation of things are gone; the fogginess and doubt have been replaced with confidence and clarity. Clarity has opened up a new outlook and vision and with those comes a new perspective of the future, the present and most of all, the past.
August 2, 2010
Day 1.
Well the actual day 1 was a while ago but today is the official day 1 for this record and timeline.
Question? Where to start? Start rebuilding the parts of a life that were removed by the problems and hard times that life can present. I have been preoccupied with thoughts of how to re-establish friendships, and how to re-emerge in places that I once frequented, especially the few places are off limits to me. I still think about why but know the surface reasons and understand that those reasons were for the good of the people there. People I love and admire to this day, so I will of course respect their wishes, and remain away. I am of course at their beck and call if they wish to change things; however, the rebuilding of ones life and relationships is not an easy task. There is still much opposition and many others who continue to impede efforts by me and others who I wish to be a part of my life.
Clarity has opened up a new outlook and vision and with those comes a new perspective of the future, the present and most of all, the past. THE PAST. These two words mean so much and carry with them a weight that can stop anything; if we let them.
I have asked for honesty, for those that wish to know something to simply ask me, and for those that I love to contact me so we can move forward with life. For the record; Whenever you are ready, I will be here.
Back to my question. Where does one begin when he wants to rebuild?
1st; He accepts the past, realizes the present and only looks towards the future.
I know that there are many regrets and I know there are many missed opportunities to try and correct. Setting things right has always been my intention and now is the time to try to do just that.
I have no idea what to do nor do I know how long it will take. The other thing I am not too clear about is what others think. The one thing I am sure of, is that the people I love, care for and want in my life, know how I feel.
Remembering who I am and knowing that I did not attack anyone is one of the many things I am proud of and also one of the things I can guarantee everyone. I always looked to the end and never wanted to look back and say that I was one of the cowards who attacked people in the way I was attacked. I will not apologize for the things I say in my sleep, and I will also tell you, like I have before, they cannot be relied on and are often not what you think.
This blog and the things I do when awake are the only really reliable tells that apply to me.
FYI; If you have blocked me, ask me not to come around, or just made it clear you would not want me in your life, I cannot change that without your help.
Day 2 starts early so good night and talk tomorrow.