A Nervous Game
Walking in the front door takes a few tries tonight. Ever since I realized that there might be a chance that I could be with Alyssa this place has become like a pressure cooker. Its 5:55pm and she may still be here, but she may have already left because her shift did end a short while ago. I should have come earlier, I always come in early; I am always early enough to be here when she gets off, but this time I waited. Waited so Alyssa wouldnt think I was too desperate nor did I want to scare her off. This is pride talking and it probably makes her think I am playing games or something. Games I know she is better at, and games that I will lose if I take them too far. Stopping at the door I have to take a breath, and build up some courage before I open it; however, the hostess beats me to. She knows me and I can see she knows what is going on as well; I can tell by the smirk on her face and the way she says, Hi to me. A hi that actually says weve been waiting for you. Let the show begin.
The Hostesses greeting forces me to talk, but the words are mumbled and my voice scratches the air. I try to recover but shes already laughing and looking away. I am trying to look around without making it clear that Im here to see Alyssa, but all I see is that everyone already knows that Alyssa is the only reason I am here. As I walk to my spot at the bar, my heart quickens, I begin to sweat and my mouth goes dry; a feeling I know well, but can never overcome. As I look around as I am walking I spot her friends, they are looking right at me and they are all wearing that same smirk that I saw on the hostess. They turn to each other and laugh, and I wonder if they are talking about me. Then the stress starts with questions about what they are saying and if they saying good things. I wonder if she talks to them about me and what does she say. As I begin to realize that she does I am overcome with fear and now I know they are watching me, sizing me up and it will be their judgment that she will hear and their opinions that she will listen to. I know they will make their recommendations to her later and that everything I do now is under investigation; as I move I try to act normal and walk straight, but its no use I am too stiff and clumsy all of them can see that I am off balance and uncomfortable..
I reach my seat, the one I always get, the one next to the servers only station. She is not in sight; a relief comes over me and I smile a little. But then the questions arise; where is she, who is she with, is she with a guy or her girlfriends? Now Im a little angry at her for not being there, and start to thing me being there is a mistake. She knew I would be coming in, and after last week and the things she said, why isnt she here? My face begins to get hot and my stomach begins to turn and I grab my menu to hide behind.
Little do I know, she has been watching me the whole time, and she is smiling while her friend and fellow server tells her, He is a mess, look at the poor guy? You should go say Hi. But she just laughs and asks, Why? Hes all mine and hes not going anywhere. She continues to finish her shift end paperwork and cash out while her friend tells her she is being a bitch while laughing at the whole thing.
As I sit there and stare at the menu; not reading it but just looking into it, I am trying to sort things out in my mind. I analyze each little memory and situation What did she say the last time I saw her, and did that mean she is interested, or was she just being polite. I remember the other day when I saw her with that guy having drinks and then theres was the time when she sat next to me and gently grazed my hand with her finger. She is always putting herself within earshot, when I talk to other girls and then she acts like Im doing something wrong. Where is she and who is she with? Wait, does she have a boyfriend or is she just playing me. I remember the hug she gave me the day she bought me lunch.
Maybe Im just seeing what I want to see here, like what if she is just doing her job by being nice to me? Was this a mistake? Should I leave now before it is too late? I cannot get a girl like her, what was I thinking, its her job to be nice to people. Shes beautiful and Im not. This is what women do and this is what they want; they want you confused and unsure of yourself. I should come back next week; maybe a week or two of not seeing me will get her thinking this way. Yeah that is what a real player would do, make her wait and think about who I am with.
Just as Im about to get up and leave, another server says Hi but I dont even hear her until she taps my shoulder, and says it again. I look up at her with surprise and then lean back allowing my body to relax. I wonder if I have been talking out loud the whole time. I smile with a gasp and say Hi. She is the friend who was just watching me with her, so she just chuckles and tries not to outright laugh. When she gathers her drinks she pats my shoulder and walks away.
I know right then that I am an idiot, and I have to calm down so I look up to order a drink begin to think about her. I think about those black boots she wears, the ones that she hides her access card in. I can see her as she reaches into them to retrieve it, how she reaches down and lifts her leg at the same time; creating a sexy silhouette and a beautiful profile. I think about all the times I have imagined taking off all her clothes except her boots. I think about how beautiful her blue eyes would be as I am staring into them while on top of her. A smile comes across my face and I laugh at myself for a second. She may not be here tonight, but she will be here next week. Maybe I will surprise her and come in on another day, catch her off guard and be a little less predictable. Looking up I can see that the bartender has been watching me and since she and I are close she is being cool about what she has seen me go through. My drink is already in front of me and an appetizer is on the way. I just smile and tell her to be quiet as I shake my head and look over at Alyssas friends who have now better things to do than watch me.
As my eyes return to the TV and the bar area, I see another server that I have been talking to. She smiles at me and I smile back with a wave. She is on the other side of the bar and just waves back while looking over at the table of Alyssas friends.
Alyssas has been watching me and she knows she has the power, but now she wants to see what I will do to get her. Her first move is to walk up to the table of her friends and start talking and laughing with them. They all think she is being mean, but they know the game, and they would do the same thing so they play along and make sure I can see them. Some guy approaches them and she smiles and greats him with a hand on his arm -- my eyes widen while I take a deep breath -- as she looks over at me, she quickly removes her hand and looks away. Her friends all smile because they saw my reaction too, and in that they all learn that she is right and its clear now that she is in control, so I look away and take a drink.
I think about things for a second and contemplate what my next move should be. Should I let them have their fun and not look back at them? Should I do the same and talk to the other server or maybe just pick a new girl to talk to? Then I realize that this is a good thing and I can relax now because its clear, I was right and she knows that I know; its the game and I decide to give in and let her win this round. I buy her a drink and walk it over to her. She acts like she didnt notice me and greets me with a hug, and a smile. I play along, because I too would like to forget the way I was acting only moments ago.
The night looks very promising now, I came in, stayed and approached. Always remember to try, and have some confidence in yourself and in her as well.
Its the Game and it works when you both know its mutual; because thats when its fair even when you are going through hell, in your own mind.
Walking in the front door takes a few tries tonight. Ever since I realized that there might be a chance that I could be with Alyssa this place has become like a pressure cooker. Its 5:55pm and she may still be here, but she may have already left because her shift did end a short while ago. I should have come earlier, I always come in early; I am always early enough to be here when she gets off, but this time I waited. Waited so Alyssa wouldnt think I was too desperate nor did I want to scare her off. This is pride talking and it probably makes her think I am playing games or something. Games I know she is better at, and games that I will lose if I take them too far. Stopping at the door I have to take a breath, and build up some courage before I open it; however, the hostess beats me to. She knows me and I can see she knows what is going on as well; I can tell by the smirk on her face and the way she says, Hi to me. A hi that actually says weve been waiting for you. Let the show begin.
The Hostesses greeting forces me to talk, but the words are mumbled and my voice scratches the air. I try to recover but shes already laughing and looking away. I am trying to look around without making it clear that Im here to see Alyssa, but all I see is that everyone already knows that Alyssa is the only reason I am here. As I walk to my spot at the bar, my heart quickens, I begin to sweat and my mouth goes dry; a feeling I know well, but can never overcome. As I look around as I am walking I spot her friends, they are looking right at me and they are all wearing that same smirk that I saw on the hostess. They turn to each other and laugh, and I wonder if they are talking about me. Then the stress starts with questions about what they are saying and if they saying good things. I wonder if she talks to them about me and what does she say. As I begin to realize that she does I am overcome with fear and now I know they are watching me, sizing me up and it will be their judgment that she will hear and their opinions that she will listen to. I know they will make their recommendations to her later and that everything I do now is under investigation; as I move I try to act normal and walk straight, but its no use I am too stiff and clumsy all of them can see that I am off balance and uncomfortable..
I reach my seat, the one I always get, the one next to the servers only station. She is not in sight; a relief comes over me and I smile a little. But then the questions arise; where is she, who is she with, is she with a guy or her girlfriends? Now Im a little angry at her for not being there, and start to thing me being there is a mistake. She knew I would be coming in, and after last week and the things she said, why isnt she here? My face begins to get hot and my stomach begins to turn and I grab my menu to hide behind.
Little do I know, she has been watching me the whole time, and she is smiling while her friend and fellow server tells her, He is a mess, look at the poor guy? You should go say Hi. But she just laughs and asks, Why? Hes all mine and hes not going anywhere. She continues to finish her shift end paperwork and cash out while her friend tells her she is being a bitch while laughing at the whole thing.
As I sit there and stare at the menu; not reading it but just looking into it, I am trying to sort things out in my mind. I analyze each little memory and situation What did she say the last time I saw her, and did that mean she is interested, or was she just being polite. I remember the other day when I saw her with that guy having drinks and then theres was the time when she sat next to me and gently grazed my hand with her finger. She is always putting herself within earshot, when I talk to other girls and then she acts like Im doing something wrong. Where is she and who is she with? Wait, does she have a boyfriend or is she just playing me. I remember the hug she gave me the day she bought me lunch.
Maybe Im just seeing what I want to see here, like what if she is just doing her job by being nice to me? Was this a mistake? Should I leave now before it is too late? I cannot get a girl like her, what was I thinking, its her job to be nice to people. Shes beautiful and Im not. This is what women do and this is what they want; they want you confused and unsure of yourself. I should come back next week; maybe a week or two of not seeing me will get her thinking this way. Yeah that is what a real player would do, make her wait and think about who I am with.
Just as Im about to get up and leave, another server says Hi but I dont even hear her until she taps my shoulder, and says it again. I look up at her with surprise and then lean back allowing my body to relax. I wonder if I have been talking out loud the whole time. I smile with a gasp and say Hi. She is the friend who was just watching me with her, so she just chuckles and tries not to outright laugh. When she gathers her drinks she pats my shoulder and walks away.
I know right then that I am an idiot, and I have to calm down so I look up to order a drink begin to think about her. I think about those black boots she wears, the ones that she hides her access card in. I can see her as she reaches into them to retrieve it, how she reaches down and lifts her leg at the same time; creating a sexy silhouette and a beautiful profile. I think about all the times I have imagined taking off all her clothes except her boots. I think about how beautiful her blue eyes would be as I am staring into them while on top of her. A smile comes across my face and I laugh at myself for a second. She may not be here tonight, but she will be here next week. Maybe I will surprise her and come in on another day, catch her off guard and be a little less predictable. Looking up I can see that the bartender has been watching me and since she and I are close she is being cool about what she has seen me go through. My drink is already in front of me and an appetizer is on the way. I just smile and tell her to be quiet as I shake my head and look over at Alyssas friends who have now better things to do than watch me.
As my eyes return to the TV and the bar area, I see another server that I have been talking to. She smiles at me and I smile back with a wave. She is on the other side of the bar and just waves back while looking over at the table of Alyssas friends.
Alyssas has been watching me and she knows she has the power, but now she wants to see what I will do to get her. Her first move is to walk up to the table of her friends and start talking and laughing with them. They all think she is being mean, but they know the game, and they would do the same thing so they play along and make sure I can see them. Some guy approaches them and she smiles and greats him with a hand on his arm -- my eyes widen while I take a deep breath -- as she looks over at me, she quickly removes her hand and looks away. Her friends all smile because they saw my reaction too, and in that they all learn that she is right and its clear now that she is in control, so I look away and take a drink.
I think about things for a second and contemplate what my next move should be. Should I let them have their fun and not look back at them? Should I do the same and talk to the other server or maybe just pick a new girl to talk to? Then I realize that this is a good thing and I can relax now because its clear, I was right and she knows that I know; its the game and I decide to give in and let her win this round. I buy her a drink and walk it over to her. She acts like she didnt notice me and greets me with a hug, and a smile. I play along, because I too would like to forget the way I was acting only moments ago.
The night looks very promising now, I came in, stayed and approached. Always remember to try, and have some confidence in yourself and in her as well.
Its the Game and it works when you both know its mutual; because thats when its fair even when you are going through hell, in your own mind.