Happy Humpday, kids.

You know, trying to go from overweight to looking like you did ten years ago is, quite frankly, fucking hard work. I'm not even saying I truly believe I'm going to make it, as I think the days of seeing something resembling a six-pack are gone unless I buy one at Ralphs, but still........

Getting there, though. Three months down and just started a new three-month plan of P90X and Insanity. Ow.

So, I'm not going to Grad School next year. Which blows. So now I have to figure out what, exactly, is next.

Anybody want to give me a job? Bueller? Bueller? Fry? Fry?

Okay. Five weeks into P90X, sweating like a maniac and SLOWLY getting results. S L O W L Y. Six pack WAY in the future.

But I have my first Grad School interview manana so I'm very excited!

Wish me luck!!!!!

Know what's gonna be awesome? When I can post a photo of me with abs. I've been half-assing my workouts for over three years and I'm stuck at this ludicrous weight of 200 with no definition.

Fuck. That.

Week three of P90X just started. I'm drenched in sweat from 60 minutes of Plyo. And I'm doing this to get back at my ex-grlfriend. Nothing better than looking amazing and moving on.

April. I will post shirtless in April. Beware.

Why why WHY? The girl I've been in love with for decades - who I can't be with b/c she's with someone else and is too paranoid and scared to end her relationship to be with me even though all I ever hear is how much she will love me forever - decided to tell me she's in town but apparently won't see me since she's "never allowed to see me again."

So why the fuck TELL me you'll be staying three fucking BLOCKS from me unless all you want to do is TORTURE me? I'm not 23 anymore, I'm over this "heartsick pining over someone is romantic" shit. Either say you're getting the guts to see me for a drink and talk or DON'T TELL ME. New York is a big fucking town. I'd never have run into you.

Christ.

Big week. Not only does it look like the filmed version of NEVERMORE is almost through the editing process, but I've made the decision to get my MFA in Directing.

I've been miserable, depressed and angry with myself for the past three months because nothing has been happening, I feel worthless, and the world hasn't exactly been helping. But after a conversation with my pal Beki about getting my MFA, suddenly things start presenting themselves and I'm thrust into an exciting new worldview of myself, my abilities and the number of connections that I actually have. It's been good. VERY good.

Between that and my insistence that I attend the Sunday night Singles event in Santa Monica to meet some new people, dammit, things are looking up.

High five, Universe.

Right. Short, whiny list and bitch time.

Things I need:

1. Job.
2. Money (see 1, but honestly, I need a job more to have something to make me PRODUCTIVE)
3. Girlfriend.
4. Consistency in a career that I like.

Lemme 'splain.

I'm not (okay, to be honest let's just say I didn't USED TO BE) a lazy lout who doesn't want to work. On the contrary, I'm a very hard worker, wind up being the "lead" guy in most every job I get and get along with almost everybody. But I'm no longer settling for jobs I don't want or shouldn't have.

I SHOULD NOT be somebody's assistant. It just doesn't work. Creative partner? Totally. Assistant? Hell, no. Tried it. Doesn't work. I'm too self-starting and interested in actually working on projects.

Been trying to et back into doing SOMETHING creative. I went so far as to start auditioning for low budget grad films again just to have something to do. I'd love to teach acting, but doing that out here essentially requires rounding up people and forcing them to pay you. And god knows I don't want any friends in a class I'd teach.

This long-distance semi-romance thing I have going with someone is just too painful. I need to actually SEE somebody and DO THINGS with and for them. I'm too much of a romantic to just see somebody three times a year. It doesn't work. Can I just meet somebody fun, cute and available?

Blah blah.

(In the time of writing that last paragraph, I just had a GREAT and much needed phone conversation with a friend who's assured me he and many many others are going through similar issues right now, which actually makes me feel much better........ just that feeling that I'm not alone and simply being worthless.)

Long story short, I need to be re-inspired. By something. Someone. Someplace.

It'll happen.

Just, please, soon.

Okay, enough with this damn flu. I'm getting out of the apartment and I'm working out today. Period.

MATT AND MIKE REVIEW THE EXORCIST

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MATT AND MIKE REVIEW GHOSTBUSTERS

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ALIEN coming next....!

In a nice change from the curling up in a fetal position and lurking under my bed with post-show depression that I thought I'd have, I just spent an AWESOME week working on a short film! Great people, fun cast, and I got paid, so THAT'S alright!

Moving on to marketing the show, writing the next show, and getting my damn screenplay right.

And I should probably start dating again. ; )