"Husband."

"I prefer him."

"You are my King!"

"scopitone is my knight in shining armor. together, we will ride off into the sunset, upon a unicorn. forever."

"I don't really know Scopitone but he carried me around for so long he bruised his fine muscular abs, which I assume means he likes me. Either that, or he just liked that sound I kept making when he would adjust where my crotch was bruising him. But seriously, Scopitone is a fine gentleman, and a true SOLM.

I should like to perhaps one day be among women claiming to love him because he made out with me.

"

"I'm surprised his testimonials aren't full of adoring women claiming they love him because they made out once at a party. I'm also a little disappointed, as I was planning to make fun of these women.

You see, I actually love Scopitone. He is one of those rare friends who shrugs off acts of extreme devotion as just part of bein' friends. I am megalomaniacal in the utmost, but I would trust this man with my goddamned life—even though being in a car while he's behind the wheel is absolutely terrifying. So yeah, he's so funny and so awesome and hip and cool and handsome, but he is fucking SOLID, and I am so fucking lucky to have him on my side...you Irish fuck."

"Cad!"