tuesday 7-03-07
Kinda lonely today.
Talked to CAL last night, was kind of surprised to hear form her a
ctually.
Shes either really messed up in the head or playin her games again,
or quite possibly just that confused about life. But I dont think so
on the latter. Shes a bit scattered in the head, but shes no
dummy. Apparently from what she tells her friends I am just a bit
psycho jealous. Now why would that be? And is this just from Sunday?
I dont think she got it on Sunday, I was pissed at her for ignoring
me, I was pissed caused she couldnt find the 5 seconds it takes her
to answer a txt msg, and this is the girl that had to up her plan to
1500 monthly txts, and still goes over sometimes! Hell, shes always
txting when she is with me, but as she said, not when shes with her
friends, well, at least she wont txt me when she is. And funnier thing
is, after sending her the last one that basicly said how the f** u
can not find the time it takes to respond when u say u are doing nothing
but walking around with a female friend, then if not dont bother
as being jealous as opposed to pissed at being treated like that is
beyond me, and to then go home and take a nap with out a hi, a call, any
response?? Thats kinda fucked up if you ask me, actually most people
I have asked seemed to think its a bit fucked up. But anyway, back
to why they think I am jealous, well, lets see do the ex-boyfriends
piss me off at the moment. Umm yes. They do. And why do they.. well,
lets see, maybe because the whole time I have known her she lied about
two of them, caught her red handed in the lies, she still tried to lie,
and then after that, she goes and does it again. And oh, ya, there is
the one that she got drunk with, that tried to take her home to fuck
her, but no, she was responsible, and took him home and layed in bed
watching a movie for 3 hours with him instead, still very drunk, and
probably high, and of course nothing happened, werent even touching
each other actually according to her, but hey, lets cover that one up to
and lie about. So why am I am I not happy with the ex world at the
moment, hmmm, maybe because she lied about all them, and then slept with
one?? But no sex of course. So that translates into me being to
jealous to her friends, who of course no nothing of this stuff, because
its not like she is honest with them either.
What else from last night,,, oh ya, she wanted to talk to explain why
she had to end things, not that she wanted, but haaaad to. And the
earth shattering reason,,,, because she had fucked up to much and I
would never trust her and she doesnt want to fight, so lets end it
all. The real reason, because to say I am an idiot is an
understatement, but I have been telling her along, to just be honest
with me about this stuff and these people and her life, and it
wouldnt be a problem (except for the going to bed drunk with the
guy trying to fuck u that u had a 3+ year relationship with.come on now
ya dumb ass). I mean how hard is that? Freakin talk to me about
things, thats all. Someone says to you the relationship needs to end
because they feel they have screwed up to many things with you, you say
to them all you have to do is talk to me, correct the lies and bullshit,
realize I actually do like you and did trust you and wasnt gonna
judge so there was no reason to lie about it all, and apparently that is
to much effot for this person, because being open and talking about
things is oh so hard she says. Cry me a freakin river.
Now I sit hear and say to myself, what kind of idiot can she be?
Assuming what she says is true (wait,, we are talking about someone who
has done nothing but manipulate and lie to me for the two months I have
known her) and she really does care, and really does want something to
work out, and really was to worried that I would judge her badly for all
that so she hid it, but now its to much effort to be honest and open?
Heres your get out of jail for free card, and you dont want to take
it?? And it all ends with, yes, I want to be honest and open, and I
dont want things to end, maybe we should go back to just
dating. Hmmm, kinda makes me feel like a used condom, I
mean, u can get three or four good screws out of it, but once its done,
its done, it doesnt get repackaged for later. Into the toilet and
flush and all gone till the next one.
So as many of you may be asking, the real question, why am I so dumb?
I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt, I keep making or accepting
the excuses she gives for the lies, and yet she is the one saying its
for my own good, shes doing it for me, and its to much effort
or work to fix things on her part.
So why am I still here? This has gotta to be the most shit I have ever
put up with from a person I think, maybe I just want to be believe whats
plainly not true, she really doesnt care about much, it was all a
game for her, and yes, she got it all, and then didnt want it
anymore. I can understand the chase, but keep it to the physical stuff,
if you want to chase my heart just to see if you can get it, I dont
think you can get much lower or more hurtful than that.
Well, I can leave happy, I certainly didnt do her any wrong, as much
as I should have and could have, at some point shes gonna realize,
compared to the assholes she has been with in the past, and probably
will be in the future, shes the one loosing out big time here, and
its gonna be awhile before she finds this again or someone that would
treat this way, to bad shes to stupid to see it, actually, to bad I am
to stupid to take this long to accept it.
Kinda lonely today.
Talked to CAL last night, was kind of surprised to hear form her a
ctually.
Shes either really messed up in the head or playin her games again,
or quite possibly just that confused about life. But I dont think so
on the latter. Shes a bit scattered in the head, but shes no
dummy. Apparently from what she tells her friends I am just a bit
psycho jealous. Now why would that be? And is this just from Sunday?
I dont think she got it on Sunday, I was pissed at her for ignoring
me, I was pissed caused she couldnt find the 5 seconds it takes her
to answer a txt msg, and this is the girl that had to up her plan to
1500 monthly txts, and still goes over sometimes! Hell, shes always
txting when she is with me, but as she said, not when shes with her
friends, well, at least she wont txt me when she is. And funnier thing
is, after sending her the last one that basicly said how the f** u
can not find the time it takes to respond when u say u are doing nothing
but walking around with a female friend, then if not dont bother
as being jealous as opposed to pissed at being treated like that is
beyond me, and to then go home and take a nap with out a hi, a call, any
response?? Thats kinda fucked up if you ask me, actually most people
I have asked seemed to think its a bit fucked up. But anyway, back
to why they think I am jealous, well, lets see do the ex-boyfriends
piss me off at the moment. Umm yes. They do. And why do they.. well,
lets see, maybe because the whole time I have known her she lied about
two of them, caught her red handed in the lies, she still tried to lie,
and then after that, she goes and does it again. And oh, ya, there is
the one that she got drunk with, that tried to take her home to fuck
her, but no, she was responsible, and took him home and layed in bed
watching a movie for 3 hours with him instead, still very drunk, and
probably high, and of course nothing happened, werent even touching
each other actually according to her, but hey, lets cover that one up to
and lie about. So why am I am I not happy with the ex world at the
moment, hmmm, maybe because she lied about all them, and then slept with
one?? But no sex of course. So that translates into me being to
jealous to her friends, who of course no nothing of this stuff, because
its not like she is honest with them either.
What else from last night,,, oh ya, she wanted to talk to explain why
she had to end things, not that she wanted, but haaaad to. And the
earth shattering reason,,,, because she had fucked up to much and I
would never trust her and she doesnt want to fight, so lets end it
all. The real reason, because to say I am an idiot is an
understatement, but I have been telling her along, to just be honest
with me about this stuff and these people and her life, and it
wouldnt be a problem (except for the going to bed drunk with the
guy trying to fuck u that u had a 3+ year relationship with.come on now
ya dumb ass). I mean how hard is that? Freakin talk to me about
things, thats all. Someone says to you the relationship needs to end
because they feel they have screwed up to many things with you, you say
to them all you have to do is talk to me, correct the lies and bullshit,
realize I actually do like you and did trust you and wasnt gonna
judge so there was no reason to lie about it all, and apparently that is
to much effot for this person, because being open and talking about
things is oh so hard she says. Cry me a freakin river.
Now I sit hear and say to myself, what kind of idiot can she be?
Assuming what she says is true (wait,, we are talking about someone who
has done nothing but manipulate and lie to me for the two months I have
known her) and she really does care, and really does want something to
work out, and really was to worried that I would judge her badly for all
that so she hid it, but now its to much effort to be honest and open?
Heres your get out of jail for free card, and you dont want to take
it?? And it all ends with, yes, I want to be honest and open, and I
dont want things to end, maybe we should go back to just
dating. Hmmm, kinda makes me feel like a used condom, I
mean, u can get three or four good screws out of it, but once its done,
its done, it doesnt get repackaged for later. Into the toilet and
flush and all gone till the next one.
So as many of you may be asking, the real question, why am I so dumb?
I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt, I keep making or accepting
the excuses she gives for the lies, and yet she is the one saying its
for my own good, shes doing it for me, and its to much effort
or work to fix things on her part.
So why am I still here? This has gotta to be the most shit I have ever
put up with from a person I think, maybe I just want to be believe whats
plainly not true, she really doesnt care about much, it was all a
game for her, and yes, she got it all, and then didnt want it
anymore. I can understand the chase, but keep it to the physical stuff,
if you want to chase my heart just to see if you can get it, I dont
think you can get much lower or more hurtful than that.
Well, I can leave happy, I certainly didnt do her any wrong, as much
as I should have and could have, at some point shes gonna realize,
compared to the assholes she has been with in the past, and probably
will be in the future, shes the one loosing out big time here, and
its gonna be awhile before she finds this again or someone that would
treat this way, to bad shes to stupid to see it, actually, to bad I am
to stupid to take this long to accept it.
i wonder what i did wrong in my past life that im so confused in everthing i do present. it kills me...i need a fucking plan...
how are you??
(of course, what do i know, really? you can read my blog to see my own dating melodrama.)