"I've spent the day circling the drain, of desperation and sadness. I moved out of a really crappy one bedroom place back to my parents place to save money and have the space, worst thing I could have done. My mother has problems with substance abuse and while the illegal drugs have stoped, the drinking hasn't and its gotten worse! She loves to tell me how worthless I am and she hates it when I cry, I have depression plus I have pregnancy hormones and I cry at anything. 'Its no wonder no one visits Kat, no one can stant her' 'its Kat's fault, she drives me to the drink' 'no wonder mum (my nan) went to bed early she spent the day with Kat, she can't stand her either'. My nan has no problem with me. How can I try to be a first time single mum with my own mother tearing me to pieces?!"

That was my facebook status a week or so ago, I've gotten a place with my nan, a 4 bedroom place in Cessnock again (where I lived, in the flat). I plan too get stable and stay for a while, I don't want to move around for a long time. I can attempt to expand my travel options though, with a place to go back too. I can move in next week or so, as long as I can find somone to help move. a nearly 70 year old and a 29 weeks pregnant lady does not make it easy.

I'm loosing the majority of my savings moving but with a stable base, I hope I can build it all up again.

Hello SG land

Just as was about to start typing this, I had to visit the bathroom for the millionth time today, they joys of being pregnant . I swear I've had just about every part of me checked by doctors sine I found out I was pregnant, good news is we're both healthy (think my mind may be a lost cause though :p). Had an optometrist appointment today, I have to wear my glasses full time now.

After about ten years with the same frames (really cheap ones) you'd think I'd go for something different but no they're practically the same! The arms are just a bit thicker, is the only difference! I got one normal and one pair tinted through the Specsavers deal. I tired one lots of pairs but I didn't like anything else, everything has a fashion and the really square and really thick ones just don't look good. Everyone I know is asking me did I atleast get them in a different colour? nope still the shiny black.

With my son comming and no job plus I won't be receiving child support, I'm more paranoid about my meger saving than ever I decided however to take the money from my savings figuring it will be easier in the long run, I can get used to them and one less thing to worry about as I'm nearly in my third trimester!

The only other issue I have is housing, trying to find a two bedroom place and I didn't get accepted for any of the properties I appiled for . Staying with my family untill I find a place which is just loaded with issues, like everything in my life.

Trying not ot let the emotions get to me and get through this pregnancy but damn it can be fucking hard! I will keep struggling, I love hearign from you guys, makes me happy hint, HINT .

Simply put, I lost my only friend, she ran off with my sons father. I'm all alone, I don't know how I can stay alive, how can I make it through pregnancy let alone raise a child? I don't want to be here and my son would be so much better off without me, he'll hate me from the start everyone else seems to

Hey

Not much to update, just that my money situation is so shit that I've had to move in with my mother and grandmother, this gives me space (a newborn does not bode well in a shitty one bedroom) but no more money! Also really don't like 'moving home' but I can't afford to put a roof over my son's head any other way.

Also I am completely a single mother, my son will never kniw his father, somehow nto only does this sadden and disapoint me but it Infuriates me. I am attempting to move one and just concentrate on pregnancy and waiting for my son to come. Its a bit hard when I stuck in fornt of the tv all day because pregnancy is kicking my ass.

Hey Everyone

I'm 20 weeks now and had an ultrasound yesterday, discovered that I'm having a perfectly healthly boy! The only man I'll ever need . He's started kicking now too

If only mum could find some love now huh? I seem to have no luck at that front, never have. Just that lonliness really hits home when you're about to become a single mother whose also a lesbian and doesn't have stacks of money! Just want some friendship, companionship, snuggles etc. I know that'll be even harder with a child (he'll always come first) but knowing what it feels like to have somone care about me would eb a great first in my life. Hell I'm in it for more friends too, I have some good ones on here they just tend to be so far away .

Thinking of making a facebook, I don't have much luck, most people are never on or my page little page gets passed over Just trying to help with the lonliness! Because sadly in my small town because I'm pregnant and alone alot of people assume, that I'm a whore even overheard the comment 'no wonder she couldn't keep a man' once in a waiting room.

Wish I could get a SG Ball, last year no money, this year I'll be having a child in July! just want to meet people that are open minded and friendly!

Hey

Anyone willing to snuggle (strictly cuddles) with a pregnant girl who's getting lonely at night? seriously would love it, this little one will not settle some nights and I'm only nearly 17 weeks!

hey SGer's

By the Gods my last blog was bleak wasn't it?! That's depression for you and unfortunetly from there things only got a whole lot worse for a while . I was hospitalised in early Janurary becouse of something I'd done during my very down period, (no lasting physical health concerns though).

While I was reciving standard tests in hospital, I discovered soemthing very surpirising, I was 12 weeks and 4 to 5 weeks PREGNANT! Considering I have a hormonal condition, Polycystic ovary syndrome
that makes it hard to have children and I was recoverign froma breakdown what a hell of a surprise!

Its funny in a way, I was in and out of doctor's offices getting blood tests and the like for my PCOS, getting blood tests mainly and no one noticed it! They said that PCOS can cause sickness, loss of periods and bloating so no way I could be pregnant right

I have decided to keep my baby and we're both healthy thankful my breakdowns and syndromes have cause no problems to bub, however PCOS can cause an unsettled pregnancy. Am now 15 weeks and still feeling like shit and very tired.

Have had to deal with being a single pregnant lesbian, yes people defentely still like the ladies, a friend, a thing, a baby (so simple yet so not!:surreal. Aside form that being broke, failing my uni courses and house hunting, need support lots of , mainly form my best friend.

Going to be the only goth mum in town, black lip gloss and combat boots to play group! I don't want to force my boy/girl to dress like mum but there is some cute (if expensive) baby bat clothign out there! probably mix a few in with average stuff (like the Adams Family in with the disney )!

so from me yes that is all today

I'm so sick of fightiing
I'm alone, I live alone, hell I don't even have anyone that I want to celebrate Christmas with. Well I do but they're out of town, my best and only friends are a couple. Which as much as I love them, I'm the permant third wheel.
I hug my pillow every night and probably end up crying into it, I'm freak, there must be something wrong with me. People either hate him or they're afraid of me, I live with a bunch of rednecks basically, stupid ignorant small town. I've never even seen anther goth in town.
I'm alone and I always will be, I'll never have what I want love, peace and safety.

Hey peoples

Not much has changed since I blogged last, except that I'm pinning for chocolate ice cream (figured out how to bribe me yet?) I did die my hair though twice once with Garnier's 100% 'intense red auburn' but it went brown and when I needed to re dye it I was sacered of it going brown again so I went 'hypnotic red' by schwarzkopf. Yay for being a red head again!!

I still want a girlfriend, still doubt ever getting one but we try as we live and all right?

Hey SGer's

I'm writng this after red wine and coffe flavoured ice cream (Streets Blue Ribbon, if you're in Australia) more ice cream than wine I promise. Although it is the only reason I'm pining for a woman.

I live in Cessnock (redneck, lesbains till boyfriend joins only) and if any true lesbian that's willing to date and want's a woman who will fight with them and for them, arms to sleep in and a warm bed to share (despite the black cat ) I'm your girl. I haven't had a date since I was sixteen and that was bad. I was more adult than the woman who was six years my senior, she picked up a durg habbit, I left.

I'm willing to try, I've spent my whole life fighting and I want to fight for a woman (with the oppertunity to lie next to her) I'm a goth complete with ten piercings and three tattoos but as a part of that I don't judge anyone.

I sound like I'm drunk but this subject is very hard for me, as you can see me track record is small, also anyone wanting somone in their heart is going to find it hard.....right?