i am strangely aware that i have created shit in the past few weeks yet feel completely self righteous anyway. i spent a third of the day pretending i was on a movie set and taht when i made dinner i was making it for my costars. this is the kind of shit i do. maybe other people don't do this. i think that i like to make up scenarios the same way i did when i was ten and i was pretending i was nancy drew.

i want to make a film, my film. i actually want to make 4.

i even have the treatment for a science fiction movie . it's AWESOME. but it's only in my brain and on two sheets of paper so i don't forget it.

i came up with it ten years ago.

i was so busy having crappy relationships and being self obsessed that i didn't make it.

"I'M DONE!"

and by saying i'm done i actually mean that i will be doing exactly the same thing for years to come.

i totally had sex by the way.

oh. shit.

seriously, if you think that i'm negelecting my friends here you have no idea how i'm falling short on the getting anything done point. there's something in the universe trying to stop me from doing any work. i have been in my bed for twelve days fevered and crazy and in so much bizarre pain that i feel like it's no wonder that the news shows horror stories of kids dying from this flu this year. at this point i'm left walking with the cough and the ear infection and the strangely painful tongue. i like to think i had rabies but made it through.

the quickest way for me to end up in bed with a man? say i'm only dating women.

it's a wild wacky world out there.

i need to write but it has nothing to do with "BLOGS"



so i'm working on writing letters too. i swear


and can i be frank? if you think you're a "nice guy" and no one will date you it is invariably because you're not attractive. girls will date "nice guys" if they are attracted to them. so as it always goes ugly? no nookie. to say it's because you're NICE and that NICE GUYS FINISH LAST shows a deep level of delusion. if a girl was into you she'd date you. period.
get the fuck over it.

in a continual onslaught of internet weirdness i got an email today from rockstar. fucking bizarre. seriously, i have no idea why i'm having bizarre men issues all of the sudden, but at least the rs and i have put the arrows in the ground.maybe because i apologized first.

totally having computer problems today, i can't message anyone. this is dorky. but maybe it's just telling me to take a break from my oh so successful internet communications. so , i'll get back to you i promise but i have to bring the computer in i think. damn.

*sound of head emptying itself onto canvas*

i feel dizzy. i hear it's going around.

these are the kind of days when i think i should absolutely not try to coexist with humans.

again, it's alll good and i'm not depressed but i am tremendously confused.i need to talk to someon in person about shit but it's late. i'm not making sense to anyone on here. figures. and i call myself a writer.
northcarolina checked in today like i need that. LOOK LOOK AT HOW I'M A SOCIAL FUCKHEAD!
whoo hoo

blog.myspace.com/nodelicateflower

listening to the broadcast of a local "poetry slam" which BIT. i just wish that i had heard of it before now, i totally would have gone. no that's not true i would have thought about going.

but seriously, i am full of myself these days, strangely supported by rejections, i feel unstoppable. i am doing so many things at the same time shit man i have to do taxes. it's hard to stop when things are going this well. you can try to stop me but you can't do it.

i do love the ggo.

too much to do and i keep sleeping. i hate sleep.


oh fuck i also got a really bad haircut/dye job. it'll grow out. i wish i knew a good hair styl;ist. but any chance of growing it out is GONE

mark , it's about mark. he pisses me off. it's fucking mark.

Won't you please let me go
These words lie inside they hurt me so
And I'm not the kind that likes to tell you
Just what I want to do
I'm not the kind that needs to tell you
Just what you want me to

I saw you this morning
I thought that you might like to know
I received your message in full a few days ago
I understood every word that it said
And now that I've actually heard it
You're going to regret

And I'm not the kind that likes to tell you
Just what you want me to
You're not the kind that needs to tell me
About the birds and the bees

Do you find this happens all the time
Crucial point one day becomes a crime
And I'm not the kind that likes to tell you
Just what I want to do
I'm not the kind that needs to tell you

I've lost you [x5]
I've lost you [x5]
I've lost you [x5]

-new order

packages in the mail can really turn you around.