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occupation: Armchair anarchist, ghost tweeter, smut peddler, dog lover, and human impersonator. Oh, and sometimes I write shit.

i lost my virginity: If I knew where it was, it wouldn't be lost.

Sunday

MARCH 31, 2013 @ 12:32 AM | 12 COMMENTS

Confession: I once had a dream about inadvertently having sex with the Easter Bunny...

[True story!]

In my dream this really hot guy I fancied was going down on me under the covers...

He was giving me the best oral I'd ever had in my entire life TO THIS DAY!!! And I totally came. In my dream. But fo' realz.

Anyway, after I came, he comes up from under the covers to give me a kiss...

And it's only then that I realize it wasn't the hot dude I thought I was in bed with...It was actually the Easter Bunny - big ears n'all!

So now I'm thinking: HOW DID THE EASTER BUNNY GET INTO MY BED???

1. He could have bribed his way in with chocolate...but this theory breaks down when you consider I had no idea until AFTER the fact that I was in bed with him.

Ergo, what more likely happened was...

2. The Easter Bunny roofied me at some bar, which explains why I had no recollection of meeting the Easter Bunny, going home with him, getting naked, and getting into bed with him. Figure the roofies must have worn off while he was working his magic down below.

So now I'm traumatized by Easter, because I was basically date-raped by the Easter Fucking Bunny, albeit in my dream. To be more specific, I'm traumatized by the fact that I actually enjoyed having sex with the Easter Bunny...until I realized it was him. As you can imagine, it's quite a head fuck because I SWEAR I'm not a furry [no offense to those that are].

I think maybe the Easter Bunny puts roofies in chocolate eggs. Eat them at your peril.

And Happy Fucking Easter!