So I realized what was wrong today.
WIth dating, I mean. I realized it when I talked to Tiffany and she told me that she had started out having feelings for me, but those feelings had turned to friendship. The same thing ive heard a hundred time came back, and it all clicked into place (more or less)
The thing is is that woman dont want to date me unless they have somethign to gain out of it. Now, I know that sounds weird, but let me explain..I give off a certain signal, like everyone does, and that attracts a certain person. I realized the four woman ive been intimate with in my life all, but one, had something to gain out of it, which had nothing to do with me. One was because she was in a marriage and wanted a little excitment (I was young, and no, i'm not proud of it) Another was purely a financial need. The third, my longest relationship, was to find a stable part of her otherwhise chaotic life, and to have someone who would come back, no matter how shitty she treated me. The fourth was just so many strange coincedes, but that was only a very short lived relationship. Now, looking at the woman ive wanted to date but who have not been interested in me (Tiffany being the last of these) I realized that a woman with a good head on her shoulders, who isn't financially hurting and who doesn't need that aspect will not find me attractive, because I DO NOT HAVE ANY TRAITS THAT A "NORMAL" WOMAN FINDS ATTRACTIVE.
I also realized that, contrary to waht they might say, woman really do love the asshole, the chauvinist, and yes, nice guys ABSOLUETELY finish last, all the time, no exceptions. SO what does taht mean? IT means that the only way for me to find someon is to change who I am at my core. To stop being so damn caring and respectful and all that. All the woman I know are dating guy's who's behavior to them is less than, well, honorable..they let them know exactly where they stand, and the woman love them for it, even though they dont treat them like an equal. Perhaps woman dont want to be treated like an equal..perhaps they like a guy to take charge. I mean, isn't Bond suppose to be the ultimate ladies man? It's funny, but it's starting to make sense, all of it.....all the mistakes, all the foul's up, all the broken hearts, and because of what? Because I wanted a woman to like me as much as I liked them..because I believed in some foolish fairytale romance which DOESN"T EXIST. No woman wants Prince Charming..woman want the bad boys, and will only pay attention to guys like me when they can gain something out of it.
So that's it. I'm no longer looking, and I no longer am interested in finding anyone. I'm not going to, until I change who I am, and I dont think I want to change who I am, because I actually kinda LIKE who I am, so why should I change my entire personality and mannerism around people just so some woman MIGHT find me attractive and want to date me? No thanks, I think i'd rather be alone. I'll have friends, but i'm not going to pursue relationships anymore, because I alwasy wind up just depressed and brokenhearted. Maybe this realization will set off a chain reaction that will change how I act around woman, and that will change my likelyhood of finding someone, but for now, I doubt it. My B-day will come and it will go, and it will be 1 year since Lacee, since sex, and I no longer care about that. I'll just sit back and let happen what happens, and hope that maybe i'll grow up and that perhaps someone, someday, might actually think i'm dating material.
All I know is this. I'm tired of being broken-hearted: and ive got no one to blame buy myself.
WIth dating, I mean. I realized it when I talked to Tiffany and she told me that she had started out having feelings for me, but those feelings had turned to friendship. The same thing ive heard a hundred time came back, and it all clicked into place (more or less)
The thing is is that woman dont want to date me unless they have somethign to gain out of it. Now, I know that sounds weird, but let me explain..I give off a certain signal, like everyone does, and that attracts a certain person. I realized the four woman ive been intimate with in my life all, but one, had something to gain out of it, which had nothing to do with me. One was because she was in a marriage and wanted a little excitment (I was young, and no, i'm not proud of it) Another was purely a financial need. The third, my longest relationship, was to find a stable part of her otherwhise chaotic life, and to have someone who would come back, no matter how shitty she treated me. The fourth was just so many strange coincedes, but that was only a very short lived relationship. Now, looking at the woman ive wanted to date but who have not been interested in me (Tiffany being the last of these) I realized that a woman with a good head on her shoulders, who isn't financially hurting and who doesn't need that aspect will not find me attractive, because I DO NOT HAVE ANY TRAITS THAT A "NORMAL" WOMAN FINDS ATTRACTIVE.
I also realized that, contrary to waht they might say, woman really do love the asshole, the chauvinist, and yes, nice guys ABSOLUETELY finish last, all the time, no exceptions. SO what does taht mean? IT means that the only way for me to find someon is to change who I am at my core. To stop being so damn caring and respectful and all that. All the woman I know are dating guy's who's behavior to them is less than, well, honorable..they let them know exactly where they stand, and the woman love them for it, even though they dont treat them like an equal. Perhaps woman dont want to be treated like an equal..perhaps they like a guy to take charge. I mean, isn't Bond suppose to be the ultimate ladies man? It's funny, but it's starting to make sense, all of it.....all the mistakes, all the foul's up, all the broken hearts, and because of what? Because I wanted a woman to like me as much as I liked them..because I believed in some foolish fairytale romance which DOESN"T EXIST. No woman wants Prince Charming..woman want the bad boys, and will only pay attention to guys like me when they can gain something out of it.
So that's it. I'm no longer looking, and I no longer am interested in finding anyone. I'm not going to, until I change who I am, and I dont think I want to change who I am, because I actually kinda LIKE who I am, so why should I change my entire personality and mannerism around people just so some woman MIGHT find me attractive and want to date me? No thanks, I think i'd rather be alone. I'll have friends, but i'm not going to pursue relationships anymore, because I alwasy wind up just depressed and brokenhearted. Maybe this realization will set off a chain reaction that will change how I act around woman, and that will change my likelyhood of finding someone, but for now, I doubt it. My B-day will come and it will go, and it will be 1 year since Lacee, since sex, and I no longer care about that. I'll just sit back and let happen what happens, and hope that maybe i'll grow up and that perhaps someone, someday, might actually think i'm dating material.
All I know is this. I'm tired of being broken-hearted: and ive got no one to blame buy myself.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
scattershot:
I look young four years younger than I am. Im short, and kind of fat. That is very detrimental. My face is usually red .. very detrimental. I have very little to offer .. very detrimental. Im a nice guy .. I'll always finish last. The only thing I have going for me is that Im interesting in an artistic expressive kind of way once you get to know me .. but girls never do want to get to know me. I just set up a friend of mine with a girl I kind of like.. what kind of fool am I.
veganvixen:
i'm glad if my coments helped at all. thanx for the heads up about the phone, ur probly right about it sucking. have a good weekend.