St. Louis generally has about two weeks between freezing, wet, wintry nonsense and blazing, humid summers, and those two weeks are the best bicycling weather ever. We're there right now, and having spent most of the day on two wheels terrorizing the city, I feel compelled to post some

BICYCLIST-INSPIRED ETIQUETTE

1. It is inappropriate to leer at gawk at holler at or in any other manner heckle ladies on bikes. WhatTheFuck is up with annoying ghetto ghanstas, hoosier construction dudes and middle aged white guys hollering at women who are walking or bicycling around town anyway? Okay, to be fair, I know what is up with it, but SERIOUSLY guys. I heard recently that we are in the POST FEMINIST era, which I think implies that it is no longer kosher to be sexually harrassing women on bicycles, alright?

And furthermore, does that tend to work for guys? Do they sit on their porch and holler 'Hey girl! Why don't you ride DIS?' all day until eventually some chick jumps off her bike and onto his dick?

2. Honking your car horn to get the attention of a cyclist is overkill and it's annoying. It's seventy degrees out for Christ's sake! If you know me, roll down your window and say Hi. Horns are to be used only to get the attention of other cars or if you think you're going to hit me and I don't see you.

3. Just because you're stuck in that dumb car and I'm enjoying the gorgeous weather and getting some exercise to boot does not mean you have to be so grumpy. Feel free to smile. Okay thanks.

4. Yelling "GET A CAR!" at a cyclist is so idiotic I'm almost too embarrassed for you to even post it here. Get a bike, you fat fuck. With the price of dead Iraqi babies, sorry I mean GASOLINE, at almost $4 a gallon, your suggestion is indicative of serious lunacy. Also, why would you assume someone on a bike has no car? Someone failed Logic class, eh? If bike, then no car??? Oops.

5. Finally, cyclists have the right to take a lane. For my own health...

St. Louis generally has about two weeks between freezing, wet, wintry nonsense and blazing, humid summers, and those two weeks are the best bicycling weather ever. We're there right now, and having spent most of the day on two wheels terrorizing the city, I feel compelled to post some

BICYCLIST-INSPIRED ETIQUETTE

1. It is inappropriate to leer at gawk at holler at or in any other manner heckle ladies on bikes. WhatTheFuck is up with annoying ghetto ghanstas, hoosier construction dudes and middle aged white guys hollering at women who are walking or bicycling around town anyway? Okay, to be fair, I know what is up with it, but SERIOUSLY guys. I heard recently that we are in the POST FEMINIST era, which I think implies that it is no longer kosher to be sexually harrassing women on bicycles, alright?

And furthermore, does that tend to work for guys? Do they sit on their porch and holler 'Hey girl! Why don't you ride DIS?' all day until eventually some chick jumps off her bike and onto his dick?

2. Honking your car horn to get the attention of a cyclist is overkill and it's annoying. It's seventy degrees out for Christ's sake! If you know me, roll down your window and say Hi. Horns are to be used only to get the attention of other cars or if you think you're going to hit me and I don't see you.

3. Just because you're stuck in that dumb car and I'm enjoying the gorgeous weather and getting some exercise to boot does not mean you have to be so grumpy. Feel free to smile. Okay thanks.

4. Yelling "GET A CAR!" at a cyclist is so idiotic I'm almost too embarrassed for you to even post it here. Get a bike, you fat fuck. With the price of dead Iraqi babies, sorry I mean GASOLINE, at almost $4 a gallon, your suggestion is indicative of serious lunacy. Also, why would you assume someone on a bike has no car? Someone failed Logic class, eh? If bike, then no car??? Oops.

5. Finally, cyclists have the right to take a lane. For my own health and well being (and given all the aforementioned information), I tend to ride on back streets, but in the event of a long string of parallel-parked cars, and the absence of a bike line, unfortunately for you, Cranky Car Driver, the cyclist has the right to take the lane to avoid the terrible fate of being doored by some out-to-lunch-driver-on-a-cell-phone, flying over her handlebars, and smashing her skull up real good. Thanks for your patience.

See you on the road. Be safe!