so i thought i would give somewhat of an update. lately, i have just been working and trying to stay afloat. so many bills and stupid shit to deal with. but last night, i had like a 2 hour long talk with my mom and she put a new perspective on things, mostly my marriage. i am nowhere near giving up and i wasn't before, but i have a game plan now and i really think that things are going to get better very soon.

i have been kinda depressed lately as well, because some of my close friends/family members are getting divorced. I dunno, once you are married and you hear about someone getting divorced, it makes you feel two things: i'm so happy that i am still married and/or i feel like i'm the only one who's staying married/how long will mine last? so, these feelings have been in my head for the past two weeks and still are, but they are subsiding now. luckily, i know that we are have a much stronger bond than both of those failed marriages. it's all about communication and although we aren't the best at communicating, we are trying. at the end of the day, we are there for each other no matter what. alright, enough of that serious talk.

i really want to go see some live music, but i don't think there's anybody worth seeing right now. i am also planning for my 26th birthday that's in october. i want it to be memorable.

this song pretty much sums up how i feel:

it's rock paper scissors as to whether
i will get over you at all
it's hand against hand and both hands are mine
it's standing in a circular line
which is not to say that i'm not also happy
a happy meal with a surprise inside
surprise surprise here's another bright light in your eyes
exposing all the stuff you're not calculating enough to hide

this melancholy that i carry makes me feel so grown up
at my kitchen table doing shots of resignation
i never thought i'd see the day when i would say i give up
and...

so i thought i would give somewhat of an update. lately, i have just been working and trying to stay afloat. so many bills and stupid shit to deal with. but last night, i had like a 2 hour long talk with my mom and she put a new perspective on things, mostly my marriage. i am nowhere near giving up and i wasn't before, but i have a game plan now and i really think that things are going to get better very soon.

i have been kinda depressed lately as well, because some of my close friends/family members are getting divorced. I dunno, once you are married and you hear about someone getting divorced, it makes you feel two things: i'm so happy that i am still married and/or i feel like i'm the only one who's staying married/how long will mine last? so, these feelings have been in my head for the past two weeks and still are, but they are subsiding now. luckily, i know that we are have a much stronger bond than both of those failed marriages. it's all about communication and although we aren't the best at communicating, we are trying. at the end of the day, we are there for each other no matter what. alright, enough of that serious talk.

i really want to go see some live music, but i don't think there's anybody worth seeing right now. i am also planning for my 26th birthday that's in october. i want it to be memorable.

this song pretty much sums up how i feel:

it's rock paper scissors as to whether
i will get over you at all
it's hand against hand and both hands are mine
it's standing in a circular line
which is not to say that i'm not also happy
a happy meal with a surprise inside
surprise surprise here's another bright light in your eyes
exposing all the stuff you're not calculating enough to hide

this melancholy that i carry makes me feel so grown up
at my kitchen table doing shots of resignation
i never thought i'd see the day when i would say i give up
and break the stallions of my wildest expectations

i do not want to know you this way
surrounded by so much pain
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way
like a bird into the sky of my brain?

i think i could accept all these dark colors
as just part of some bigger color scheme
if it wasn't for that drippy string quartet of sadness
underscoring each smiling scene
desire drags me right out of myself
a gas-soaked rope tied to a piece of coal
and i'm getting pretty good at looking at the bright side
while the flames rip along the sand and swallow me whole

-rock paper scissors, Ani Difranco