so i thought i would give somewhat of an update. lately, i have just been working and trying to stay afloat. so many bills and stupid shit to deal with. but last night, i had like a 2 hour long talk with my mom and she put a new perspective on things, mostly my marriage. i am nowhere near giving up and i wasn't before, but i have a game plan now and i really think that things are going to get better very soon.
i have been kinda depressed lately as well, because some of my close friends/family members are getting divorced. I dunno, once you are married and you hear about someone getting divorced, it makes you feel two things: i'm so happy that i am still married and/or i feel like i'm the only one who's staying married/how long will mine last? so, these feelings have been in my head for the past two weeks and still are, but they are subsiding now. luckily, i know that we are have a much stronger bond than both of those failed marriages. it's all about communication and although we aren't the best at communicating, we are trying. at the end of the day, we are there for each other no matter what. alright, enough of that serious talk.
i really want to go see some live music, but i don't think there's anybody worth seeing right now. i am also planning for my 26th birthday that's in october. i want it to be memorable.
this song pretty much sums up how i feel:
it's rock paper scissors as to whether
i will get over you at all
it's hand against hand and both hands are mine
it's standing in a circular line
which is not to say that i'm not also happy
a happy meal with a surprise inside
surprise surprise here's another bright light in your eyes
exposing all the stuff you're not calculating enough to hide
this melancholy that i carry makes me feel so grown up
at my kitchen table doing shots of resignation
i never thought i'd see the day when i would say i give up
and break the stallions of my wildest expectations
i do not want to know you this way
surrounded by so much pain
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way
like a bird into the sky of my brain?
i think i could accept all these dark colors
as just part of some bigger color scheme
if it wasn't for that drippy string quartet of sadness
underscoring each smiling scene
desire drags me right out of myself
a gas-soaked rope tied to a piece of coal
and i'm getting pretty good at looking at the bright side
while the flames rip along the sand and swallow me whole
-rock paper scissors, Ani Difranco
i have been kinda depressed lately as well, because some of my close friends/family members are getting divorced. I dunno, once you are married and you hear about someone getting divorced, it makes you feel two things: i'm so happy that i am still married and/or i feel like i'm the only one who's staying married/how long will mine last? so, these feelings have been in my head for the past two weeks and still are, but they are subsiding now. luckily, i know that we are have a much stronger bond than both of those failed marriages. it's all about communication and although we aren't the best at communicating, we are trying. at the end of the day, we are there for each other no matter what. alright, enough of that serious talk.
i really want to go see some live music, but i don't think there's anybody worth seeing right now. i am also planning for my 26th birthday that's in october. i want it to be memorable.
this song pretty much sums up how i feel:
it's rock paper scissors as to whether
i will get over you at all
it's hand against hand and both hands are mine
it's standing in a circular line
which is not to say that i'm not also happy
a happy meal with a surprise inside
surprise surprise here's another bright light in your eyes
exposing all the stuff you're not calculating enough to hide
this melancholy that i carry makes me feel so grown up
at my kitchen table doing shots of resignation
i never thought i'd see the day when i would say i give up
and break the stallions of my wildest expectations
i do not want to know you this way
surrounded by so much pain
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way
like a bird into the sky of my brain?
i think i could accept all these dark colors
as just part of some bigger color scheme
if it wasn't for that drippy string quartet of sadness
underscoring each smiling scene
desire drags me right out of myself
a gas-soaked rope tied to a piece of coal
and i'm getting pretty good at looking at the bright side
while the flames rip along the sand and swallow me whole
-rock paper scissors, Ani Difranco
Sometimes is never quite enough
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect
Perfect by Alanis Morissette.
i used to listen to that song constantly. makes me realize how depressed how used to be, but on the other hand, it makes me happy that i'm not anymore. i mean, sure i have my bad days, but it has been about a year since i have been on any anti depressants or mood stabilizers. sometimes, i would like to have them to fall back on, but without insurance, it's not really an option right now. anyways, i'm proud of myself for staying strong and learning to open up to my husband. i have come so far.
in other news, i dyed my hair blue black. i was tired of the red. everyone at work seemed to like it.
alright, well i'm out for now.
If you're flawless, then you'll win my love
Don't forget to win first place
Don't forget to keep that smile on your face
Be a good boy
Try a little harder
You've got to measure up
And make me prouder
How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet
Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud
I'll live through you
I'll make you what I never was
If you're the best, then maybe so am I
Compared to him compared to her
I'm doing this for your own damn good
You'll make up for what I blew
What's the problem...why are you crying
Be a good boy
Push a little farther now
That wasn't fast enough
To make us happy
We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect
Perfect by Alanis Morissette.
i used to listen to that song constantly. makes me realize how depressed how used to be, but on the other hand, it makes me happy that i'm not anymore. i mean, sure i have my bad days, but it has been about a year since i have been on any anti depressants or mood stabilizers. sometimes, i would like to have them to fall back on, but without insurance, it's not really an option right now. anyways, i'm proud of myself for staying strong and learning to open up to my husband. i have come so far.
in other news, i dyed my hair blue black. i was tired of the red. everyone at work seemed to like it.
alright, well i'm out for now.
so, i am so ready for wed. i will have worked for eight days straight! i don't know what i am going to do on my day off, but it will definitely involve relaxing. i have been listening to eagles of death metal lately and i thought this interview was hilarious. check it out....
and this video makes me want to dance!
and this video makes me want to dance!
meet momo, our new guinea pig. she is adorable. we are anticipating two more furry friends, i think. i'm so excited to have pets again! anyways...here's a photo of her, but she's pretty much a dark fur ball, so she photographs poorly.
btw...momo is short for modesty.
btw...momo is short for modesty.
so, the new terminator movie is fucking amazing. and christian bale is so hot. but i already knew that. haha. oh, and i'm totally giving the headband another chance. well, gold headbands that is.
some crazy fucker carved a sculpture out of butter
and propped it up in the middle of the bonanza breakfast bar
and i am stuffing toast and sausage into my pockets
under a sign that says GRAND OPENING
while my dog is waiting in the car
i wake up, check out
i fill the tank and wash the windshield clean
then i'm back out on the highway
and BANG that's when i remember my dream:
we were standing in a garden
and i had a machine that made silence
it just sucked up the whole opinionated din
and then there were no people on payroll
and then there were no monkeys on our backs
and i said, show me what you look like
without skin
science chases money
and money chases tail
and the best minds of my generation
can't make bail
but the bacteria are coming to take us down
that's my prediction
it's the answer to this culture
of the quick fix prescription
but in the garden of simple
where all of us are nameless
you were never anything but beautiful to me
and, you know, they never really owned you
you just carried them around
and then one day you put 'em down
and found your hands were free
so now it's early in the morning
at the longitude of memphis
and the sun is setting sweetly on hong kong
and the big plan is just to keep spinning
cuz the big bang is only just beginning
and sometimes it's all that we can do just to hang on
and what i mean to say is xxoo which means i'm thinking of ya
which means i've been thinking of you
all along
-garden of simple by ani difranco
and propped it up in the middle of the bonanza breakfast bar
and i am stuffing toast and sausage into my pockets
under a sign that says GRAND OPENING
while my dog is waiting in the car
i wake up, check out
i fill the tank and wash the windshield clean
then i'm back out on the highway
and BANG that's when i remember my dream:
we were standing in a garden
and i had a machine that made silence
it just sucked up the whole opinionated din
and then there were no people on payroll
and then there were no monkeys on our backs
and i said, show me what you look like
without skin
science chases money
and money chases tail
and the best minds of my generation
can't make bail
but the bacteria are coming to take us down
that's my prediction
it's the answer to this culture
of the quick fix prescription
but in the garden of simple
where all of us are nameless
you were never anything but beautiful to me
and, you know, they never really owned you
you just carried them around
and then one day you put 'em down
and found your hands were free
so now it's early in the morning
at the longitude of memphis
and the sun is setting sweetly on hong kong
and the big plan is just to keep spinning
cuz the big bang is only just beginning
and sometimes it's all that we can do just to hang on
and what i mean to say is xxoo which means i'm thinking of ya
which means i've been thinking of you
all along
-garden of simple by ani difranco
so, i'm in love with this video. love neko case!
also, my new fav show is the mighty boosh! why am i so surprised that i'm attracted to noel fielding?(the star with the adorable british accent, crooked teeth and fabulous wardrobe & apparently he's dating or has dated the also fabulous courtney love).
