It is natural for man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts... For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth, to know the worst, and to provide for it. - Patrick Henry
Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne
I am starting to see severe short comings to burning the candle at both ends, hell this not so much lighting it at both ends but putting it in the damn microwave but crap analogies aside I am tired!
The life of a single male is rather stressful i am starting to find, theres so many balls to keep in the air that its just impossible to be positively charged and hit everything with the same fire and gusto, as it is I am in danger of slipping into meh-dom. Ha.
So what are the areas of my life that I am unsatisfied with right now? My return to being the highly social animal that I was once upon time does not exactly sit easy with me, I get into it for a while but then my mind will inevitably drift and I will be wondering if there is "something else" I am missing. A month or so ago I was so fulfilled with what was on the table and what was on the cards, the idea of having to do this again would of been my worse nightmare, one month and a destructive breakup later and I am back to square one and trying to make the best out of a bad situation. My ex was a amazing lady in her ways, its a shame we will never speak or see each other again, and despite all the fucked up shit we said to each other I wish her no ill, I actually miss her a bit, maybe thats just the cold turkey talking, haha, either way it does not matter because its over and I am well down the road of having moved on.....
Anyway, all that might seem rather irrelavent, but basically you know how it is, your in a couple, you disappear into that coupley world for a bit and then when its done you come back into the daylight with your eyes stinging and wanting to socialize because god knows your own company will drive you mad in that first month after, haha. So the consequences of that is much candle burning, and so thats why I am tired!
I have piled alot on my plate to fill that void and I have to say my eyes are bigger than my belly, late nights under the influence followed by early mornings getting up to run miles or push loads of weight before work are not a good idea, I might burnout if I carry on like this, so basically, Im not going to carry on like this!
I am thinking about what is important to me right now, keeping fit and working is important to me and it makes me feel good, so I need to do that, I need to socialize and be with my friends because I like to laugh and interract with people Im close to and I like meeting random people too, so I need to do that too, I like my job and it pays my bills, so that I need aswell, I need to be creative and get the buzz of being onstage so I definetly need to throw myself into forming the new band that is on the horizon with 3 of my friends.
So I need to balance all those things and take away the stuff I do not need that will hamper me in being happy, spending too much cash and time in the company of alcohol is just going to derail me and throw me off track (it already has started too), so I am nipping that in the bud. I am blessed with the fact that I can invariably go out sober and still have a good time and people like who I am so I dont need to "water" it down, so that is my first thing I am going to address. Plus it effects my disicpline for exercise and sleeping well, sad times!
I have been asking myself lately "who am I?" and thinking about what it is going to take to find that out and really define that like carving a sculpture out of marble. I know what that is now. Once I wrote a song about passions and how they drive you and are like your internal engine and fuel for life, so to emerse myself in my passions and listen to and feel what is going on around me is going to supercharge my life and make every day special. I can draw great strength from that, I did once before and I will again now but this time I wont lose focus on that and I wont let myself get distracted or diluted. I have lived too much of my life at half speed and following the wrong path, I am not going to do that anymore. I need to get the right combination of higher thought and brain steam impulse and just go with the flow, go from the gut, be supple. And ultimately be a bit selfish.
Its a good day for a Satori and I just grabbed it with both hands.
Joe.
x
Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne
I am starting to see severe short comings to burning the candle at both ends, hell this not so much lighting it at both ends but putting it in the damn microwave but crap analogies aside I am tired!
The life of a single male is rather stressful i am starting to find, theres so many balls to keep in the air that its just impossible to be positively charged and hit everything with the same fire and gusto, as it is I am in danger of slipping into meh-dom. Ha.
So what are the areas of my life that I am unsatisfied with right now? My return to being the highly social animal that I was once upon time does not exactly sit easy with me, I get into it for a while but then my mind will inevitably drift and I will be wondering if there is "something else" I am missing. A month or so ago I was so fulfilled with what was on the table and what was on the cards, the idea of having to do this again would of been my worse nightmare, one month and a destructive breakup later and I am back to square one and trying to make the best out of a bad situation. My ex was a amazing lady in her ways, its a shame we will never speak or see each other again, and despite all the fucked up shit we said to each other I wish her no ill, I actually miss her a bit, maybe thats just the cold turkey talking, haha, either way it does not matter because its over and I am well down the road of having moved on.....
Anyway, all that might seem rather irrelavent, but basically you know how it is, your in a couple, you disappear into that coupley world for a bit and then when its done you come back into the daylight with your eyes stinging and wanting to socialize because god knows your own company will drive you mad in that first month after, haha. So the consequences of that is much candle burning, and so thats why I am tired!
I have piled alot on my plate to fill that void and I have to say my eyes are bigger than my belly, late nights under the influence followed by early mornings getting up to run miles or push loads of weight before work are not a good idea, I might burnout if I carry on like this, so basically, Im not going to carry on like this!
I am thinking about what is important to me right now, keeping fit and working is important to me and it makes me feel good, so I need to do that, I need to socialize and be with my friends because I like to laugh and interract with people Im close to and I like meeting random people too, so I need to do that too, I like my job and it pays my bills, so that I need aswell, I need to be creative and get the buzz of being onstage so I definetly need to throw myself into forming the new band that is on the horizon with 3 of my friends.
So I need to balance all those things and take away the stuff I do not need that will hamper me in being happy, spending too much cash and time in the company of alcohol is just going to derail me and throw me off track (it already has started too), so I am nipping that in the bud. I am blessed with the fact that I can invariably go out sober and still have a good time and people like who I am so I dont need to "water" it down, so that is my first thing I am going to address. Plus it effects my disicpline for exercise and sleeping well, sad times!
I have been asking myself lately "who am I?" and thinking about what it is going to take to find that out and really define that like carving a sculpture out of marble. I know what that is now. Once I wrote a song about passions and how they drive you and are like your internal engine and fuel for life, so to emerse myself in my passions and listen to and feel what is going on around me is going to supercharge my life and make every day special. I can draw great strength from that, I did once before and I will again now but this time I wont lose focus on that and I wont let myself get distracted or diluted. I have lived too much of my life at half speed and following the wrong path, I am not going to do that anymore. I need to get the right combination of higher thought and brain steam impulse and just go with the flow, go from the gut, be supple. And ultimately be a bit selfish.
Its a good day for a Satori and I just grabbed it with both hands.
Joe.
x