hah

what a change that turned out to be. (see my last blog post from August)

It's January now, and here I've been without a job since November 19th.

Holy fuck, was I ever foolish in my last post, and how I wish I could alter time.

I got fired because, among some other bs, i told HR about my boss calling me at 3am, drunk, asking to suck my dick. (Disclaimer, i'm not gay). After that, my boss stopped talking to me, and eventually he broke one of our servers. Of course, i get blamed and out the door i went.

So, finding work in IT down here in Niagara isn't exactly easy. Fuck sakes, i was a hero in Toronto, down here i'm a fucking looser all over again. It feels like high school.

But no one's going to read this to care, so i'll just whine some more.

I never am like this. I've always been the guy that thigns just worked out for. I had a rough time in high school, but i was true to myself and got through it. I stayed true to myself until David, my brother, killed himself in 2002. Then, i lost who I was, and i've been struggling to find that person since.

It's Fyre. The Fyre that's within me. Fyre is the name of my other 'ego', my pagan self, and the name i use when i'm addressing the inner most part of my being. Emilie only wanted to help me bring that back, and i pushed her away.
I pushed her away for a fucking job that fired me in 2 months for not being gay. Fuck.

I've been a mess ever since, pretty much. i'm trying to be productive to find work, but it's alot of sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. No one want's to see you in person anymore, it's always 'fill out an application online'. Tho i should expect no less in IT, it makes it hard to sell myself with my people skills without meeting these people.

so yah, basically boils down to moving back to niagara being one of the biggest mistakes in my life.
Picking up pieces again. I've been successfull for 2 years now, and here i am being a failure again. Did I mention it feels like...

hah

what a change that turned out to be. (see my last blog post from August)

It's January now, and here I've been without a job since November 19th.

Holy fuck, was I ever foolish in my last post, and how I wish I could alter time.

I got fired because, among some other bs, i told HR about my boss calling me at 3am, drunk, asking to suck my dick. (Disclaimer, i'm not gay). After that, my boss stopped talking to me, and eventually he broke one of our servers. Of course, i get blamed and out the door i went.

So, finding work in IT down here in Niagara isn't exactly easy. Fuck sakes, i was a hero in Toronto, down here i'm a fucking looser all over again. It feels like high school.

But no one's going to read this to care, so i'll just whine some more.

I never am like this. I've always been the guy that thigns just worked out for. I had a rough time in high school, but i was true to myself and got through it. I stayed true to myself until David, my brother, killed himself in 2002. Then, i lost who I was, and i've been struggling to find that person since.

It's Fyre. The Fyre that's within me. Fyre is the name of my other 'ego', my pagan self, and the name i use when i'm addressing the inner most part of my being. Emilie only wanted to help me bring that back, and i pushed her away.
I pushed her away for a fucking job that fired me in 2 months for not being gay. Fuck.

I've been a mess ever since, pretty much. i'm trying to be productive to find work, but it's alot of sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. No one want's to see you in person anymore, it's always 'fill out an application online'. Tho i should expect no less in IT, it makes it hard to sell myself with my people skills without meeting these people.

so yah, basically boils down to moving back to niagara being one of the biggest mistakes in my life.
Picking up pieces again. I've been successfull for 2 years now, and here i am being a failure again. Did I mention it feels like high school?
It's like the people in this region assume to already know me, and i'm written off, excluded, ignored and marginalized.

Fuck, i may not be as 'successful' as I was in October or September, but i'm still funny, smart, witty, and totally not a jerk. Why am I ignored and pushed away by friends of all sexes?

I miss Emilie so much, it kills me. I see her whenever i close my eyes at night. It's been better lately, but it's still rough. I want to open up and love someone again, but i am always ignored.

fuck, i need to get out. lol!

I'm just so sad all the time. I don't know how to make it better anymore.