this your journal, write about whatever you want. and if you need to write about this more, by all means keep writing!!! it can help. sometimes. i dunno. i really hope you feel better though. *lots of hugs* it'll get better.

Wish I could help or give sage advice. I hope your days treat you better.

I would rather hear this than not hear from you. People care. The trick I think is not to look back to keep going towards the light without stopping to look at just keep going. But I may be wrong as hell so...

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...
And...

...always look on the bright side
of life...
(Whistle)

Always look on the light side
of life...
(Whistle)

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle
- that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright
side of life...
(Whistle)

Come on.

Always look on the right side
of life...
(Whistle)

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain
with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the
audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance
anyhow.

So always look on the bright side
of death...
(Whistle)

a-Just before you draw your terminal breath...
(Whistle)

Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true
You'll see its all a show, people laughin as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you

And...
Always look on the bright side
of life...
(Whistle)

Always look on the right side
of life...

C'mon Brian, cheer up

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Always look on the bright side
of life...

Worse things happen at sea you know.

I mean - what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing.

Always look on the right side
(I mean) of life...

what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing
- you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost?

Always (Nothing.) look on the right side of life...

Nothing will come from nothing ya know what they say?
Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin!
There ya go, see!

Always look on the right side of life...
(Cheer up ya old bugga c'mon give us a grin! At same time)

There ya go, see!

You do have people who care about you. You have my number and you know you can call me anytime, day or night. You are loved and you are cared about.

Promise me you'll talk to someone. Talk to people here, you're among friends, but talk to someone professionally too. Promise, ok?

Wow. I just stumbled on this and for me it seems so . . . I don't know . . . relevant somehow. I usually don't "comment" but I think this is worth a note:

Look . . . fuck all these hugs and Monty Python quotes. I felt like you do for 10+ years. Self medicated, blew a marriage, dead end job, suicidal. If you feel like this all the time, and I assume you do as "I honestly suck" and "There is no good in me" are pretty strong sentiments, your problem might be chemical. I went to see a shrink about finally starting Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (Lexapro is my personal favorite). They really changed my whole fucking life. Might not be the right thing for you as maybe your problems aren't chemical, but its worth a shot. For me, it is much better than wallowing in self loathing, anxiety and depression. Probably would be for you too.

Re: Your reply to my comment.

I'm glad you seem to have things under control with all of that. Sorry if I jumped the gun on the meds thing. Jeez, looking back on that comment I sound like a pharmaceutical rep.

Thanks for the warm welcome And you're right, my wife is incredibly awesome. I just read your journal, and from what she's said about you, I have to say you've been misinformed about yourself. She's had nothing but good things to say, so I can only assume you kick ass. I know it sounds cheesy, but things tend to get better over time. Granted, for me they usually come back down again, but then they get better again.
Stupid indecisive universe!

I care and you make me happy

hahahahahah.... well fuck dear, no offense to all the happy sentiments above, but i have never seen any good in me and i think that is the only bloody thing that keeps me going. you suck? there is a young woman who will spend the rest of her life in a psych ward because of what i took away from her... and i did it for no better reason then that she insulted my belief systems and exhorted hers.... now she has no faith, no beliefs, and as far as she is concerned, no reason to live...

she was weak.

thats what it really comes down to. what i did was awful (emotional and mental damage always is), but she was the one who could not find away to rise above it. people who give in to others, people who kill themselves, people who just give up do so because they can't see how completely unnescesary they are... and how little that matters.

we are all insignificant. we are all infinetesmal. the universe does not notice us and the gods choose to fuck with us when they deign to take notice... and none of it really matters because the whole point of existence is to just get the joke.

and its priceless when you do.

everyone goes through a shitty period. some of us overcompensate. some of us just accept the world. some of us even die. but you can always choose any fucking thing you want.

so why choose to be miserable.

the entire purpose of the universe, as far as we should be concerned, is to entertain us. go out and be entertained... the universe will never let you down if you can just see it that way....

and if not, well i hope your next incarnation learns something from this one and your next spin round the kharmic cycle is better for you...

don't say 'no one really cares'. it's entirely not true.

i know it's hard to like one's life. i used to go through that a lot. but then somehow, one day, i sat down and thought about the good things that a i did have. and while they were vastly outnumbered by the bad, i did have some good things about me and in my life, and that helped. so i started to focus on them, and then things got a bit better. and i was less miserable. and now, things are pretty good. sure, there are days when it's all pure shit, but you have to take it one day at a time, and hope that the next day is better. usually it is.

*hugs* from a stranger.