it is so fucking amazing how when you think that you have actual friends, people that you think you can count on and it turns out that you cant count on anyone in this world. no one but your self. and when you think that things are looking up. shit hits the fan. ive been having dreams about death lately mainly my death. and i started to think if i do die would anyone know. would anyone care. and would anyone go. is there anyone i can count on anyone i can talk to. my soul is missing something and what that is i don't know. i cant help but wonder will i ever be happy. am i destined to be alone. destined to judge by others that think they are better than me. i just try to block it out. i try not to cut but when shit comes crashing down. i have to cut. if only to feel something. that pain is the only thing i know is real and will always comeback.
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