age: 31 (Jun 14, 1981)
MEMBER SINCE: July 2004
occupation: Slave to passion, and a servant to fashion
i lost my virginity: At 15. Not pretty.
sign: Lane ends, merge left.
crush: Hipster Grandpa
into: Nothing and everything. You only live once.
heroes: Heroes always let you down in the end.
makes me happy: Big cities, tall buildings, neon lights, getting lost in the alley ways of a city that never sleeps, the subway at midnight, dancing, dark smoky clubs, quality alcohol. Warm limbs tangled with mine as the first rays of sunrise peek through the blinds.
most humbling moment: When I learned that my younger sister had died.
fantasy: working on making it real
gets me hot: Riding my bike makes me hot... wait that isn't what you meant.
makes me sad: Knowing that no matter how hard I try and how long I wait all my effort is for naught.
Lately I've been drinking a lot more again- I'm still being good about not drinking at home, and not drinking by myself, but I've been going out and partying too much, and I haven't been to the gym in a week and my brain chemistry is suffering. Last week was stressful because of the job interviews and my current job was going through some changes which have since balanced out again. Now is the time to recommit to my health, to cut back on my drinking again. I going to stay sober for at least a couple weeks, and then slowly return to one to two nights of social drinking a week. The eating out needs to stop. I haven't gained any weight back, but I haven't lost any weight either. If I lay off the booze again it should break my plateau and then I'll feel like I'm on track once again.
I don't think I'm going to get the job I interviewed for and that's fine because I don't think I'm ready yet to make such a huge change when I'm still settling in the changes I've already made. I'm trying to build good healthy habits for the first time in my life and once those are more stabilized I'll be in a better position to make further changes. When I stop changing and growing I stop being alive, and that was the biggest problem towards the end of my marriage- I had stopped changing and growing. I had stagnated, and I absolutely cannot let that happen again.
Also, I have met a truly awesome man. I *think* things are going well, and I must be careful to keep my previous issues managed so that I continue to the be person...


















Vanessa