I am finally getting on with moving out of my grandparents. They depend way too much on me. I can't take all of my grandmother's mind games. I know she's old but I don't know how she made it this far in life being the way she is. I would think someone would have put her in her place by now. I just can't take it anymore. This place makes me more stressed then if I was living in a box somewhere. I'd rather be struggling paycheck to paycheck than here being bothered by her and all her melodrama. Other than all of that, I've been pretty happy lately. Glad to be on my own soon.

I just want my old life back. I feel so restless right now. Like things are progressing into good again but its moving soooo slowly. And to top it all off, I feel fat and ugly lately. And no I don't have pictures of the new fat and ugly self either to prove it but take my word.

i broke up with my bf. i have no desire to ever date again.

my job is making me miserable. its way too much drama. its just way too much. i think i'm looking for something else.

I am urging everyone to get a skin cancer screening. please please please. Skin cancer is the most often found the easiest to get rid of. Esp. if you find it early!!!!

Yep. Today is mother's day. I miss her. I haven't heard from her in almost two months. I want to call her but I'm scared. I know I should be mad at her, but I'm not really. I just pretend like I am bc I know I should be. But in reality the anger faded a long time ago and now I wish we could both move on. Too bad my credit will stay the same for the next seven years. I can't be angry that long and I don't want to be. She may have messed my life up real bad but it could be worse and I still love her and there's no way I can let this change that. Too bad I can't say that to her. I bet she's using though. Thats probly why she hasn't called me lately. Idk anymore. Too bad neither of us will let go of our pride and pick up the phone.

so i got a new video card and the clicking is gone. thanks to everyone who helped me figure it out!

so can anyone tell me why the lymph node under my jaw on the right has been swollen since january. its not huge but its def inflammed. could it have anything to do with the fact that i have two cavities in my lower molars on that side? idk. if anyone knows please tell me bc its driving me crazy.

other than that. my hospital bill got paid in full by a charitable organization at that hospital. yay
and i got my rebate from g.w.

oh happy day!

the clicking noise is even worse today. but i don't think its from my harddrive. its def coming from the video card. should i replace the fan or the whole thing? and how would i go about that? its an EVGA 256MB DDR2 video card with DVI output for digital signal. thats what the guy who built this piece told me. where do i go from there?

can someone tell me why my computer all of a sudden is making these weird ass clicking noises? its not my fans. they're running smoothly and it only does it sometimes? it my harddrive failing? please no. i can't afford to have this happen? does anyone have any insight?!

i feel like I can't make anything better. I keep trying but I'm still trapped. I feel like I live in a cage. I just want my own place, a car. I want my family to leave me alone. They think they're so much better than everyone else and they aren't. They just keep telling themselves that so that they don't have to face the reality that they all suck. I just want to run away. But I can't bc I already did and now I have nowhere to run to. I'm stuck and I hate it. This change is suffocating me. Things get better and worse at the same time. No matter how hard I try, I get no closer to freedom. My anxiety keeps taking it all away from me. I keep thinking I'm dying and running to the doctor to find out I'm fine, just to pay another bill. My god what is wrong with me.