Woot, October! Halloween avatar time!
I'm so stoked for this month, so many fun things to look forward to. I realized a week or so ago that I have never in my life carved a pumpkin, that's numero uno on my to do list. Let's hope I come out with all ten digits still intact.
But what I'm most looking forward to this month -
Getting together with a few friends and heading up to Asbury Park for the New Jersey Zombie Walk. Dressing up all zombie-like = yet another thing on my Halloweeny bucket list. Should be a blast, and here's hoping we can help them achieve their goal of breaking the Guinness Book record for largest zombie gathering ever.
I'm so stoked for this month, so many fun things to look forward to. I realized a week or so ago that I have never in my life carved a pumpkin, that's numero uno on my to do list. Let's hope I come out with all ten digits still intact.
But what I'm most looking forward to this month -
Getting together with a few friends and heading up to Asbury Park for the New Jersey Zombie Walk. Dressing up all zombie-like = yet another thing on my Halloweeny bucket list. Should be a blast, and here's hoping we can help them achieve their goal of breaking the Guinness Book record for largest zombie gathering ever.
It's time to play catch up...I've pretty much abandoned this site, my profile, & my blog for quite some time.
Call it getting a life, I guess.
I'm pretty damned happy, have an amazing boyfriend who I'm madly in love with, a decent job that has helped me grow in leaps & bounds, dropped a small human's worth of girth, and have a whole new lease on life in general.
It's weird trying to get re-acquainted (yet again)...I'm such a different Lindsay than I was...SG used to be my hangout spot, my safe haven, my exit from depression. This community, and the people I became close with through it were almost what kept me going for a long time because I shut out real life, and though both still have a very special place in my heart...I prefer living in the real world, now. Weird, huh?
A few of you I've kept in touch with on Facebook, but there's alot of you I miss and haven't spoken to in herds. So if you're still out there, sound off, friends. Consider this the start of me trying not to be so much of a stranger. <3
Call it getting a life, I guess.
I'm pretty damned happy, have an amazing boyfriend who I'm madly in love with, a decent job that has helped me grow in leaps & bounds, dropped a small human's worth of girth, and have a whole new lease on life in general.
It's weird trying to get re-acquainted (yet again)...I'm such a different Lindsay than I was...SG used to be my hangout spot, my safe haven, my exit from depression. This community, and the people I became close with through it were almost what kept me going for a long time because I shut out real life, and though both still have a very special place in my heart...I prefer living in the real world, now. Weird, huh?
A few of you I've kept in touch with on Facebook, but there's alot of you I miss and haven't spoken to in herds. So if you're still out there, sound off, friends. Consider this the start of me trying not to be so much of a stranger. <3
Yeah so I'm back.
Proper update to follow. Gotta get myself re-acquainted with the site, it's been a hot minute.
Proper update to follow. Gotta get myself re-acquainted with the site, it's been a hot minute.
Ok, so it's no longer 2008 and I'm tired of looking at my old blog.
I don't have much going on. Just been working on myself alot, get stuck in my own head way more than I'd like. I'm fairly certain it's time to see about getting me some therapy and some new meds, because this has to stop. Alot of the conflict in my brain over the last year has been due to the whole getting over my past relationship of 8 years and learning how to begin my life anew. I thought I had it all figured out and I thought I was fine with it, but it's become blatantly obvious I still have a long way to go. I've cut all ties with him, now, as we were trying to do the friend thing but that didn't work out so well. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because when you've had someone in your life for THAT long, you kinda don't know how to behave without having them there. But it was for the best.
Main goal, atm, is to find a better paying and/or second job. Got myself a gig as a barista in a bookstore. It's ok, but the pay rate is way too low for me to survive on. And I swear breathing in all that caffeine is giving me insomnia, cause I can't fucking sleep to save my life.
Next step is finding a new place to live, as the family home is going to be no more as of April. That was another hard pill to swallow, but we just can't afford it. I really wanted this for my mother, I wanted her to finally have a home of her own, and that was originally the point in moving here. Such is life, though.
I have a long road ahead of me, and I keep trying to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Keeping the faith that it WILL come, in time, is what I need to concentrate on. I have alot of work to do, and alot to prove, more to myself than anyone else.
And that's that for now.
So, anybody have any good books to suggest to me? I've made a consistent effort to start reading more, and have actually finished four books so far this year. I finally read Prozac Nation (and how appropriate), finished Brother of Sleep (which has been on my bookshelf for forever), The Postman Always Rings Twice, and have moved on to reading Henry & June for the umpteenth time. The store I'm working at has a really awesome book lending program, so it's like having an always current library at my disposal. I think mayhaps the first book I will borrow will be something by Nick Hornby, as I've heard great things about him.
I sincerely hope you are all doing well, I'm trying my hardest to get back in the swing of being an active member of this community, because I do love it so. You know it's gotten bad when you peruse your friends list and are shocked to find, oh, 16 or so people have gone grey.
Also: These two damn songs will not leave my brain:
(dedicated to my favorite lady, cause we both need some sleep. And because without your influence I wouldn't have learned such a new appreciation for this wonderful, wonderful band.♥ )
(I need to stop listening to Otis on repeat in my car.)
I don't have much going on. Just been working on myself alot, get stuck in my own head way more than I'd like. I'm fairly certain it's time to see about getting me some therapy and some new meds, because this has to stop. Alot of the conflict in my brain over the last year has been due to the whole getting over my past relationship of 8 years and learning how to begin my life anew. I thought I had it all figured out and I thought I was fine with it, but it's become blatantly obvious I still have a long way to go. I've cut all ties with him, now, as we were trying to do the friend thing but that didn't work out so well. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, because when you've had someone in your life for THAT long, you kinda don't know how to behave without having them there. But it was for the best.
Main goal, atm, is to find a better paying and/or second job. Got myself a gig as a barista in a bookstore. It's ok, but the pay rate is way too low for me to survive on. And I swear breathing in all that caffeine is giving me insomnia, cause I can't fucking sleep to save my life.
Next step is finding a new place to live, as the family home is going to be no more as of April. That was another hard pill to swallow, but we just can't afford it. I really wanted this for my mother, I wanted her to finally have a home of her own, and that was originally the point in moving here. Such is life, though.
I have a long road ahead of me, and I keep trying to see that light at the end of the tunnel. Keeping the faith that it WILL come, in time, is what I need to concentrate on. I have alot of work to do, and alot to prove, more to myself than anyone else.
And that's that for now.
So, anybody have any good books to suggest to me? I've made a consistent effort to start reading more, and have actually finished four books so far this year. I finally read Prozac Nation (and how appropriate), finished Brother of Sleep (which has been on my bookshelf for forever), The Postman Always Rings Twice, and have moved on to reading Henry & June for the umpteenth time. The store I'm working at has a really awesome book lending program, so it's like having an always current library at my disposal. I think mayhaps the first book I will borrow will be something by Nick Hornby, as I've heard great things about him.
I sincerely hope you are all doing well, I'm trying my hardest to get back in the swing of being an active member of this community, because I do love it so. You know it's gotten bad when you peruse your friends list and are shocked to find, oh, 16 or so people have gone grey.
Also: These two damn songs will not leave my brain:
(dedicated to my favorite lady, cause we both need some sleep. And because without your influence I wouldn't have learned such a new appreciation for this wonderful, wonderful band.♥ )
(I need to stop listening to Otis on repeat in my car.)
Ugh. I'm fucking tired. Haven't had a day off since last Saturday, won't have one til the 17th. That will be a sweet day, indeed.
Bartending school is a breeze, I really enjoy it. One more week and I'll be a certified mix-ologist. Next step after that is finding me a better gig, one that will bring me more prosperity and fullfillment. I know our economy is in the shitter and tips are bad all over, but it takes a very consistent effort to drag my ass to my current job. Fuck the money, I just don't like it. The girls are catty and idiotic, and the heavy trays I have to lug are breaking my damn back. At the end of the day, when I count my often minimum wage pay/tips, it's just not worth it.
I'm still kinda hiding myself away from the world and trying my hardest to keep my attitude positive. Some days are easier than others, but I'm getting there. Second goal in line after the job is getting myself back in shape and healthier. This alone will raise my spirits.
So that's the plan and I'm sticking to it.
Also: I finally saw The Strangers this week. I'd heard from so many people that it was some really scary shit. A few people even admitted to having to turn on all the lights at home for a few nights after viewing.
Umm, yeah no. What a horrible fucking excuse for a horror movie, I literally screamed "What the fuck?!?!" at the screen when it ended. I should've known better when I saw Liv Tyler was the lead. Ick ick ick.
I'm having a love affair with Patsy Cline, this week. Her voice gives me happy goosebumps all over.
Love to you all.
Bartending school is a breeze, I really enjoy it. One more week and I'll be a certified mix-ologist. Next step after that is finding me a better gig, one that will bring me more prosperity and fullfillment. I know our economy is in the shitter and tips are bad all over, but it takes a very consistent effort to drag my ass to my current job. Fuck the money, I just don't like it. The girls are catty and idiotic, and the heavy trays I have to lug are breaking my damn back. At the end of the day, when I count my often minimum wage pay/tips, it's just not worth it.
I'm still kinda hiding myself away from the world and trying my hardest to keep my attitude positive. Some days are easier than others, but I'm getting there. Second goal in line after the job is getting myself back in shape and healthier. This alone will raise my spirits.
So that's the plan and I'm sticking to it.
Also: I finally saw The Strangers this week. I'd heard from so many people that it was some really scary shit. A few people even admitted to having to turn on all the lights at home for a few nights after viewing.
Umm, yeah no. What a horrible fucking excuse for a horror movie, I literally screamed "What the fuck?!?!" at the screen when it ended. I should've known better when I saw Liv Tyler was the lead. Ick ick ick.
I'm having a love affair with Patsy Cline, this week. Her voice gives me happy goosebumps all over.
Love to you all.
In a week and a half I will begin bartending classes. Yeah, that's right, it's career change time again for me. I stumbled upon a local bartending school. The classes are short, sweet, and inexpensive. Fourty hours of training (spread out over a two week period) and I'll be certified, have lifetime, nationwide job placement through the school, and at least have SOMETHING under my belt.
It was time for some optimism in my life, and the fact that my average of 18% tips in less than a month will be turning into an average of 26% is sure as shit something to look forward to. The waitressing is just not cutting it, anymore, and the damage done to my spine from so many years lifting heavy trays is impossible to ignore. I feel like I'm fucking 80 years old.
Bartending isn't what I see myself doing forever, mind you. This will be simply a stepping stone towards affording the schooling I REALLY want to pursue (esthetics). Something to tide me over that is a little bit more profitable (and hopefully a lot more enjoyable) than serving.
Good timing on my part with the spur of the moment idea to do this, too. As it stands, I'll be needing to make new living arrangements by March or April. Don't have a game plan for where I'm going or what I'm doing when that time comes, but at least I'll be a bit more financially stable.
As far as Halloween goes, I'm living vicariously through other people's plans and costumes. The closest I'll be getting to festive is renting a few good slashers. I miss the Friday the 13th marathons they used to show every year on tv, maybe I'll watch a few of those.
Also: how is it that I just tasted pineapple upside down cake for the first time, today? Holy crap that stuff's good.
*drool*
It was time for some optimism in my life, and the fact that my average of 18% tips in less than a month will be turning into an average of 26% is sure as shit something to look forward to. The waitressing is just not cutting it, anymore, and the damage done to my spine from so many years lifting heavy trays is impossible to ignore. I feel like I'm fucking 80 years old.
Bartending isn't what I see myself doing forever, mind you. This will be simply a stepping stone towards affording the schooling I REALLY want to pursue (esthetics). Something to tide me over that is a little bit more profitable (and hopefully a lot more enjoyable) than serving.
Good timing on my part with the spur of the moment idea to do this, too. As it stands, I'll be needing to make new living arrangements by March or April. Don't have a game plan for where I'm going or what I'm doing when that time comes, but at least I'll be a bit more financially stable.
As far as Halloween goes, I'm living vicariously through other people's plans and costumes. The closest I'll be getting to festive is renting a few good slashers. I miss the Friday the 13th marathons they used to show every year on tv, maybe I'll watch a few of those.
Also: how is it that I just tasted pineapple upside down cake for the first time, today? Holy crap that stuff's good.
*drool*
I needed this. Badly.
So, I made a few extra bucks at work, today. God only knows how as it was a ghost town in the diner due to Yom Kippur and I was less than personality plus after arriving half an hour late then spilling not one but two soda glasses of ice water down the front of myself.
I left work, today, and decided I deserved a little indulgence. Ran to the local drugstore and bought myself some badly needed beauty necessities, stopped off at the liquor store for some tawny port, then slipped into my jammies and just vegged. How is this different than my daily routine, you ask? Really, it's not. I usually go straight from work uniform to jammies and the boob tube, but tonight I added a few little things I've been depriving myself of and it felt like a whole new experience.
The vino was a small splurge, as I've been trying my damndest to not spend an extra dime. So that was (and is still currently) very nice. Also broke out this amazingly wonderful candle a girlfriend of mine gave me for my bday that I'd been saving for a special occasion. This candle - OH EM GEE! - is just the most heavenly scented high end boutique too-rich-for-my-blood candle ever and I've been stashing it away as long as humanly possible because just opening the canister to catch a small whiff is to die for. It smells like a sexy hippie (I know to some that's an oxymoron, but just IMAGINE with me, will you?), that's the only way to describe it. If my entire world could smell like this one burmese rosewood candle I'd be a happy happy lady.
Anyway, yeah. So I broke out the candle, filled my special occasion crystal goblet with my moderately priced wine, and watched me some Project Runway season finale (part one). Add some double chocolate chunk cookies and I was happier than a pound of bacon in shit. Or...err...something like that. Ew.
Mmhmm yeah, that's right. I'm drunk. Too drunk to reflect on the goings on in my life, right now, so take a deep sigh of relief. All I can say, at the moment, is my living situation needs to change soonish and I'm pretty damn sure I'll be at least leaving the state if not the country after the new year. Food for thought.
Also: Fuck. I've had Rilo Kiley stuck in my head for days.
And I must see this.
So, I made a few extra bucks at work, today. God only knows how as it was a ghost town in the diner due to Yom Kippur and I was less than personality plus after arriving half an hour late then spilling not one but two soda glasses of ice water down the front of myself.
I left work, today, and decided I deserved a little indulgence. Ran to the local drugstore and bought myself some badly needed beauty necessities, stopped off at the liquor store for some tawny port, then slipped into my jammies and just vegged. How is this different than my daily routine, you ask? Really, it's not. I usually go straight from work uniform to jammies and the boob tube, but tonight I added a few little things I've been depriving myself of and it felt like a whole new experience.
The vino was a small splurge, as I've been trying my damndest to not spend an extra dime. So that was (and is still currently) very nice. Also broke out this amazingly wonderful candle a girlfriend of mine gave me for my bday that I'd been saving for a special occasion. This candle - OH EM GEE! - is just the most heavenly scented high end boutique too-rich-for-my-blood candle ever and I've been stashing it away as long as humanly possible because just opening the canister to catch a small whiff is to die for. It smells like a sexy hippie (I know to some that's an oxymoron, but just IMAGINE with me, will you?), that's the only way to describe it. If my entire world could smell like this one burmese rosewood candle I'd be a happy happy lady.
Anyway, yeah. So I broke out the candle, filled my special occasion crystal goblet with my moderately priced wine, and watched me some Project Runway season finale (part one). Add some double chocolate chunk cookies and I was happier than a pound of bacon in shit. Or...err...something like that. Ew.
Mmhmm yeah, that's right. I'm drunk. Too drunk to reflect on the goings on in my life, right now, so take a deep sigh of relief. All I can say, at the moment, is my living situation needs to change soonish and I'm pretty damn sure I'll be at least leaving the state if not the country after the new year. Food for thought.
Also: Fuck. I've had Rilo Kiley stuck in my head for days.
And I must see this.
If you ever see me on the 6'o clock news going on a murderous rampage through a New Jersey diner, don't say I didn't warn you. I'd really like to bludgeon a few of the people I've had the extreme displeasure to wait on the last few days to death with a tray. Seriously, there is absolutely no excuse for leaving your server less than enough tip to pay for her gas to get home. Does no one realize most waitresses make $1.25 per hour after taxes?!?!?
I'd almost forgotten how much this industry makes me depise people. I'm still better off doing this than nothing at all, and still grateful to just be employed at this point, but damn. I can fucking do better than this. Paying the bare minimum of my bills and dragging myself to an all but thankless crappy job every day is just not gonna cut it for very long with me. I aspire to be and do more with my damn life.
I know, all that is a "same shit, different day" rant for me, anymore. But constantly reminding myself it's time to grow the hell up, be and do better, may sooner or later stick. So I will continue to bitch at myself (and about my job) til I've gotten where I feel I need to be.
Ok, so I was dying for something different to listen to in my car so I dug through some old mixed CDs I made. Found an awesome Veruca Salt/Shins/Raincoats mix I'd burned forever ago. But there are these two or three tracks I threw on at the end who I have NO FUCKING IDEA what band it is. What sucks about that is they're beautiful tracks, I keep them on repeat, they're that good. So I thought maybe my computer would be able to read the track list for me, easy right? Not so, I removed about 80% of my downloaded music earlier this year to make much needed room in my memory. So, no go.
I'm at my wit's end trying to figure out even the titles of the tracks. I've exhausted pretty much every avenue - I've put possible titles in search engines, on every music site I know of, even on freaking youtube. I am now a woman on a mission, I think on my day off I'm going to jot down the lyrics and see if I can come up with anything. Damn me for being disorganized.
Also: using my downtime at work to read The Portable Rollins makes me feel better. Gotta love a cynical bastard.♥
That's it and that's all. Yeah no, I'm still not terribly exciting. Suck it.
I'd almost forgotten how much this industry makes me depise people. I'm still better off doing this than nothing at all, and still grateful to just be employed at this point, but damn. I can fucking do better than this. Paying the bare minimum of my bills and dragging myself to an all but thankless crappy job every day is just not gonna cut it for very long with me. I aspire to be and do more with my damn life.
I know, all that is a "same shit, different day" rant for me, anymore. But constantly reminding myself it's time to grow the hell up, be and do better, may sooner or later stick. So I will continue to bitch at myself (and about my job) til I've gotten where I feel I need to be.
Ok, so I was dying for something different to listen to in my car so I dug through some old mixed CDs I made. Found an awesome Veruca Salt/Shins/Raincoats mix I'd burned forever ago. But there are these two or three tracks I threw on at the end who I have NO FUCKING IDEA what band it is. What sucks about that is they're beautiful tracks, I keep them on repeat, they're that good. So I thought maybe my computer would be able to read the track list for me, easy right? Not so, I removed about 80% of my downloaded music earlier this year to make much needed room in my memory. So, no go.
I'm at my wit's end trying to figure out even the titles of the tracks. I've exhausted pretty much every avenue - I've put possible titles in search engines, on every music site I know of, even on freaking youtube. I am now a woman on a mission, I think on my day off I'm going to jot down the lyrics and see if I can come up with anything. Damn me for being disorganized.
Also: using my downtime at work to read The Portable Rollins makes me feel better. Gotta love a cynical bastard.♥
That's it and that's all. Yeah no, I'm still not terribly exciting. Suck it.
