Resubbed for the first time in ages :3 oh my

So.. i made probably the biggest change of my life..
i got offered a job a little while ago and i took it..
this meant leaving all my friends, my family and my girlfriend(until next week that is XD)

This job happened to be in a extremely remote community in the Kimberly region in western australia
and it looks like this


its honestly the most amazing place i've ever been to.. people said i'd probably hate it for a few months but i love it.. from the day i got here i felt like i belonged here and that i was home..

the people here are awesome, everyone has been very welcoming, and helpfull! im so used to people being rude and shitheads in the city, noone takes any time out to just talk to you and shit.. i can just go for a walk here and everyone i come across will say hello and ask how im doing and shit.. its.. refreshing

Im working at the local government school which ranges from kindy all the way up to highschool/tafe! the children here are amazing, some are little shits but the majority of them are all just good, and such fun little things despite all the hardships they have to go through (one girl is 10 and addicted to smoking, others get belted with hoses, burned, beaten, raped etc it goes on) i might just be doing tech support but it feels rewarding just working there and its fun watching the kids play games on the computers haha

I finally took a risk in life and its paid off so far.. i just hope i can stay here as long as possible

time for some photos!














oh and

SO! i suck at writing this shit so lets see

new women (well 9 months but still) best sex ever, never been with a woman who.. wants me so badly?
and we get along so well, also she has huge tits





new friends (through said women) i havn't really had many friends since i was in high school so its nice to be in a group where people care about you and shizzle (also they're awesome sauce alternative people)




i hate my current job, like really.. somehow worse than my last one.. retail just pisses me off so much but..
I"VE GOT A NEW JOB!!! earning $70k a year (40k more than im on now) with a refurbished rent free house and other benefits just doing basic IT stuff at a school my mum teaches at..

only problem is its up north in a remooooooote country town and its not long term but.. my gf always says i should take more risks so.. im going to im scared shitless about it but .. i hope it all goes well

ALSO

we signed the divorce papers the other day.. was kind of a weird feeling sitting there with her, with her new baby and talking about what stuffs happened with her family and stuff and how they're still asking how i am etc..

OH and one more thing
60kg lost motherfucker!!! still got a belly+moobs but im working on them

so.. its been a while since i blogged last.
im doing alot better with my depression and stuff.. so much so that i've been pretty happy lately and getting alot more social im currently being evicted though so thats added to alot of my stress and has bought me down a bit in the last week but... i will survive.

im going to be 24 on the 20th.. the day i have to finally be out of here so.. thats gonna be a great birthday i can imagine, i feel kind of friendless at the moment but not?.. noone really takes the time to contact me, its generally always the other way around.. when i do have a conversation though or hang out its cool but.. i wish i didn't have to always make the effort.. apart from birthday parties noones invited me out for a long time... i dunno im just being silly i guess.

next month is when the possibility to start the divorce process begins.. im not entirely sure how im going to handle when i get that bit of paper nor am i sure how to go about getting it if the ex doesn't start it off but.. i dunno.. i don't really want to think about it.. i'd like for my life to be stress free for once? to be free of thought..
i've been so overwhelmed this year, mainly through my own fault as i cannot control myself or emotions still.

I'm hoping movie into a whole new situation might bring things into focus and let me get some clarity..
hoping.. i've done to much of that in the past year

there i go again

peace out homies

this is the theme of my life at the moment



"Every Day Is Exactly The Same"

I believe I can see the future
Cause I repeat the same routine
I think I used to have a purpose
But then again
That might have been a dream
I think I used to have a voice
Now I never make a sound
I just do what I've been told
I really don't want them to come around

Oh, no

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I can feel their eyes are watching
In case I lose myself again
Sometimes I think I'm happy here
Sometimes, yet I still pretend
I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

I'm writing on a little piece of paper
I'm hoping someday you might find
Well I'll hide it behind something
They won't look behind
I'm still inside here
A little bit comes bleeding through
I wish this could have been any other way
But I just don't know, I don't know what else I can do

Every day is exactly the same
Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain
Every day is exactly the same

so, its past the 6 month mark now, i've got some awesome roomates and new friends now and things are going pretty well, im still pretty lonely.. i still think about you everynow and then but it doesn't upset me anymore.
theres not really much more for me to say at this point

i have a song, that i listen to everynow and then.. it depresses me fully but also lifts me up high at the same time...when i listen to it i remember all the bad stuff and all the good stuff and it leaves me in a weird sort of neutral mood. anyway here it is



Hey, does it ever make you wonder what's in my mind
I was only ever running back to your side
I never cried, I just watched my life go by
It's just a pack of lies, cos you're leaving me behind

(Chorus)
Hey, there's not a cloud in the sky
It's as blue as your goodbye
And I thought that it would rain
On the day you went away ...

Why after this long is there nothing I'll keep
Oh I can shout, you'll pretend you're asleep
I love a lie, believing that you're mine
It's just a waste of time, cos you're leaving me behind

(Repeat Chorus)

Hey does it ever make you wonder what's on my mind
I was only ever running back to your side

(Repeat Chorus)
.. on a day like today

Hey there's not a cloud in sight
It's as blue as your blue goodbye
And I thought that it would rain
The day you went away ...

im glad to know that seeing you think it was all a mistake didn't make me bat an eyelid
i wonder what kind of person you think i am, i certainly know what type you are, and if you even loved me at all and was just there for the attention.

i doubt you read this anymore but yeah, im glad you're gone and i hope your new boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever doesn't get hurt the same way i did, as much as i did

i will see you again.. a long time from now

noone reads this shit but i feel like writing something anyways

despite feeling like i have no friends, family, love or life im doing ok
the past week i've been fine and havn't felt sad at all (except for a little bit today) i've been comfortable with the way things are and im still losing weight which is the best thing of all.

i know things will get better and i'll get friends eventually.. but for right now im just cruising along and its ok
i still miss you and love you but.. its ok

this song has been my theme as of late so.. heres some more lyrics hurr

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while
Since I first saw you
It's been a while
since i could stand on my own two feet again
and it's been a while
since i could call you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've stretched myself beyond my means

It's been a while
since i could say that i wasn't addicted and
It's been a while
Since I could say I love myself as well and
It's been a while
Since I've gone and fucked things up just like i always do
It's been a while
But all that shit seems to disappear when i'm with you
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I've rendered
I've gone and fucked things up again

Why must i feel this way?
just make this go away
just one more peaceful day

Its been awhile
Since I could look at myself straight
and it's been awhile
since i said i'm sorry
It's been awhile
Since I've seen the way the candles light your face
It's been awhile
But I can still remember just the way you taste
But everything I can't remember as fucked up as it may seem
I know it's me i cannot blame this on my father
he did the best he could for me

It's been a while
Since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while since i said i'm sorry

hey look another depressing post, i don't know why i bother sometimes
i realise i have such a long fucking way to go till im over you.. and it makes me feel worse.

i know you've been over me for a while but feh.. it still sucks to see you talking about other guys..
but oh well.. life goes on.. albiet slowly

ps heres some more depressing lyrics, thanks winamp!!

I'm in love with you
And it's crushing my heart
All I want is you
To take me into your arms

I love you
And you're crushing my heart
I need you
Please take me into your arms