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It took me forever to fall asleep last night. All I could think about was death.
It's always on my mind. Ever since I was a child.
As a kid I would have dreams about my family members being murdered. I would go around the house twice, every evening, making sure all the windows were closed and the doors were locked.
I'd awake every evening, to what I thought was the sound of the front door being unlocked. I'd lay frozen in bed until I worked up the courage to check if someone was there.
When I got to my teens, I used to write in a journal every night, expressing my deepest love for friends and family, just in case I never woke up, and never had the chance to tell them how much I loved them.
I stopped writing in the book in my twenties.
My dreams are more vivid these days, and very violent.
I see scenarios as I go about my days and imagine them ending badly. People being hit by cars, work site disasters etc.
I think about what life will be like when I finally lose a family member close to me.
I think about how I will cope when one of my dogs finally dies.
Last night I thought about my own death. I've always had a feeling that I will die of breast or lung cancer.
I really hate thinking about death. I don't know why I'm so consumed by it.
It's always on my mind. Ever since I was a child.
As a kid I would have dreams about my family members being murdered. I would go around the house twice, every evening, making sure all the windows were closed and the doors were locked.
I'd awake every evening, to what I thought was the sound of the front door being unlocked. I'd lay frozen in bed until I worked up the courage to check if someone was there.
When I got to my teens, I used to write in a journal every night, expressing my deepest love for friends and family, just in case I never woke up, and never had the chance to tell them how much I loved them.
I stopped writing in the book in my twenties.
My dreams are more vivid these days, and very violent.
I see scenarios as I go about my days and imagine them ending badly. People being hit by cars, work site disasters etc.
I think about what life will be like when I finally lose a family member close to me.
I think about how I will cope when one of my dogs finally dies.
Last night I thought about my own death. I've always had a feeling that I will die of breast or lung cancer.
I really hate thinking about death. I don't know why I'm so consumed by it.
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