I had this really long entry written. It was an attempt to change the subject. To talk about something else. To share something about myself that I had not previously revealed. But in the end it bored me. And it didn't ring true.
It wasn't the real me. It was just the me I wanted to present. I never really share the real me. Or at least not anymore. Maybe I did once. If you went back far enough you might catch a glimpse. Or you have known me long enough you may have seen a little. Not anymore. I keep myself hidden.
It just doesn't feel safe. That makes me sad.
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Update May 2nd 12pm
I wish people I care about would stop leaving.
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May 4th 130 am
I can't decide if I want to erase this journal, start a new one or just keep adding to it forever. Part of me thinks the above is just a bunch of emo crap. Another part of me thinks it is probably the most honest journal I have had up in over a year.
Mood: Nostalgic
Music: The Real McKenzies - Auld Lang Syne
It wasn't the real me. It was just the me I wanted to present. I never really share the real me. Or at least not anymore. Maybe I did once. If you went back far enough you might catch a glimpse. Or you have known me long enough you may have seen a little. Not anymore. I keep myself hidden.
It just doesn't feel safe. That makes me sad.
________________________________________________________________________________
Update May 2nd 12pm
I wish people I care about would stop leaving.
________________________________________________________________________________
May 4th 130 am
I can't decide if I want to erase this journal, start a new one or just keep adding to it forever. Part of me thinks the above is just a bunch of emo crap. Another part of me thinks it is probably the most honest journal I have had up in over a year.
Mood: Nostalgic
Music: The Real McKenzies - Auld Lang Syne
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
It's funny ... I think that I try to show who I really am, but no one really gets it anyway. I always feel utterly inadequate and it makes me sad, too. I don't know when this happened. I don't know why this happened. I just know it did.
Still, I put on the brave face and take my best stab at it.
The countdown to the Summer Games begins!