Things suck
, and then they're good
. Then they suck again and they're good. We understand each other then we upset each other and fight or cry all over again.
This is the most soul searching, trying time ever. My therapy sessions cannot start soon enough. I definately need help; I get plenty of advice, but it's from people that don't really know or understand the entire situation. I think I know what to do, some things make more sense than others, but I would like to be sure (not possible?).
I know I love the history, I love my kids, I love how we get along, I love our experiences, I love how we feel with each other, I love how I feel when I'm with my family. I feel home.
But I'm also scared. I'm scared that we'll still have bad habits. I'm scared that we will not change for the better. I'm scared that we won't find ourselves. Will we get healthy. Will we get help. Will we have fun together. Really. And, will we be happy. Will we do it. Will we do it for the right reasons.
Only we can decide and make it happen.
The other choice, the choice not to, should only be the last resort. Step family's, more kids, boyfriends, support, moving, all will/would SUCK. I know this because that's what I grew up in. Oh yeah, we'd meet people and be okay, but it's not the same...not by a long shot.
Sometimes the pressure to throw in the towel is strong. To just muster up the courage to graciously back away and let someone else take care of your family like you couldn't. Maybe that is just quitting and cowardace talking. Maybe no one can take care of my family like me even if they have more material things (read: cash).
I need a drink. I need drinks and time. I need to go out and do some soul searching. Liver hunting, as some call it, sounds fun. I would like to head to Portland tonight and try some of the bars I've been wanting to.
Those who are praying for me/us:
PRAY HARDER (but thank you)
Those who are there for us as individuals or together:
just straight up thanks (this means you too bankerboy, I hear nothing but good things. Really.)
Those who talk shit, think you know, and get in the way:
Step off
Thank you and wish us luck....
, and then they're good. Then they suck again and they're good. We understand each other then we upset each other and fight or cry all over again.
This is the most soul searching, trying time ever. My therapy sessions cannot start soon enough. I definately need help; I get plenty of advice, but it's from people that don't really know or understand the entire situation. I think I know what to do, some things make more sense than others, but I would like to be sure (not possible?).
I know I love the history, I love my kids, I love how we get along, I love our experiences, I love how we feel with each other, I love how I feel when I'm with my family. I feel home.
But I'm also scared. I'm scared that we'll still have bad habits. I'm scared that we will not change for the better. I'm scared that we won't find ourselves. Will we get healthy. Will we get help. Will we have fun together. Really. And, will we be happy. Will we do it. Will we do it for the right reasons.
Only we can decide and make it happen.
The other choice, the choice not to, should only be the last resort. Step family's, more kids, boyfriends, support, moving, all will/would SUCK
. I know this because that's what I grew up in. Oh yeah, we'd meet people and be okay, but it's not the same...not by a long shot.
Sometimes the pressure to throw in the towel is strong. To just muster up the courage to graciously back away and let someone else take care of your family like you couldn't. Maybe that is just quitting and cowardace talking. Maybe no one can take care of my family like me even if they have more material things (read: cash).
I need a drink. I need drinks and time. I need to go out and do some soul searching. Liver hunting, as some call it, sounds fun. I would like to head to Portland tonight and try some of the bars I've been wanting to.
Those who are praying for me/us:
PRAY HARDER (but thank you)
Those who are there for us as individuals or together:
just straight up thanks (this means you too bankerboy, I hear nothing but good things. Really.)
Those who talk shit, think you know, and get in the way:
Step off
Thank you and wish us luck....
Are you sure your true love won't mind?
If you really think she won't mind, then I might consider it. I don't want to do anything that might put that relationship at risk.
[Edited on Nov 12, 2004 9:50AM]
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