Just so everyone knows, I really debated myself a lot about what to title this blog, since most of the titles I came up either sounded cheesy, offensive, or cheesily offensive. Bearing that in mind, here we go...
When I was younger (and yes, when you get to be my age, you get to say "Back in the day" without it sounding quite as stupid LOL) I, like a lot of Americans, got most of my sex education from two sources: friends (not friends with benefits) and porn. So I always had a lot of questions about female orgasms. My thought process was, if I was lucky enough to be touching her naughty bits, then I damn sure wanted to make sure that she got off since I was (practically) guaranteed to get off. Let's face it guys, for the most part we have it easy when it comes to that. Some pressure, some lubrication, some motion, and we're done.
I read somewhere that a very small percentage of women (I think it was around 14-16%) can orgasm through vaginal stimulation alone; most need clitoral stimulation as well to make it happen. But yet, according to porn, all a guy had to do was lick her like she was an ice cream cone for about thirty seconds (if that), and then pound her for 5 minutes and they both got off. That couldn't be right, could it?
So, I asked my friends who had done it (keep in mind, I was a virgin until after I graduated high school). Those who had done it said, "Hey, she sounds like she's enjoying herself, so all you gotta do is pound her in a variety of positions and you can make her cum, no problem!" Again, even to my naive ears, that didn't sound right.
Fast forward a few years, and talking to those same friends again, and they would tell me this, "Man, it's sucks! If I don't lick her for a few minutes and then let her rub her clit (their words, not mine) while I'm in her, she won't cum, and then we won't have sex for a week or so! Plus, she wants me to use a vibrator on her, and she's asked me to help with a dildo. Aren't I man enough to do it just using what I got?"
Refer to the 3rd paragraph above. Chances are, just you being you is probably not enough. And the real kick in the pants, to me at least, was: You get to have sex with her. Why wouldn't you do those things so you both can enjoy it? Hell, if the only way she cums is if she's on top after you pounded her for five minutes, then what's the big deal? You both enjoy it, you both have a good time, and since you actually care about her achieving something it's real easy for you to achieve, she's more likely to not view having sex as a chore, something to just get it over with so she can go to sleep...that is, if she doesn't just tell you to jerk off.
Now, I have noticed that the younger generation of women seem more confident in telling their partners what they need, or demanding it if the talking is ignored. And that's great. And, although I'm not sure, I think that would make younger men more cognizant of their partner's needs, and they will be less likely to go through life expecting that what works for him, works for her. And that's a wonderful thing. Those same guys who acted like it was her responsibility to get off? All of them ended up divorced and working on their 2nd (or 3rd) marriage/LTR. Not saying that their lack of desire to please their partner is what resulted in their relationships falling apart, but I'm sure it probably contributed.
Moral of the story? Talk to your partner, be willing to help them out since they know their body better than you, and for Gods' sake don't take sex advice from your friends or porn.