sgt_howie

Man, finally get back to my keyboard and nothing to say.

Well not nothing, got a tonne of stuff but just not in the mood.

Well its been awhile, might even try and post this time. Seems like this internets thing ain't going away after all.

Kate, thanks. It was a great evening, you helped make it so.

Don't let the weakness in for one second. If you let it in it all falls down.

14.06.08
Still in a good mood. This is worrying me. Despite working out that K is probably right and we ain't going to work (I bet you any money she's decided the opposite right now) and despite mulling over my only regret in life (a girl at school) I'm still seeing clearly. Worries me, must all go wrong soon.

13.06.08
Right now my brain feels like it just wont stop screaming.

The maxim of "know they self" unforunatly really means "know everyone". So now I am being hit be flashes of understand of people and how they act, of our surface layer and the underkneeth that we are unaware of. This being me these flashes come and go and I cannot hold on to...
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So I will have to try and win her back. How? By seeing her for who she is again By trying to understand what it is that gets her up in the morning. All the things that I'd forgotten to do for months. All these things that I couldn't do for months because I was locked in depression that she couldn't see.

It scares me...
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I've been fretting all day, its been real tough. As I was getting changed at the gym, it struck me that I'm still in love with her. I've been pretending for months, bottling it all up. Its just not worked, I can't pretend. I've been real unfair to K as well. What can I do now? No matter how pointless I've got tell her I...
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Went out in the garden for a smoke, it has started to smell like summer. I hope this is a good sign, this has been a rotten week.

This shit just goes on and on. This is what you suffer for being a true believer. Leaves me half wishing for the singularity of Newspeak, narrowed down margin, less room for mis understanding. Like this shit with Kate. What perspective do I take. Take Ocrams Razor and go simplest, which is accept what she says. The trust prinsiple works for this to. But modern...
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Today is not a good day, not thinking has its advantages but suddenly, now and then, the reality appears and tears another hole in me. I spend all my time wanting to see her, then when I do it is just more sadness but sadness I am greatful for. I feel like a primitive man presented with a natural disaster - without understanding how can...
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