opeth always put me in a somber, reflective mood. currently listening to "to bid you farewell"... kinda makes your eyes well up, even though you dont know why... well, i do know why, but it is so much easier to supress superfilous feelings... they dont bring anything to the table... ya know?
wierd here in Tampa/St. Pete. Im very... i dont know... i am definately not myself. part of me wants to take my Gerber and just rip a huge gash in my flesh, just to make sure im still alive. promised the little sis that I would stop cutting, maybe two years ago... she picked up the bad habit from my influence, and it kills me to see her all ripped up... i dont know, it's sad, and tragic, but I understand it. I hate it, especially for her, but I do understand it. thats more than I can say for life right now. still, there's nothing better than being covered in sweat and corpse paint and flowing blood, playing infront of insane fans...
no, I am not gonna kill myself.
maybe someone else though.
just alot of pressure here, trying to establish entire division by myself, lots of legwork, very unrewarding right now. I know the payoff is huge, and that's why I am here, but It just sucks to be so far away from all the people on earth who love and care for me.
The only thing I can think to do on this friday night is to go out and drink till I cant stand. and that is not healthy.
my chest has been hurting, where I broke my sternum a few years ago. not good. I refuse to go to the hospital, because i dont have the time or the patience or the money.
Trying so, so hard to stay positive, but there is nothing for me here in Florida. not yet anyway.
wierd here in Tampa/St. Pete. Im very... i dont know... i am definately not myself. part of me wants to take my Gerber and just rip a huge gash in my flesh, just to make sure im still alive. promised the little sis that I would stop cutting, maybe two years ago... she picked up the bad habit from my influence, and it kills me to see her all ripped up... i dont know, it's sad, and tragic, but I understand it. I hate it, especially for her, but I do understand it. thats more than I can say for life right now. still, there's nothing better than being covered in sweat and corpse paint and flowing blood, playing infront of insane fans...
no, I am not gonna kill myself.
maybe someone else though.
just alot of pressure here, trying to establish entire division by myself, lots of legwork, very unrewarding right now. I know the payoff is huge, and that's why I am here, but It just sucks to be so far away from all the people on earth who love and care for me.
The only thing I can think to do on this friday night is to go out and drink till I cant stand. and that is not healthy.
my chest has been hurting, where I broke my sternum a few years ago. not good. I refuse to go to the hospital, because i dont have the time or the patience or the money.
Trying so, so hard to stay positive, but there is nothing for me here in Florida. not yet anyway.