So last night, I was trying to get to sleep and prep myself for a rather draining day today. I couldnt sleep and for some reason, I kept coming back to love songs. If I was to give a definitive soundtrack of the songs that really mean something to me, or if they came on the radio, who would I connect them back to? What songs would have the most emotional impact on me? I think I have a decent mix here, and yes, some of them are going to be the cliche sappy love songs, because I had cliche sappy relationships.
http://youtu.be/vrmExRS_RlE
Thinkin Back - Color Me Badd
Now we have started off with an embarassing track but to be honest, when this track first came out, I was just beginning to realize that maybe girls werent the enemy and gosh, I think I'd like to do things with them. I didnt know what, nor did I even know how to talk to them, but the emotions and feelings were there in all their awkward glory. This track could go back to junior high and could be pegged at two different girls, each that I would die, ABSOLUTELY DIE, if I wasnt with them. Ironically, I never said a word to either one of them and never made a move. Which is a running theme... I am a love coward.
http://youtu.be/LIgugzypVXU
Oh Me - Nirvana
Not a traditional love song but it definitely gets me reminding of this girl in HS that I was bonkers for, like I would die, ABSOLUTELY DIE, if I wasnt with her. Well, we never really connected as it was all awkward and me being a love coward. Tons of pining, but none of the hooking up. Just a horrible horrible experience, but that was high school.
http://youtu.be/AMD2TwRvuoU
Kiss From a Rose - Seal
The traditional love song! This was another HS experience but this actually worked out. The love coward actually asked a girl out and she said yes! First real girlfriend for the tubby, acne, geeky comic nerd. And it was awesome. At least from my point of view, but then again, things didnt end up well. I was of that age when hormones were flaring, I was ready to do something with a girl, and I knew what it was now. I had seen the pictures, read the magazines, there was love making to be had, but she was not feeling it. And the love coward, now empowered by conquering his first concumbine, stupidly dumped said concumbine, because there was no sex. And it was the dumbest mistake of his... erm my life. I feel like I was cursed that day, like the universe said well there was your "one" and now you fucked it up. Good luck in teh future buddy. Even with this facebook connecty social networky thing, I am scared to look her up. I think I need to move on...
http://youtu.be/yMazI2ROJXM
Masterplan - Oasis
This isnt so much a love song, but its more or less the band reminds me of this particular girl. I was out of HS, working full time, and now a MAN... who still lived with his parents. Anyway, she was pretty into this band and by default, I became into them as well. So pretty much any Oasis song that I hear reminds me back then of the crazy wild girl who taught me what the phrase unrequited love meant. We'd spend a lot of time hanging out, getting to know one and another but at every turn, I was rebuffed. Eventually we grew apart, she hooked up with others and I moved on to...
http://youtu.be/WQnAxOQxQIU
Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
The cliche 90s love song, but it brings me back to thinking about going to Canada on a crazy whim and meeting a family, hanging out with a really cool woman, and just enjoying something that you dont do every day. Like being out of America! Granted, Canada is pretty much America Lite, except for all the crazy bullshit we got going on down here, but still, things had words on them I didnt understand, and their money looked like monopoly money, before our denominations all went wonky... Anyway, such a brilliant time and I swear, at some point, I am going to make it back up there. Until then, I think about this track and riding the ferry over to the island.
http://youtu.be/9SSUQxGjZZ4
Voodoo - Godsmack
My first and only proper adult relationship. We lived together, we spent alot of time together, and hell, I even proposed. But then she reneged on it, as we were in a heat of a moment type thing, and I guess that should have been my first clue that things were amiss. We grew distant and eventually broke it off, but overall it was an enjoyable time. This track was one of our first intimate moments of dancing together and in that moment, being happy. Definitely some major bittersweet thoughts on this one.
http://youtu.be/bBGqveusXQ8
Shame - Stabbing Westward
Kind of an angry song, as I had started drinking, became infatuated with this girl, and ... it didnt end well. Booze + Crush = Disaster. I am just glad that she was patient with my dumbass. Even tho this song is older than the previous one, I hadnt really heard it until we were at a mutual friends place and it just kind of clicked with that memory of her.
http://youtu.be/pUqbyggvw9I
The F Word - Cannibal Ox
I picked the remix version of this because its a much better rendition, imo. No offense to the original producer of Can Ox's stuff, but this beat is much tighter. Anyway, this track is a two fer. There was one woman that was a distance away, and then there was the one that was really close. Again, still during my drinking phaze so I wasnt the best adult I could have been to either one of them and unsurprisingly, nothing became of either crush? Infatuation? What the hell is the adult version of having a healthy interest in someone and they dont feel the same way? Oh yeah, unrequited. This track just really summed up my feelings at the time, how the F word could be like fucked, or it could also be friend and how I was getting fried in the end.
http://youtu.be/_RrA-R5VHQs
Call Me When Youre Sober - Evanescence
The last track in the angry, drunk phaze. Again, I wasnt the model citizen to this individual but tbh, looking back on it all, I am pretty sure we were doomed from the start. Her a very promiscuous person and me a barely functional drunk. There was distance between us, but nothing considerable. Enough that it would be troublesome, especially considering that I was drinking often, so driving to see her was out of the question. I know I hit on the alcoholism part right now but I basically drank myself stupid for 10 years straight and I feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunities by not being the best person I could be. I could be funny, engaging and sociable but I was also a bully, angry and spiteful. I know you shouldnt say you have regrets and that you need to live for today but does anyone truly believe that? I regret that I was an asshole to people, and angry that I couldnt have been an adult to deal with my problems in a responsible way. I have regrets...
http://youtu.be/nMD7FIpq11Q
Mirrorball - Elbow
Sobriety hits, and the Love Coward returns. This one was to a girl I admired from afar and never, ever made a move or even talked to. She was just this absolutely goregous woman and I was so intimidated by it that I could never bring myself to chat with her. I was still trying to readjust to talking to people without being under the influence and I was finding it very difficult, especially with women. I still have the problem, a real lack of making eye contact or smiling, and I guess that is a turn off. I am just some nervous little fellow with a big beard, and I am not sure there is a market for that. Anyway, this turned into a pity party, but actually I needed to flush this all out. I dont know what the next track in this musical adventure will be, or who the intended target will be. Will the Love Coward return or will Drunken Opus come back? Can there be a middle ground to this? I honestly dont know, but it hopefully will be interesting to see where it goes.
JLR
http://youtu.be/vrmExRS_RlE
Thinkin Back - Color Me Badd
Now we have started off with an embarassing track but to be honest, when this track first came out, I was just beginning to realize that maybe girls werent the enemy and gosh, I think I'd like to do things with them. I didnt know what, nor did I even know how to talk to them, but the emotions and feelings were there in all their awkward glory. This track could go back to junior high and could be pegged at two different girls, each that I would die, ABSOLUTELY DIE, if I wasnt with them. Ironically, I never said a word to either one of them and never made a move. Which is a running theme... I am a love coward.
http://youtu.be/LIgugzypVXU
Oh Me - Nirvana
Not a traditional love song but it definitely gets me reminding of this girl in HS that I was bonkers for, like I would die, ABSOLUTELY DIE, if I wasnt with her. Well, we never really connected as it was all awkward and me being a love coward. Tons of pining, but none of the hooking up. Just a horrible horrible experience, but that was high school.
http://youtu.be/AMD2TwRvuoU
Kiss From a Rose - Seal
The traditional love song! This was another HS experience but this actually worked out. The love coward actually asked a girl out and she said yes! First real girlfriend for the tubby, acne, geeky comic nerd. And it was awesome. At least from my point of view, but then again, things didnt end up well. I was of that age when hormones were flaring, I was ready to do something with a girl, and I knew what it was now. I had seen the pictures, read the magazines, there was love making to be had, but she was not feeling it. And the love coward, now empowered by conquering his first concumbine, stupidly dumped said concumbine, because there was no sex. And it was the dumbest mistake of his... erm my life. I feel like I was cursed that day, like the universe said well there was your "one" and now you fucked it up. Good luck in teh future buddy. Even with this facebook connecty social networky thing, I am scared to look her up. I think I need to move on...
http://youtu.be/yMazI2ROJXM
Masterplan - Oasis
This isnt so much a love song, but its more or less the band reminds me of this particular girl. I was out of HS, working full time, and now a MAN... who still lived with his parents. Anyway, she was pretty into this band and by default, I became into them as well. So pretty much any Oasis song that I hear reminds me back then of the crazy wild girl who taught me what the phrase unrequited love meant. We'd spend a lot of time hanging out, getting to know one and another but at every turn, I was rebuffed. Eventually we grew apart, she hooked up with others and I moved on to...
http://youtu.be/WQnAxOQxQIU
Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden
The cliche 90s love song, but it brings me back to thinking about going to Canada on a crazy whim and meeting a family, hanging out with a really cool woman, and just enjoying something that you dont do every day. Like being out of America! Granted, Canada is pretty much America Lite, except for all the crazy bullshit we got going on down here, but still, things had words on them I didnt understand, and their money looked like monopoly money, before our denominations all went wonky... Anyway, such a brilliant time and I swear, at some point, I am going to make it back up there. Until then, I think about this track and riding the ferry over to the island.
http://youtu.be/9SSUQxGjZZ4
Voodoo - Godsmack
My first and only proper adult relationship. We lived together, we spent alot of time together, and hell, I even proposed. But then she reneged on it, as we were in a heat of a moment type thing, and I guess that should have been my first clue that things were amiss. We grew distant and eventually broke it off, but overall it was an enjoyable time. This track was one of our first intimate moments of dancing together and in that moment, being happy. Definitely some major bittersweet thoughts on this one.
http://youtu.be/bBGqveusXQ8
Shame - Stabbing Westward
Kind of an angry song, as I had started drinking, became infatuated with this girl, and ... it didnt end well. Booze + Crush = Disaster. I am just glad that she was patient with my dumbass. Even tho this song is older than the previous one, I hadnt really heard it until we were at a mutual friends place and it just kind of clicked with that memory of her.
http://youtu.be/pUqbyggvw9I
The F Word - Cannibal Ox
I picked the remix version of this because its a much better rendition, imo. No offense to the original producer of Can Ox's stuff, but this beat is much tighter. Anyway, this track is a two fer. There was one woman that was a distance away, and then there was the one that was really close. Again, still during my drinking phaze so I wasnt the best adult I could have been to either one of them and unsurprisingly, nothing became of either crush? Infatuation? What the hell is the adult version of having a healthy interest in someone and they dont feel the same way? Oh yeah, unrequited. This track just really summed up my feelings at the time, how the F word could be like fucked, or it could also be friend and how I was getting fried in the end.
http://youtu.be/_RrA-R5VHQs
Call Me When Youre Sober - Evanescence
The last track in the angry, drunk phaze. Again, I wasnt the model citizen to this individual but tbh, looking back on it all, I am pretty sure we were doomed from the start. Her a very promiscuous person and me a barely functional drunk. There was distance between us, but nothing considerable. Enough that it would be troublesome, especially considering that I was drinking often, so driving to see her was out of the question. I know I hit on the alcoholism part right now but I basically drank myself stupid for 10 years straight and I feel like I missed out on a lot of opportunities by not being the best person I could be. I could be funny, engaging and sociable but I was also a bully, angry and spiteful. I know you shouldnt say you have regrets and that you need to live for today but does anyone truly believe that? I regret that I was an asshole to people, and angry that I couldnt have been an adult to deal with my problems in a responsible way. I have regrets...
http://youtu.be/nMD7FIpq11Q
Mirrorball - Elbow
Sobriety hits, and the Love Coward returns. This one was to a girl I admired from afar and never, ever made a move or even talked to. She was just this absolutely goregous woman and I was so intimidated by it that I could never bring myself to chat with her. I was still trying to readjust to talking to people without being under the influence and I was finding it very difficult, especially with women. I still have the problem, a real lack of making eye contact or smiling, and I guess that is a turn off. I am just some nervous little fellow with a big beard, and I am not sure there is a market for that. Anyway, this turned into a pity party, but actually I needed to flush this all out. I dont know what the next track in this musical adventure will be, or who the intended target will be. Will the Love Coward return or will Drunken Opus come back? Can there be a middle ground to this? I honestly dont know, but it hopefully will be interesting to see where it goes.
JLR