missdevhill

Just me.... Missing someone... & kinda sober.

I laughed. Language barriers are always fun. I hope I do not offend. My cuddler Peta (the pewter ball python) may be up for grabs soon, pretty psure..

In a funk (as usual) & I'm trying to do at least on memorable thing daily...checked in with work, swept my living room & picked up BK....oh! Haven't been able to find my glasses in a few days so I ordered 2 more pairs for the year. I should do laundry today and hit club4448 before 7pm. Looking forward to when I will be able to walk around the block with Purdy the Pitoodle.

Getting out & about recently has me looking forward to getting out again... Girls night out maybe? Hopefully this weekend I can do something.

Stuck in a rut of wanting to be intimate with someone but not wanting just anyone to touch me. I want so much that I can't have & to be honest, I have no plan for the "what ifs" so trying for it would be a disaster. I want to feel something again, though. Im innocent enough to keep it clean. ....maybe I can learn to be like a tandem sky diving instructor - they look like they get paid to cuddle.

Bluntly blogging - most of the time I feel honestly disliked, shunned or ignored... Like there is an over all disdain for whatever is in my general direction & I must be invisible or something. ..reality is "not that into you" is an easily understood understatement that I wish I could roll with...."wouldn't rather not see me beat by a flashy pummel stick" was a reality I had to comprehend on Valentine's day & I still couldn't care less. I have to give it up... After several years of this, I can understand that I'm more than unwanted by those I feel I love and could support most. Regardless of my actions or inactions, I am hated & I will continue to be hated & I dont care enough, or maybe I care too much, to change this perception.... I will never be loved by anyone, in a way that will satisfy me... So, piss off & fuck the world.

It's been a while & I've been busy.... I had fun this morning, pretty sure. Have to swear this afternoon. Meetings this week & next as the boss is out on vacation. Cquad just closed escrow so "yeay" I'm making history. Seeking someone to run for city council. Ready to get my neighborhood familiar with CERT & I want to reach out to Reach Out before the months end.... Im wanting to be touched, pretty sure... just maybe not anytime soon