I fall in love so easily sometimes ...and then they hate me for it....
I fall in love slowly, get comfortable; say something stupid or do the wrong thing and I'm left alone, like ghosted...
It's an amazing thing to be blindly in love & I swear that it keeps you young for ever, but I'm tired of looking... tired of being sought after...
Thought...
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Virtually stood up... unromantic like :(
Beachside for the night; in his old haunt, has me missing someone with facial hair.
Feeling worse than being hated
Knowing that the one I have wanted to be close to, for so long, wants nothing to do with me & that it's my fault...I can not help but feel inadequate on any and all levels of intimacy.
Can't sleep
Can't eat
It's getting harder to not believe:
I'm not nice
Not worth the trouble
I won't be alone for...
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Not that I want to
Not that I shouldn't
Not that I can't
Not that I won't...or might, maybe...idk
Either way ...I'm just not doing it ...
Not touching.
I don't even know who HE is or if he even exists anymore...
But EVERYDAY I long for his embrace :(
I can imagine what he feels like,
how I feel, wrapped up in his arms
what he smells like,
how the scruf of his 5oclock feels against my skin...
sometimes I catch myself thinking about how I would smile at him for ...idk why...
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After losing what seemed like almost everything...I was able to steady my ground and gain a bit of yardage this year. I got tired of the dead end job jerk around so I went back to school after I realized my most recent venture was working in reverse, Again. "Out for blood" like a Vampire now...last week of externship, next week, then I will be...
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Tried to fake it but even I wasn't convinced by my efforts...Last day of the year and I still want to be out for blood. Forgiveness should be high on my list of resolutions in 2019 but it's not & wasn't the year before either. Idk how I'm gonna get through this next year jobless & full of hate.... I can't focus :( maybe I...
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Physical attraction - Thought I had it but I guess it slipped away. It probably was just another polar opposite, anyway. Can't get over the thought of my love someday walking into my line of site when I least expect it... & me just waving him on by like, idc.
Looking forward to getting out. Would love to meet some SG connections, if I have any.
