On Fairness (Let's HAVE SOME, Shall We?)
Some of you know that I have not one but two sons, not one but two daughters, four children in all. Some of you know that I have been paying child support on one of them, to the tune of $688.00 a month, for the past four years. And some of you know that, due to the arrival of my youngest daughter, I recently filed to have the child support amount reduced. Very few of you know what followed that filing. READ ON...
When I filed to have the amount reduced, it was not long before I got a witholding order stating an obligation of $427.00 per month in child support with a balance due of $11,500 dollars or so. Okay, I'm used to seeing a back child support balance (I was unemployed for ten months in 2004 with no way to make payments) so I figured it was just back child support they recently uncovered and tacked onto the order. It was not until I received a CHECK for $344.00 that I realized it was a balance due... TO ME.
I got the euphoria that you usually get when you get a windfall, which lasted all of five minutes. Just long enough for me to ask myself: "Hey... Uhm...er...who's footing the bill?" Then it dawned on me that some sort of terrible mistake may have been made-- like writing down my daughter's birthdate as 2-8-06 instead of 2-6-08, or that perhaps my sloppy handwriting made my "8" look like a "6," as it sometimes can if I'm in a hurry. I took out my calculator, and added it all up, multiplying the check amount by the number of months it would take to make that kind of typo. About nine grand... No, that's not it.
I pondered this for a few days, then I remembered something: Shortly before I returned to the working world, I attended a hearing, during which the judge lowered my potential income to minimum wage. Shortly afterward, I received a paper stating that my monthly obligation would be $427.00 per month, with a back child support balance of a little over $5,000.00. Well, okay, but when I got a job, I received a witholding order stating a monthly obligation of $688.00 per month, with over $8,000.00 back due. I figured, "they know better than I do as far as what they're doing. Besides, who am I to question the courts?" And I lived with it.
I eventually caught up on my back due support, and all was well with a universe clever enough to contain yours truly... Or so it seemed. I overdrew my bank account many times over the next four years, sometimes relying on the bank's willingness to cover transactions and take an overdraft fee rather than return a transaction in order to ensure that my rent was paid and I had my bus pass. I endured months where I had to choose which utility bill to pay, and catch up later if I could. But for the most part I made things work as well as I could. I adapted, knowing that at least I was able to meet my obligation.
Then came the day: February 6, 2008. Our daughter, Lizard, arrived. I was hesitant at first to apply for modification of the child support obligation, deciding to see if we could make it with the payment as it is. we found daycare for a sweet deal, that fit into our budget, and lorelai gets great benefits, so Lizard's covered there, so no biggie. But soon our daycare provider, who had also been trying to make it on very little, came to us needing more. We agreed to raise her pay, knowing it was worth it-- Lizard ADORED her. This meant I needed to stop putting it off and apply for a modification, hoping the mother of my third child would not see it as some sort of personal thing (We rarely speak-- there are some issues, not up for discussion here. I will not elaborate on this. Deal with it.). So I went to the courthouse and got the necessary paperwork, filled it out, and sent it in. And waited.
Okay, go back up and re-read that second paragraph. Okay, go back and re-read it. Again. Got it? Okay, read on...
Now I'm panicking, and it dawns on me: When I got the order for child support with an obligation of $427, I never got a witholding order. Previously, I had received witholding orders for $688, intended for my old place of employment. It dawned on me, four years later, that they SENT THE WRONG WITHOLDING ORDER TO MY NEW JOB. They had been taking $271.00 per month MORE than they should have been. Total it all up, and it makes up the balance due to me. Almost to the penny. This meant that the mother of my third, to whom I had been paying child support, was IN DEBT to me for over $11,000.00!!! Which meant that she would be receiving reduced checks for nearly the next three years. Less than $100.00 per month, in fact.
The first thing I did was to call the courthouse to see if I was right about how this came to pass, which I was. The next thing I did dropped the attorney's jaw on the desk: I asked, "Is there any way I can just walk away from that debt, you know, let her keep it?" It's then that things started getting muddier and muddier. See, there's no precedent for that. They sent a cease witholding order, terminating payment of child support. This is their solution to the problem? Leave my third child with NOTHING? Yeah, they decided to terminate child support until the balance is caught up. Then they transfered me to another department because I had questions. That department's solution? CLOSE THE CASE. Oh, holy fuck, this is BULLSHIT!!!
So finally, I get a free moment, and the mother of my third calls me. I explain the situation, and how it's nothing she or I did wrong. The STATE screwed up, but somehow or other she is supposed to be held accountable for it. The thing that absolutely INFURIATES me is that had I not applied for a modification, they would STILL be taking that extra money. Go back and re-read the fifth paragraph. Now I ask you: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OF THOSE MONTHS $271.00 MORE WOULD HAVE PREVENTED AN OVERDRAFT OR KEPT ME FROM FALLING BEHIND ON MY UTILITIES? Every fucking month. But THEY screw up, THEY misfiled the witholding order, THEY let it go for four years, and now SHE has to pay for it??? BULLSHIT!!! FUCKING BULLSHIT!!! It's not right, it's not fair, and I would rather not have the money back if it means I have to run a FIVE YEAR-OLD through a MEATGRINDER to get it. Because that's who ultimately suffers for the State's mistake.
So in two weeks, I intend to go with her to the courthouse and file whatever paperwork I need to to get that debt off her shoulders. It's not her mistake, it's theirs. I also intend to talk to a lawyer about who I need to sue to see to it that fairness is served. It would be nice if I could also get punitive damages for pain and suffering, but I'll settle for the money-- and some semblance of my life-- back.
So to the Dead-Beat Dads of the world: You dodge your child support obligation, I meet mine. You avoid finding work to get out of paying for it, I bust ass at my job to make sure I meet my obligations to both my third child and my family here at home. You find out you have money coming, you take it, regardless of who suffers and how they suffer. I am willing to refuse the $11,450.00 owed to me because I refuse to allow a child to starve. I am more a man than you will ever be.
Some of you know that I have not one but two sons, not one but two daughters, four children in all. Some of you know that I have been paying child support on one of them, to the tune of $688.00 a month, for the past four years. And some of you know that, due to the arrival of my youngest daughter, I recently filed to have the child support amount reduced. Very few of you know what followed that filing. READ ON...
When I filed to have the amount reduced, it was not long before I got a witholding order stating an obligation of $427.00 per month in child support with a balance due of $11,500 dollars or so. Okay, I'm used to seeing a back child support balance (I was unemployed for ten months in 2004 with no way to make payments) so I figured it was just back child support they recently uncovered and tacked onto the order. It was not until I received a CHECK for $344.00 that I realized it was a balance due... TO ME.
I got the euphoria that you usually get when you get a windfall, which lasted all of five minutes. Just long enough for me to ask myself: "Hey... Uhm...er...who's footing the bill?" Then it dawned on me that some sort of terrible mistake may have been made-- like writing down my daughter's birthdate as 2-8-06 instead of 2-6-08, or that perhaps my sloppy handwriting made my "8" look like a "6," as it sometimes can if I'm in a hurry. I took out my calculator, and added it all up, multiplying the check amount by the number of months it would take to make that kind of typo. About nine grand... No, that's not it.
I pondered this for a few days, then I remembered something: Shortly before I returned to the working world, I attended a hearing, during which the judge lowered my potential income to minimum wage. Shortly afterward, I received a paper stating that my monthly obligation would be $427.00 per month, with a back child support balance of a little over $5,000.00. Well, okay, but when I got a job, I received a witholding order stating a monthly obligation of $688.00 per month, with over $8,000.00 back due. I figured, "they know better than I do as far as what they're doing. Besides, who am I to question the courts?" And I lived with it.
I eventually caught up on my back due support, and all was well with a universe clever enough to contain yours truly... Or so it seemed. I overdrew my bank account many times over the next four years, sometimes relying on the bank's willingness to cover transactions and take an overdraft fee rather than return a transaction in order to ensure that my rent was paid and I had my bus pass. I endured months where I had to choose which utility bill to pay, and catch up later if I could. But for the most part I made things work as well as I could. I adapted, knowing that at least I was able to meet my obligation.
Then came the day: February 6, 2008. Our daughter, Lizard, arrived. I was hesitant at first to apply for modification of the child support obligation, deciding to see if we could make it with the payment as it is. we found daycare for a sweet deal, that fit into our budget, and lorelai gets great benefits, so Lizard's covered there, so no biggie. But soon our daycare provider, who had also been trying to make it on very little, came to us needing more. We agreed to raise her pay, knowing it was worth it-- Lizard ADORED her. This meant I needed to stop putting it off and apply for a modification, hoping the mother of my third child would not see it as some sort of personal thing (We rarely speak-- there are some issues, not up for discussion here. I will not elaborate on this. Deal with it.). So I went to the courthouse and got the necessary paperwork, filled it out, and sent it in. And waited.
Okay, go back up and re-read that second paragraph. Okay, go back and re-read it. Again. Got it? Okay, read on...
Now I'm panicking, and it dawns on me: When I got the order for child support with an obligation of $427, I never got a witholding order. Previously, I had received witholding orders for $688, intended for my old place of employment. It dawned on me, four years later, that they SENT THE WRONG WITHOLDING ORDER TO MY NEW JOB. They had been taking $271.00 per month MORE than they should have been. Total it all up, and it makes up the balance due to me. Almost to the penny. This meant that the mother of my third, to whom I had been paying child support, was IN DEBT to me for over $11,000.00!!! Which meant that she would be receiving reduced checks for nearly the next three years. Less than $100.00 per month, in fact.
The first thing I did was to call the courthouse to see if I was right about how this came to pass, which I was. The next thing I did dropped the attorney's jaw on the desk: I asked, "Is there any way I can just walk away from that debt, you know, let her keep it?" It's then that things started getting muddier and muddier. See, there's no precedent for that. They sent a cease witholding order, terminating payment of child support. This is their solution to the problem? Leave my third child with NOTHING? Yeah, they decided to terminate child support until the balance is caught up. Then they transfered me to another department because I had questions. That department's solution? CLOSE THE CASE. Oh, holy fuck, this is BULLSHIT!!!
So finally, I get a free moment, and the mother of my third calls me. I explain the situation, and how it's nothing she or I did wrong. The STATE screwed up, but somehow or other she is supposed to be held accountable for it. The thing that absolutely INFURIATES me is that had I not applied for a modification, they would STILL be taking that extra money. Go back and re-read the fifth paragraph. Now I ask you: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OF THOSE MONTHS $271.00 MORE WOULD HAVE PREVENTED AN OVERDRAFT OR KEPT ME FROM FALLING BEHIND ON MY UTILITIES? Every fucking month. But THEY screw up, THEY misfiled the witholding order, THEY let it go for four years, and now SHE has to pay for it??? BULLSHIT!!! FUCKING BULLSHIT!!! It's not right, it's not fair, and I would rather not have the money back if it means I have to run a FIVE YEAR-OLD through a MEATGRINDER to get it. Because that's who ultimately suffers for the State's mistake.
So in two weeks, I intend to go with her to the courthouse and file whatever paperwork I need to to get that debt off her shoulders. It's not her mistake, it's theirs. I also intend to talk to a lawyer about who I need to sue to see to it that fairness is served. It would be nice if I could also get punitive damages for pain and suffering, but I'll settle for the money-- and some semblance of my life-- back.
So to the Dead-Beat Dads of the world: You dodge your child support obligation, I meet mine. You avoid finding work to get out of paying for it, I bust ass at my job to make sure I meet my obligations to both my third child and my family here at home. You find out you have money coming, you take it, regardless of who suffers and how they suffer. I am willing to refuse the $11,450.00 owed to me because I refuse to allow a child to starve. I am more a man than you will ever be.
motherchaos:
You are at that. Major Kudos to you!! Having been the child of a dad that fought child support tooth and nail, I can only tell you that you are a treasure. Also, we have always know that the State sucks! (doesn't even matter which state actually....they all do!). Lorelei knows how lucky she is, right? 
wyldewolfe:
SALUTE