AVP: Alien Versus Predator:
If you want to see yet another action movie that cops out of the action, and instead throws in worthless buildups, characters with no interesting qualities (the only thing that makes them really that different from each other is their accents or haircut. They're like clones of the same awful dialogue spouting blase person) then AVP is the movie for you. It's a dick flick alright, but maybe it's just me, but I like my dick flicks big and scary with how much power and energy they have.
Like many recent comic book movies and despite director claims that he's a fan of the franchises that spawned it, AVP disregards pretty much any semblance to the source material. With Spider-man, and comic book movies based on characters with decades of history to cram into two hours. Instead of tryin to put in the most fancy set pieces he could think of, Paul W. Anderson should have just taken a hint from the Aliens Versus Predator Comics (which most of are miniseries the would translate extremely well into film form with little to no tinkering) Now, as someone who's watched all six source movies more times than I can remember, here are the things from the movie that really didn't make a fucking lick of logical sense (even in action movie logic, which can be pretty flexible)
[Be warned there are SPOILERS]
1. aliens go from facehugger to full grown alien warrior in under an hour of movie time. (real time about 4 minutes)
in Alien, Caine has the facehugger on him long enough for people to actually get concerned, a few hours minimum. Between it falling off and the chestburster coming out, is another half hour to an hour. James Cameron was going to put a scene in Aliens where Ripley runs into Burke while shes trying to find Newt, and he says he 'can feel it inside him' it was cut because James Cameron actually has some talent as a director and doesn't take his audience for retarded.
2.The Heat generated by the temple. You would figure that something underneath the ice of Antarctica that makes a heat signature detectable from space would be warm inside, espescially if it is a hunting ground for predators, who in both movies directly says they only come when it's hottest. Do any characters make not of something about anything like that? Not once. They're too busy reading Ancient Mayan/Cambodian/Egyptian heiroglyphs fluently, even though they come from a culture that was founded before known civilization.
3. You'd figure because Predators hunt the Aliens on a frequenty basis, their weapons would be protected against their acid. They are it seems, but only if all your friends are dead first. One Predators claws are melted to nothing thanks to the Alien blood, yet anothers spear, claws, ninja star (why not just use the fucking disk weapon thats wlready been established)
4. Charles Bishop Weyland (Get it?!?! He's so clever that he's even incorporating an early version of the company! OMG This guy is the smartest screenwriter EVER!) Regardless that Alien 3 already showed where the physical design of the Bishop android came from (Michael Bishop, the guy who tried to get Ripley to get the surgery to those who don't remember) This movie doesn't just leave a few plot holes, bbut rips new ones wide open in the other movies. The founder of the company that becomes so ever present would let their founder go off on an expedition to one of the most hostile environments on earth, and when he doesn't return, and none of the rest of the team returns, you mean to tell me that they wouldn't have sent someone to find out what happened, to find the ruins of the temple, the signs of the fight with the alien queen, and subsequently, the queens remains? (they got a satellite to monitor the earth for heat fluctuations, and can detect a minor one two kilometres under ice, I'd assume they can do basic detective work) He could have been an interesting character, but alas, like every other one in the movie, he dies without incident.
5. The nature of alien blood. It's been said before, alien blood oxidizes after death. So I suppose that explains the utterly idiotic idea to make an Alien head into a sheild (!) but it doesn't explain how the blood from the alien finger taken at the same time would still be able to leave a mark.
6. Being outdoors in Antacrctica. In the final showdown, the last human is in a sweater. Outside. In Antarctica. Thanks to Klaire's journal, I know that it gets to -100 there. I've been outside in -50 celsius before while fully bundled, and it's still fucking cold. if I was in a little sweater, i'd imagine I would have froze to death in under an hour. Watch The Thing by John Carpenter, which I think gives a far more fair idea of what Antactic temperatures are like.
So those are the most major things that weren't quite right with the movie in regards to continuity. This isn't even counting the poor camera work, terrible terrible dialogue among other things. I figure this is long enough, and hopefully, if you were thinking about seeing this flick, you won't now.
If I had made this movie and wanted to go for the 'no celebrity from a previous franchise' in it, I would have probably just directly taken the first Aliens VS Predator story done by dark horse (with the predlude from Dark Horse Comics Presents) or even adapted the first Aliens VS Predator computer game, where it's a group of Marines who got stuck in the middle of the two on an alien planet, with an alein race long extinct who worshipped the Xenomorphs whose temple was the one in question.
I really was hoping this movie wouldn't suck, really.
If you want to see yet another action movie that cops out of the action, and instead throws in worthless buildups, characters with no interesting qualities (the only thing that makes them really that different from each other is their accents or haircut. They're like clones of the same awful dialogue spouting blase person) then AVP is the movie for you. It's a dick flick alright, but maybe it's just me, but I like my dick flicks big and scary with how much power and energy they have.
Like many recent comic book movies and despite director claims that he's a fan of the franchises that spawned it, AVP disregards pretty much any semblance to the source material. With Spider-man, and comic book movies based on characters with decades of history to cram into two hours. Instead of tryin to put in the most fancy set pieces he could think of, Paul W. Anderson should have just taken a hint from the Aliens Versus Predator Comics (which most of are miniseries the would translate extremely well into film form with little to no tinkering) Now, as someone who's watched all six source movies more times than I can remember, here are the things from the movie that really didn't make a fucking lick of logical sense (even in action movie logic, which can be pretty flexible)
[Be warned there are SPOILERS]
1. aliens go from facehugger to full grown alien warrior in under an hour of movie time. (real time about 4 minutes)
in Alien, Caine has the facehugger on him long enough for people to actually get concerned, a few hours minimum. Between it falling off and the chestburster coming out, is another half hour to an hour. James Cameron was going to put a scene in Aliens where Ripley runs into Burke while shes trying to find Newt, and he says he 'can feel it inside him' it was cut because James Cameron actually has some talent as a director and doesn't take his audience for retarded.
2.The Heat generated by the temple. You would figure that something underneath the ice of Antarctica that makes a heat signature detectable from space would be warm inside, espescially if it is a hunting ground for predators, who in both movies directly says they only come when it's hottest. Do any characters make not of something about anything like that? Not once. They're too busy reading Ancient Mayan/Cambodian/Egyptian heiroglyphs fluently, even though they come from a culture that was founded before known civilization.
3. You'd figure because Predators hunt the Aliens on a frequenty basis, their weapons would be protected against their acid. They are it seems, but only if all your friends are dead first. One Predators claws are melted to nothing thanks to the Alien blood, yet anothers spear, claws, ninja star (why not just use the fucking disk weapon thats wlready been established)
4. Charles Bishop Weyland (Get it?!?! He's so clever that he's even incorporating an early version of the company! OMG This guy is the smartest screenwriter EVER!) Regardless that Alien 3 already showed where the physical design of the Bishop android came from (Michael Bishop, the guy who tried to get Ripley to get the surgery to those who don't remember) This movie doesn't just leave a few plot holes, bbut rips new ones wide open in the other movies. The founder of the company that becomes so ever present would let their founder go off on an expedition to one of the most hostile environments on earth, and when he doesn't return, and none of the rest of the team returns, you mean to tell me that they wouldn't have sent someone to find out what happened, to find the ruins of the temple, the signs of the fight with the alien queen, and subsequently, the queens remains? (they got a satellite to monitor the earth for heat fluctuations, and can detect a minor one two kilometres under ice, I'd assume they can do basic detective work) He could have been an interesting character, but alas, like every other one in the movie, he dies without incident.
5. The nature of alien blood. It's been said before, alien blood oxidizes after death. So I suppose that explains the utterly idiotic idea to make an Alien head into a sheild (!) but it doesn't explain how the blood from the alien finger taken at the same time would still be able to leave a mark.
6. Being outdoors in Antacrctica. In the final showdown, the last human is in a sweater. Outside. In Antarctica. Thanks to Klaire's journal, I know that it gets to -100 there. I've been outside in -50 celsius before while fully bundled, and it's still fucking cold. if I was in a little sweater, i'd imagine I would have froze to death in under an hour. Watch The Thing by John Carpenter, which I think gives a far more fair idea of what Antactic temperatures are like.
So those are the most major things that weren't quite right with the movie in regards to continuity. This isn't even counting the poor camera work, terrible terrible dialogue among other things. I figure this is long enough, and hopefully, if you were thinking about seeing this flick, you won't now.
If I had made this movie and wanted to go for the 'no celebrity from a previous franchise' in it, I would have probably just directly taken the first Aliens VS Predator story done by dark horse (with the predlude from Dark Horse Comics Presents) or even adapted the first Aliens VS Predator computer game, where it's a group of Marines who got stuck in the middle of the two on an alien planet, with an alein race long extinct who worshipped the Xenomorphs whose temple was the one in question.
I really was hoping this movie wouldn't suck, really.
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Oh, and fuck your Canadian currency! Whatever THAT may be!
Plus, the fact that you called her Juby to me earns you nine hundred points.