Ohhhhhhh my goodness! The last couple of weeks have been very strange.
I have some crazy insomnia going on, but in the uncomfortable and miserable kind of way. The doc tried to put me on Celexa, claiming it should help reduce my nighttime anxiety, but it just made me not care about anything. Lump of flesh, no thoughts, so desires, no cares, no drive to do anything. Without hunger pains I don't think I would have even eaten! It also made me really sick, so... no more of that crap!
Health stuff:
I'm suuuuper happy to have found a good doctor, though. He actually listened to what was going on and prescribed me a very very low dose of Xanax to help me stop getting so tense and stressed out at night, along with some ambien for the nights I NEED SOME SLEEP OMG, you know? This combo worked before, I'm just really really glad he listened to what I had to say. I'm not really sure why, but he's got me trying Paxil too. Something about keeping a level head or something. (I feel pretty level already... one indication is General Anxiety Disorder, though... so I'm going to give it a shot. might as well. we'll see)
Work stuff:
The job I thought was going to be my ticket-to-ride kind of fell through.. they couldn't even give me a straight answer about my training, whether I would be 14 hours away or staying in my home city, whether I was going to fly tomorrow, next week, or not at all... The company was just not organized. I did some research and found out they aren't so great with their accounting either, which means I may not have been paid for all the work I did. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK that. So, the hunt continues. Still no social life (my weekends are spent listening to repetitive music in a dark atmosphere with drunk people and high or drunk chicks, trying to milk money out of idiots that are broke... ugh) but I have a 'date' tonight.. Mostly just hanging out and talking over a bottle of wine.
The Hunt Continues:
I've been searching and searching without pretty much ANY success for a good job. I'm at the point... if it pays well enough, I would relocate just about anywhere in a heartbeat. In fact, if I can get a good enough job, I would relocate and either start my masters there, or just do it online with University of Phoenix... I'm now trying placement agencies. I've had no luck on my own, and I need these destructive and less-than-stellar weekends to end. I can't dooo this anymore. Any brilliant suggestions on ways to get a good job? I would gladly venture into the unknown... BUT! I spent waaaaaaaay too much money on my degree to not use it. I WILL find a job that utilizes SOMETHING I paid all that money to learn... I'm all ears for anyone with any suggestions of any kind.
Espresso love:
My mother and I have found something we both LOVE and adore, and have even found a common ground to bond over. We both have very strong and independent personalities and we're both very opinionated and convinced we are RIGHT. ALWAYS. ....So it's refreshing to be able to share something. I have showed her how to use my espresso machine properly and introduced her to the most amazing espresso beans in the world. Seriously. I've been places and done things, and no coffee or espresso compares to Broadway Cafe and Roasting Company. Our mutual love of this brand and beverage has brought us together like never before. We still disagree a lot, but we can always get over it... so long as we have hazelnut or vanilla lattes. :)
Shootfest sadness:
Due to being sick, and broke, and life in general... it appears I have missed out over and over on going to shootfests. God. Damn. It. It's really all I want. To share myself with other unique and creative souls... To maybe find a moment where my own unique style and sense of self can be captured and shared appropriately. I feel so stifled all by myself. I miss @azera a whole bunch. She's soooo far away now! :/ I think @ayako is still out and about in KC, as is Miss @exploit. It seems so strange and sad that the amazing women I relate to and miss are so far away, though they're so close. I think we all need to set up a shootfest here in KC. Think about it! Chicago is only 8 hours away, Minneapolis is about 6 and a half hours, Denver is around 8 hours.. St Louis is only 4 hours... Even Des Moines is only 3 hours! This is a very good place to get everyone together for a shootfest. I feel very confident I could find a beautiful private residence big enough for all of us here in the metro area.. Maybe down by a lake... Why haven't we done this yet? Does anyone know any SGs, Hopefuls, or Photographers in this general region that might be interested in planning something? Contact me if you are one of the above or you know someone. Let's make some magic in this beautiful city! The Nelson Atkins is full of wonderful art and history, Broadway Cafe is the most scrumptious caffeine in the world, and Martini corner and Westport are tons of fun for those that desire a drink or two. ;) Let's do the city, sometime... <3 Maybe if I can't get to a shootfest, I can bring one to me! I still can't believe I'm missing out on the Mn shootfest and the Tahoe shootfest... meh
When I got Sweetpea, my Quaker parrot, she was scared and angry and had some serious anxiety issues. She bit me! Once she got used to the idea that I wasn't going to hurt her, I wasn't scared of her, and I gave her enough attention... wonder of wonders... she started talking. :) She has a lot to say from time to time, though she's very camera shy. This bird went from screaming and freaking out to saying her first words in six months... and now, two years later, she's learned how to nod her head yes and say a number of phrases and words. I've got a video of her I'm going to upload right after this, so I'll see if I can link to it. :)
EDIT: Here it is! SWEETPEA THE DUCK
/Edit
She's happy to perch on my shoulder or on her perch close to me. :)
When I'm off and adventuring the world, she's not too happy... but I enjoy seeing people other than family and living things other than birds and bunnies... lol
Some of my adventures lead me to electronic events, though admittedly not nearly as often as what used to happen... The last show I went to I was a vendor at. All dressed up to sell fractal glasses, 3D shirts and dresses, and other random shtuff. :) It was a fun and beautiful night. <3 Also, Broadway Cafe is a must-stop for anyone in KC. Westport and Broadway. DO IT!
With love for all of you!
<3 Madi
