In memory of the Lambrage... <3

I recently spent some time going through my old computer desk from high school and found some pen pal letters from the first true friend I ever had... Rob, the Lambrage, Mr 'Iris Out' himself...

I was only 13 or 14 when I started spending every waking hour online, chatting on aol instant messenger, with someone who became my dearest friend. Rob and my friend...
Read More

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
madilynn:

Thanks for your support.. <3 It's crazy to think over a decade ago I met someone so special, so amazing... and he was taken away. I'm just really glad I kept those letters, and I found them, and I'll keep them always... 

irabrai:

It always sucks to lose someone you love, it'll always hurt. I've found that the best way is to never forget them. I lost my first girlfriend to cancer a few years ago (i wasn't with her at the time, hadn't been for 3 years at least, and hadn't seen her for almost 1 year), but never kept any real keep sakes, other than my memories of her. Had - when we were together- a picture of me holding her on her bed; but stupidly tore it up, and completely regret it now. I know that the day before she passed, i wanted to text her; One of the "Girls" that i worked with was leaving to become a nurse - reminding me of her and her mum (who was a carer). I never had a chance to say goodbye to her (think our last chat was how she was coming down to Southend to see another mate and how we'd have to meet up; the 3 of us). She's someone I miss, and always shall, not a day goes past where i don't think about her. Thinking of you at this time @madilynn

Feeling old... and emo

I just realized I'm closer to thirty than twenty now.

This is going to sound crazy, but I like it. I like who I am, how sure I am of my core values and principles, how certain I am that I am a good person (though eccentric and sometimes impulsive) and deserve the good things in life that come to me.

I know it...
Read More

VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
madilynn:

I have always been assertive and open... I've learned a lot over the years. I've learned what I want, and what I don't want. I have a new perspective on what's important to me and what's not. At the end of the day, I want to be able to come home and climb in bed and be held and know that I'm loved. That's it. That's enough. With that, I want to know that I'm loved regardless of the modeling, the dancing... everything. That I'm loved for who I am precisely, not someone I have to pretend to be. I can look back at the things we fought about, the arguments and lies we told each other... I don't see any of it as having any baring on anything moving forward. My biggest fear is losing what I have now, but I know I can't be happy stuck in limbo either... not forever. I keep waiting and hoping that there will be some great sign to tell me there's something better and I deserve it... but these days, really, I have no complaints except the undetermined state of these emotions. 

jedoro:

Go for it. If you're waiting for life to have some certainty, you'll be waiting forever, because with all of the different people involved in our lives, nothing's ever really certain. If you think exes are exes for a reason, maybe that reason was that he hadn't grown up yet. We regret more the things we didn't do, than the things we did.

omg

I totally just got kissed by a porn star... :> Jesse Jane is in the house tonight! Woop woop!

tactical:

Lucky Jesse 

grifterwc:

OMG.. thats awesome.. shes such a babe!

Happy daddy day!

to all the daddies out there... Celebrate your day, you've most likely earned it! Lol

My dad was a silly sort of awesome... He's inspired me to achieve (sometimes through raging screaming fights... Such as the computer, which encouraged me to build my first tower at 8) and reassured me I'm tough and capable ( don't rub it, walk it off, if...
Read More

Insane in the membrane... Insane in the brain!

Ohhhhhhh my goodness! The last couple of weeks have been very strange.

I have some crazy insomnia going on, but in the uncomfortable and miserable kind of way. The doc tried to put me on Celexa, claiming it should help reduce my nighttime anxiety, but it just made me not care about anything. Lump of flesh, no thoughts, so desires, no cares, no drive to...
Read More

jedoro:

Good luck with the job search!

u2fanatic:

What is your degree in? Are you looking for work in a particular field? No guarantees but I may be able to help you out... at least introduce you to some people that might open some new doors for you. 

My confession

I hear there was some homework and it was to make a confession.

I've been watching what I eat so much, sometimes I go crazy. It sounds crazy, but I would rather starve than put garbage in my body if I can help it. I think the evidence of this change is really starting to show, too.

My confession:

I accidentally stumbled across a
Read More

brickman:

Okay, that's kind of nutty, but I like it.  Your set is smoking, you look amazing.  Love those curves.

I am soooo amazed! I love you guys!!

well, tonight wasn't really the greatest night for dancing, but I think I rocked a third interview today... I'm so excited about that, and... Of course... My new set went live today! It's been a long crazy day, so I didn't have time earlier to do this properly.

New set, Roseau

Go pick your favorite photo! I loooove comments, and I...
Read More

VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
flashracing:

Your incredible ass wins it for me! 

rogha:

personally I love all points of a woman's sacred triangle equally so I like seeing all three. (T,A & V)  If I  were a woman I would be terribly proud that I had all three, and would never play "hide the cookie" just to appease a few people that absurdly think that the Vagina is somehow obscene.  screw em.  From what I've seen, you ROCK IT from all angles!

it's time!!

New set, Roseau, which needs your love and support! Please take a moment to love it (if you do) and please please comment! :) love you all!!

VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
legman:

pretty set!!!

irabrai:

Can't believe you're not pink yet! You look amazing.

Oh noes...

In the space of three days, first my Grandma may have ovarian cancer, my dad had skin cancer and thus a quarter sized piece of his nose removed, and I got a call from my doctor informing me there's a very real possibility I have cervical cancer trying to develop. Again.

It's been seven years since the last abnormal pap, but the nurse...
Read More

VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
berzerkerrage69:

Stay strong and positive. Hopefully things will get better soon,

irabrai:

Wishing you and your family well.