I mentioned when I returned that I have been going through a bit of an emotional "trial". I mentioned that I'd share it with you guys. I'm kinda nervous to do this because I'm usually reserved about my private life - the stuff that bothers me, I mean. Oh, sure, in conversation I'll blather on incessantly about some arcane factoid or take the most inconsequential pieces of pop-culture minutiae and elevate them in status to being the subject worthy of a thirty minute soliloquy - these are all hollow attempts by me to avoid having to talk about anything meaningful in my OWN life.
That reminds me....did I ever share my theory with you about how "Hello Kitty" is really an supernatural overlord? No? Well here's why. See, she's always in a state of "watching". With no mouth, Hello kitty is in the role of perpetual "observer"....and....and....um......
See? I do that all the time.
*sigh*
I've been pretty down lately because my brother is having problems. Serious problems. He's had about 4 mental breakdowns in the last three years. And only three weeks ago had a breakdown so severe that we almost had to involuntarily commit him. He's just so scared of having to live on his own - so scared of himself. He's one of these kids with ZERO self-esteem and he can't seem to break the cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies of failure. He's convinced he cannot succeed and that he's not an interesting person. Therefore - he cannot cope with assignments he's given for fear of doing something badly. He'll simply not do it and then curse himself for failing. He'll bottle up all that self-hatred and self-loathing deep inside of him until, one day, he can't handle it anymore....and then.....well.....you get the idea.
It's a shame - he's funny and smart....I've always thought he had it the best of all three of us: my sister, myself, and him, I mean. He got my sense of humor and my sister's work ethic (he would've been fucked 10 times worse if he got my work ethic and my sister's sense of humor). He's kind, he's a good athlete, and most importantly, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He's a genuinely decent and upright human being. But he can't see it in himself. Or he won't allow himself to see it.
Some of you here have even met him - I know Gadget and Goob have at an SGPhilly function in the past. But even if you haven't met him I'm sure you know people like that - maybe even you yourself do the same thing from time to time.
I know that my brother will get through this because our family loves him very much and we'll do everything we can to help him. But the scary thing is that, in the end, it's out of our hands because only he can make himself feel better about himself. All we can do is be the safety net and let him know he's loved.
I feel so helpless in all of this. Sometimes I just feel like crying. I can't stand to see him torture himself. Why can't he see himself as I (and others) see him? It's almost like his self-esteem has anorexia...a body-dismorphic disorder of his self identity.
This isn't a plea, I'm not trying to make any grand statements - I don't want to "use" my brother for something like that. But, maybe, if in your daily travels you come across someone who you feel is an under-appreciated person (either by other people's neglect or through their own self-neglect) you can let that person know - to you - they stand for something meaningful and you're happy to know them.
============================================
Okay - enough seriousness. Time for FAVORITE STUDENT ANECDOTES OF THE WEEK!!! tm
=============================================
*Overheard from one student to another:
Student 1: That's got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Student 2: I know....it's just that in my head it doesn't sound as stupid as when it comes out of my mouth!
*A student (A SOPHAMORE!) actually asked me this the other day after I told him scientists recently discovered Pluto has three moons, not just one:
Student: Wait....oh my god....I've forgotten the name of our moon. Quick! What's the name of our MOON???!!!
Unbelievable. Have a good week everyone.
That reminds me....did I ever share my theory with you about how "Hello Kitty" is really an supernatural overlord? No? Well here's why. See, she's always in a state of "watching". With no mouth, Hello kitty is in the role of perpetual "observer"....and....and....um......
See? I do that all the time.
*sigh*
I've been pretty down lately because my brother is having problems. Serious problems. He's had about 4 mental breakdowns in the last three years. And only three weeks ago had a breakdown so severe that we almost had to involuntarily commit him. He's just so scared of having to live on his own - so scared of himself. He's one of these kids with ZERO self-esteem and he can't seem to break the cycle of self-fulfilling prophecies of failure. He's convinced he cannot succeed and that he's not an interesting person. Therefore - he cannot cope with assignments he's given for fear of doing something badly. He'll simply not do it and then curse himself for failing. He'll bottle up all that self-hatred and self-loathing deep inside of him until, one day, he can't handle it anymore....and then.....well.....you get the idea.
It's a shame - he's funny and smart....I've always thought he had it the best of all three of us: my sister, myself, and him, I mean. He got my sense of humor and my sister's work ethic (he would've been fucked 10 times worse if he got my work ethic and my sister's sense of humor). He's kind, he's a good athlete, and most importantly, he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He's a genuinely decent and upright human being. But he can't see it in himself. Or he won't allow himself to see it.
Some of you here have even met him - I know Gadget and Goob have at an SGPhilly function in the past. But even if you haven't met him I'm sure you know people like that - maybe even you yourself do the same thing from time to time.
I know that my brother will get through this because our family loves him very much and we'll do everything we can to help him. But the scary thing is that, in the end, it's out of our hands because only he can make himself feel better about himself. All we can do is be the safety net and let him know he's loved.
I feel so helpless in all of this. Sometimes I just feel like crying. I can't stand to see him torture himself. Why can't he see himself as I (and others) see him? It's almost like his self-esteem has anorexia...a body-dismorphic disorder of his self identity.
This isn't a plea, I'm not trying to make any grand statements - I don't want to "use" my brother for something like that. But, maybe, if in your daily travels you come across someone who you feel is an under-appreciated person (either by other people's neglect or through their own self-neglect) you can let that person know - to you - they stand for something meaningful and you're happy to know them.
============================================
Okay - enough seriousness. Time for FAVORITE STUDENT ANECDOTES OF THE WEEK!!! tm
=============================================
*Overheard from one student to another:
Student 1: That's got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Student 2: I know....it's just that in my head it doesn't sound as stupid as when it comes out of my mouth!
*A student (A SOPHAMORE!) actually asked me this the other day after I told him scientists recently discovered Pluto has three moons, not just one:
Student: Wait....oh my god....I've forgotten the name of our moon. Quick! What's the name of our MOON???!!!
Unbelievable. Have a good week everyone.
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
I loved the quotes from the students though!!!
~cheers
I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety disorders (I'm disorderly!) 11 years ago & it can be quite the struggle.
There are some fantastic medications available now. I wouldn't be where I am without my meds, my family & friends.
Oh and a good cognitive behavioral therapist can be of great help too.
My student story:
One of the peer tutors who comes into my special ed class to help out, told me that she & her friends decided that since I don't look like a mom, that I can't possibly, really be a home ec teacher.
[Edited on Nov 29, 2005 10:26AM]