And it is dreaded indeed.
I think it's pretty safe to say that we've all been 'friend zoned' at one time or another, or even multiple times. I remember the first time I was friend zoned. I was 18. Back then we didn't have a name for it but I remember that I was crushed by her, which is why they're called 'crushes' in the first place. I remember the first time I saw her I was almost hypnotized by her beauty and charisma. She was this adorable pixie, older than me, and opened my eyes to so much in the world. She taught me about riot girl music, feminism, and sex toys. We would do copious amounts of ecstasy and she would hold my hand under the covers while we were lying together in bed. And when she would grab my hand an ecstatic jolt of electricity would run through me. I was so enamored with her that if she had told me to jump off a bridge I wouldn't have given it a second thought before asking if she had a particular bridge in mind. (It sounds crazy, yes, but I think being 18 and crazy go hand in hand.)
But she was older than me and not so much into bi girls so it was not to be.
And yes, it hurt. I didn't make a big scene out of it however because having her in my life was more important than not having her at all. She's still in my life today, though we're definitely not as close as we used to be.
I'm choosing to write about this today because I've friend zoned my fair share of guys and 9 times out of 10 they didn't handle it well, as if my friendship was just a second rate consolation prize. You know what? That line of thinking is severely fucked up because it means that they had no interest in me as a person, but only as a pretty carrier of orifices of which to stick their dick in. I invest a lot emotionally into my friendships and when that gets thrown back in my face because it's not good enough it really fucking hurts. It takes a lot for me to be emotional and open with my feelings, which is why I don't have many good friends in the first place. To lose someone important to me simply because I don't want to be their girlfriend is painful.
This post isn't about anyone in particular. It's just something that's been on my mind.
Have I passed up plenty of 'good catches' because I wasn't attracted to them? I sure have. But if we could control who we're attracted to there would be so much less heartbreak in the world and a lot less good music to listen to.
The truth is that we can't control who we're attracted to, but we can control how we react when we're let down by people we crush on.
And now (because I haven't posted one in a while) pictures of me in my undies. (The first one is a little blurry because I had two cups of coffee. For those of you who know me you know that even just one cup can send me over the edge in caffeine fueled jitters.)
