Life is lifeing again. I have my own home now but with the Dictator in charge, I’m scared about what may happen. I try to just live life though.
I took 13.5 months off drinking. Most of the time now, when I do drink I don’t get drunk. Responsibly drinking and socializing unlike all those years I drank and partied hard.
I spend most of my time either working or alone. When I am out it’s usually the same spots and or music venues. Easier to do when you are scared of letting anyone in anymore or rejection. Every relationship I have with anyone at this point is work related or I have known them decades. And Solitude is both a savior and a devastating burden. The consequences of my actions over the years, the impact of trauma and the inability to read situations or be able to follow through with continued conversations is difficult to handle by myself. I’ve been on meds for a while now and I stay slightly more motivated but it’s easier to stay alone. No burden to anyone, not putting myself in harms way. Just me and my pup.
well I’m back for a bit, anyone reading this here, know this is a place I once felt safe and was able to find community in. Now it’s a time capsule I visit and put memories and thoughts into and drift away again. The beauty in it, is that everything is fleeting and fades away. Eventually, even this place. Even after 21 years of this site for me.
Long live Fuck.