So yesterday was awesome we put in a couple hours on my back tattoo. Bill had to go over a lot of the shading that we already did because the Rotary machine is awesome for gray work but not so much for black. But that shit is black as fuck now. We did as much as I could afford and take yesterday. But 150 for like 3 hours isn't bad but really I think bill gave me an hour and a half for free to rework the shading from the last time. We both decided in order to keep it "metal" the entire thing will only be black work. No color. Really though its a gigantic skull and vulture that takes up my back and will read "Death Knows Your Name", how much more metal can it get? But i love the concept and the artwork and the music that inspired it.
Shitty picture for a visual:
Its really hard to take a picture of your own back. just sayin.
Moving on, I've always had a fascination with Christianity and Buddhism. I grew up Catholic. Its in my heart no matter how I feel about the Church itself but it's never been enough for me. The idea that believing in Jesus, praying for forgiveness and just obeying the Commandments and rules of the Church(i.e. the Vatican both 1 and 2) is the only way just never sat well with me. So in realizing that Buddhism is more about living life with a profound respect for all forms of life than it is about a particular "god" or man (Speaking loosely here of course) has greatly affected my recent life. So I read and dive deeper into it every day realizing that it can strengthen my faith and give me a better way to live and think. I have more recently began to apply it more and more to everyday life and in doing so I have begun to think about ways I can help others and in a way make life for others easier. So I've brain stormed an idea. One that requires help from others and will also require time lots of it both in waiting to be able to accomplish this idea and to finish.
Here it is the great idea.
I want to travel the US for a year. Start where ever and donate time in peoples causes. Soup kitchens, building services, clothing donation sites, Red Cross, disaster relief etc. I have probation until November providing that I can pay off my fines and keep my nose clean. I have about 800 dollars left to pay. Not much but considering I work about 25 hours a week its a lot. Not to mention, that if I take next year and travel the country I'm going to require money to eat, gas, automotive up keep, laundry, places to stay, etc. So I have a lot of planning to do and a lot of making money to do. I'm not really sure how this is going play out at all. So there it is. The great idea.
So I've been reading Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen for a minute now. I'm at the "Heart Sutra" chapter and reading through the explanation of it. It's really a big thing to take in, not because the concept is foreign but because it's a lot to digest mentally. Especially when you are going almost line by line.So I think I'm going to stop and take in what I've read up to this point and just reflect on it for now. I do like the fact that even though he is of the Zen Mind he took time to include the Mahayana Sect and explained a bit about compassion. Something that in my last relationship was a completely foreign concept to my ex and we had long drawn out arguments about. Her argument basically was this "People suck....blah blah blah.....they don't deserve compassion....blah blah blah....survival of the fittest." Something i never completely agreed with. It always just seemed cold to me. Something I was tired of feeling and tired of dealing with long before I met her. Though she was a head of me in the financial and finishing her education areas, I was light years ahead of her the having compassion and generally not being a completely cold hearted asshole department. Something I see now is that you can't put two people like this together, one person who lacks compassion and one who sees it as a key to life, they will forever be locked into the proverbial square peg, round hole situation. Anyway enough rambling its a quarter after 11 and its beautiful out and I didn't have to work so no nap for me today and I'm gonna go outside today and have fun!
If you have compassion you can make it your practice to be compassionate toward someone who doesn't appear to have any, and you can even do it in a relationship with them. But it's a practice, and it isn't easy, and if you do it you're not doing it to get something out of it for yourself - you're doing it to practice compassion. If karma works, by doing this practice you should actually be able to transform someone who's really cold-hearted and selfish into someone who's perfectly compassionate.
And the point is that if you do do a practice like this (and I'm not suggesting it), nothing you do to try to correct the other person's behavior will have any effect at all. You can negotiate all you want, and nothing will change. You can plead, and nothing will change. You can criticize, and nothing will change. All the change will come from how you, yourself, behave toward them and toward everyone else in the world around you.
So this is a good practice to do if you're already in a relationship with someone you don't want to leave. But it could take a while, so it's definitely easier to start out with someone who already has compassion, if you can find someone like that.
And the point is that if you do do a practice like this (and I'm not suggesting it), nothing you do to try to correct the other person's behavior will have any effect at all. You can negotiate all you want, and nothing will change. You can plead, and nothing will change. You can criticize, and nothing will change. All the change will come from how you, yourself, behave toward them and toward everyone else in the world around you.
So this is a good practice to do if you're already in a relationship with someone you don't want to leave. But it could take a while, so it's definitely easier to start out with someone who already has compassion, if you can find someone like that.