Blacklisted- "I Am Weighing Me Down"
lyrics
So tired of feeling like I have nothing anymore. A lot of times even if I have people who I care about I can't shake the feeling that something is missing. Something big and something important. Be it a fulfilling job or something else I feel like there is definitely something missing. A couple of things I'm doing at the moment is writing to work it. Creatively writing as well. I'm looking into new hobbies. Gonna pick up photography again. Thats for sure. Been looking into different types of cameras. Mainly toy camera photography and lomo stuff. Been trying to keep my head in the game with the drawing aspect of life but this job is kinda killing that for me.
Need to really go through and rewrite my resume and try and get my transcripts and all that together and start looking at what and where it is I really want to be. i have a couple of months before I can do anything about moving and out of state schools. I've got a few schools I've been looking into. One in Washington, Art Institute S.F. just because I've been there and seen the school in person and even staying here and going Back to CCS.
Music hasn't gotten off the ground yet. Kinda disappointed in that. But with Palmer's dog biting Violet's kid, I can't really blame anyone at the moment. I don't know I think thats about it for the moment.
Oh yea! Wings with the huge blowout on Pittsburgh. Jesus Christ that game was amazing as a Wings fan. 5-0. Fuck! Take that. Pavel Datsyuk making a huge difference Saturday. Tuesday's game Six and i can only hope that it goes as well as Saturday.
The most common thing in our culture is to think that finding the right partner and getting married and having kids and a house and two cars will fill the hole, but it doesn't. A lot of marriages fail not because the husband and wife hate each other, or cheat on each other, but simply because once each one has succeeded in getting the spouse, the house, and the kids, they realize that the hole is still there. Since filling the whole was the purpose of the marriage and the kids, once they realize that it won't fill the hole, they either continue on in quiet desperation, or let it collapse.
The first step to finding fulfillment is to figure out where it can't come from. If this all sounds like nonsense to you, don't worry about it, but if it doesn't, it might be worth spending some of your precious meditation time thinking about this: can you in fact find fulfillment in any of the things that you're trying to do right now? How would that work? Why would it work?
I'm gonna miss the game tomorrow and have to record it. I'll be at work and won't get home till late 3rd period.