fuck

Ok so I guess here goes almost 2 years with of updates. So people no where I've been and what I've been upto.

I went away for a long time because of my Ex. I did what needed to be done and I don't regret anything. We had a ton of problems ranging from money cars and unemployment to alcohol and porn. I would love to go into that whole section of my life but it's not worth it to pick the scabs. We'll just stay with the basics here and end it. I spent about 2 years playing into her needs and trying to fulfill my own which never worked. I was controlled on every level. I had moved in with her and we had a wonderful house. Everything in its entirety was good when we weren't fighting. But the fighting never stopped and it finally came to end in October of last year. I loved her, still do, it's just not going to work. We've parted ways but we still talk to each other every now and then. Its ok now. But thats it there.

During that time period though, there things that happened outside of the relationship, I have lost my job twice in that time period. I have been unemployed for roughly 9 months in two years. Its been hard. I'm unemployed at the moment. This is the worst economy to be unemployed in too. It could be worse though. I could have a family to support and house to pay for. I'm looking but we shall see what happens.

My brother joined the Army and is stationed at Ft Lewis in Washington State. He's offered me a place to stay but we shall see happens. I'm not opposed to it, I just want to see what I can do on my own. I'm thinking all systems might be go though. I need time away from this place. Detroit as much as it is a part of me is really starting to feel like a place to stay and not home.I have things to finish though and I want to get them done before I make a move like that.

Some of my tattoos are done. I have a completed sleeve. I have a skull eating a vagina in my armpit and a bunch of others most of you havent seen. I shall have to get pics of them for those that care. I started my back. Its fucking nuts. a giant skull and vulture. I love it. Its pretty metal. Gotta love that! I took out all my piercings. I don't have plugs or any metal in my body. I miss it but its ok. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

I'm keeping on drawing and stuff. I'm working on tattoos for a bunch of people right now. I'm trying to get that shit going too. I figure its now or never, ya know? I'm just working toward a better life. I went back to school last semester and got a 3.9. I was impressed with myself.

I've been weeding out a bunch negatives in my life, which leads me to live in solitude and I like it. It can be hard when you've become a social animal but I think its for the best. When I'm single and out with a bunch of friends the booze starts flowing and it can take me to a bad place. I've been trying to read Buddhist stuff and some Taoist stuff and it takes me to a good place in my head. I'm not constantly trying to fight everything anymore. But I'm still my own worst enemy at the moment. I'm really trying to get rid of the self destructiveness that I embraced for so long. I think thats the best thing that came out of the relationship between me and the ex. I found that I could control myself and didnt need these things that were holding me down. I'm finding that peace of mind is to live a peaceful life. But I have my moments because I still have a lot going on in my head and it depresses me. Sometimes I look at things and see the positives. Others I just want to drink it all away. Which I havent done in a while but thats because I know its a bad spot to be.

Musically still into the hardcore and metal, but i've been mellowing out. I have found stuff that I can just listen to and chill to and not need the constant adrenaline fueled music coarsing through my head and ears. Melody and groove orientated stuff and some just plain old mellow shit. Stuff like Modest Mouse, the Arcade Fire, Tim Armstrong's Solo Stuff, Doomtree stuff, Mike Ness, Tom Waits, Nick Cave. You get the picture.

I think thats it for the catching up.

i think I'm gonna reminisce here a bit.

You know there have been very few things over the years that have brought me any kind of peace. I have a short list for that but I can't go into it for various reasons. I appreciate though the many people I have come across through this site. At the moment, I'm only here again because of those people. I think certain people can tell I am need of something to pick me up from this slump I've been in. I'm glad to be back here. I'm glad that I can talk to people I've been away from. The coheisiveness in groups is mostly gone mainly because I think certain key members have been gone for a while. But never the less, the few still here mean a lot to me. I'm sure they all know who they are. I remember when I found this site for the second time and actually joined. I was lost in my world and because of certain people here I came out of my shell. Mainly because of them and partly because I was getting hammered with them. But it taught me how to interact with people and not worry about what might happen and just loosen up and have fun. I've been cross country now and I have lasting memories of every thing that I've been through and these moments are some of the best stories I have.

Oni, Missy, Evan, Tikki, Syh, Nicole, Jill and whoever else I forgot that is still around, You guys mean the world to me thanks.