It is not my place to say but having read your last few posts I'm slightly worried about you. I know that concern can be misconstrued but I genuinely see someone in pain and I don't care who calls me a cunt for pointing it out. I hope you have or can find someone to talk to. I'm not a white knight or a moron, I'm just someone who has been to the depths and would always throw a life jacket.
Sorry! still here and caring very much. thanks for always posting very meaningful posts. lately my phone hasn't wanted to write words but I have had many mental replies to your posts I've read!! I think you're amazing!