White House to Enact Title X
Capitol Hill – The White House has been poised to offer guidance on the recent hot-button topic of transgender bathroom usage. Until recently, the Obama Administration had thrown around several ideas to acquiesce to the needs of the transgender community, to include armed gender guards posted outside of all public and school restrooms, or special chimes that announced the entrance of gender-questionable individuals (one such example demonstrated to us politely said “lady with a penis entering the bathroom.”). However, the Administration finally settled on the enactment of Title X (Ten).
Under Title X, also referred to as the “Transgender Registration Act,” all individuals currently identifying themselves as “transgender” or “pangender” will register themselves and pay a tax, much like that on a motor vehicle, at their local state tax commission office. Thereupon the individual will receive mandatory-worn armband signifying the gender role by which they wish to be perceived. Armbands for those currently living under a “cisgender” role will be given out tax-free and are currently not mandatory under Title X.
In addition to the armbands, the government has requisitioned forty dozen retired Sentinel robotic enforcer units to police the trans and pangender population. The Sentinels, once used to hunt the now-eradicated mutant (or “homo superior”) population, such as the “X-Men,” have been re-programmed to home in on gender-confused brain patterns and corral would-be law breakers to gender-appropriate bathrooms, then stand vigilant watch to ensure no foul play ensues.
Should repeat wrong bathroom offenders be reprimanded a third time, they will be sent to a transgender correctional camp, located in one of several Republican-heavy states. The camps will be used to reintegrate genderqueer individuals back into the population over the course of a decade-long 72-step process.
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump had kind words to say about the Obama Administration’s proposition. “This is a bold step to a bright future where cisgender and transgender individuals can coexist peacefully in a totally not-fascist Utopia.”
