Ok, this is my first ever blog post anywhere. I need help with a situation that has been developing for years. I'm married, have been for 8 and a half years. We have been together since February 2000. She is the only serious relationship I've ever had, I was 18 when we started dating.
In 2002, she had an affair with a guy she met on the Internet. She spent a weekend with him and had sex with him. She said she was on a Girls Weekend with friends from work. She came back and said nothing for 7 years but the STI she gave me pretty much told everything I needed to know. We split up for a while but got back together. Despite some further evidence of having contact with other men (sexual phone calls/emails, exchanging sexual pictures) I have no proof of any other actual physical acts between her and other men.
In 2006 we got married.
In 2007 our first child was born.
In 2009 our second child was born. It was while pregnant with this child, during an all night talking session, that she confessed to what had happened on that weekend in 2002
In 2011 our third son was born.
In 2012 I had a one night stand with a woman we both knew. We had flirted previously and on the last day before she moved away, the flirting went too far and we ended up having sex. I felt horrible after and that night when our children were asleep, I confessed to my wife what had happened. She was upset but as long as I agreed to have no more contact with the woman, we would work on our relationship.
In 2013 I caught her sending a sexual picture to a man she claimed was an old school friend. She also claimed it was the first and only picture she had ever sent someone that wasn't me. I asked her if she wanted to get divorced and she said no. I said she shouldn't have any more contact with him (just like she had the previous year with me) but she said that if she cut him off completely, she wouldn't be able to prove to me that it was a one time thing. She suggested that she would earn my trust back by staying in contact with him but keeping things platonic. Sensing that maybe there was more to it, I said Ok and decided I would keep an eye on her.
It's now 2015. I know for a fact that she has sent at least 3 sexual pictures to the same guy as before and has received at least one very explicit picture from him.
During the last two years since confronting her with what I know, I have realized that I no longer love her. Everything we have been through has sapped away the feelings I had and now I am just going through the motions on a day to day basis. I love my kids more than anything. I can deal with a loveless relationship for their sake, I've got pretty good at pretending to feel the way I tell I her I do. My wife and I don't fight now any more than we used to. I just wonder whether it is better to stay together so that the kids have a stable home environment, or to get divorced and deal with sharing custody and not seeing my kids everyday. I'm not going to be happy either way and that's ok. I only care about whats best for my children. Living in a lie or living in separate houses?
If you have read this far and have an opinion either way, please feel free to comment or message it to me.