You never get over your first true love.
Or at least, I don't.
It's been almost 3 years since the day ... well, that day. Gods, I miss her. I still love her. No, I am still in love with her. I always will be.
It's strange. Knowing that there is not even a sliver of hope that we could ever be together again actually gives me the strength to live my life as I do. In a sense, I have nothing to lose, so it makes the risks I take every day not seem overly dramatic. Having that strong of an attachment to a closed chapter in my life gives me a layer of detachment from relationships now. This actually enables me to devote myself entirely to my work with less distraction... so long, of course, that I don't stop to dwell on the past--which is a talent that I've worked quite hard at honing.
Then there are times, like now, in which I can't help but remember.
In these times, I want nothing more than to curl up in her arms.
...and to stare into her brilliant, vivacious blue eyes and lose myself as I'm lost in the memory of them.
...wherever you are...
...I love you...
Or at least, I don't.
It's been almost 3 years since the day ... well, that day. Gods, I miss her. I still love her. No, I am still in love with her. I always will be.
It's strange. Knowing that there is not even a sliver of hope that we could ever be together again actually gives me the strength to live my life as I do. In a sense, I have nothing to lose, so it makes the risks I take every day not seem overly dramatic. Having that strong of an attachment to a closed chapter in my life gives me a layer of detachment from relationships now. This actually enables me to devote myself entirely to my work with less distraction... so long, of course, that I don't stop to dwell on the past--which is a talent that I've worked quite hard at honing.
Then there are times, like now, in which I can't help but remember.
In these times, I want nothing more than to curl up in her arms.
...and to stare into her brilliant, vivacious blue eyes and lose myself as I'm lost in the memory of them.
...wherever you are...
...I love you...
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose...
I'd trade of all my tomorrows for one single yesterday...
When feeling good was good enough for me..."
Three weeks, one summer, five years ago. All I had to do was to kill one cop and we could've been living happily in Brazil ever since. Now somewhere in Pittsburgh tonight a pair of blue eyes once bright enough to melt your soul are clouded over and my artist/scientist/philosopher/adventurer vampire twin of the apocalypse has been reduced to yet another happy "healthy" yuppie vegtable, courtsey of the police state of Pennsylvania, lots of people made lots of money and furthered lots of political interests and the one person who had the power to set the record straight but didn't is now secretary of the department of homeland security. I'm sorry, but I think I win...
...Or at least that I'm qualified to tell you that this road leads to nowhere. Don't spend your life moving away from something, spend it moving toward something. Ah, but what's left that worth moving toward after you've already had the greatest thing ever and lost it? Well that's the question.
I guess I'll have to settle for world conquest, tho even that might be a hollow victory. But I figure somebody's going to conquer the world, so it might as well be me. I know there's plenty of worse people it could be...
[Edited on Dec 28, 2003 11:19PM]
So sad, I wish someone felt that way about me. Maybe there is someone out there right now missing and loving me. I doubt it, but I can dream. Who knows she might be thinking the exact same thing about you.
xoxo
Alley